My Mom passed away 5 weeks ago. My parents' anniversary is next week. Should I give my Dad a card to honor it?

Question

I just don't know if it would be worse to ignore their special day.

A few days after I posted this, my Dad brought up the upcoming anniversary. I asked him if he wanted me to come over, or if he'd rather spend some time alone. He said he'd rather be alone. I wasn't bothered by that b/c I understand that need, and he's one of my best friends. Now I wonder if I should do anything at all. Give a card, call just to say hi then leave him be, or nothing at all and just talk to him the next day.

Answer 1

A card is to celebrate how many years they have been together but she is no longer here. Just call him and talk to him but you should leave him alone to cry and be with her in mind and spirt.. I want to share this with you. It is her that says here while he goes to heaven but i still think that your dad might love this too.

Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.

And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.

The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.

The card said, "Be my Valentine", like all the years before.

Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,

"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.

My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."

She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.

She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.

Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.

He always liked to do things early, way before the time.

Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.

Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.

She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.

While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.

A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.

With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.

Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,

The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.

Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.=20

The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,=20

Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?

"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"

The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know.

The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.

Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.

There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,

And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.

There also is another thing, that I think you should know,

He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago.

Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here,

That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year."

She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.

Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.

Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...

"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,

I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.

I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.

For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.

The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.

I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.

You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.

I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.

I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.

That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.

When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,

That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.

I have always loved you and I know I always will.

But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.

Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.

I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.

The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,

When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock.

He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.

But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,

To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,

And place the roses where we are, together once again.

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;

Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.

Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;

Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.

Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.

This is Forever Friendship.

I am soooo sorry for such a great loss..Mother's are the best life has to give.

Answer 2

I would give him a card- "In memory of the one woman that stole your heart"... I think that you should honor it since it is so soon afterwards.. Let your Dad get used to being on his own and not having those special holidays or events in his life be the same. And just talk to him about his favorite anniversary memories with your mom. If it is too soon for him to go over things like this- then try to put together a colliage of all their anniversary pictures or some of them and give it to him as a gift!

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss and I think you should give him the card not only to honor their day but to honor her memory as well. I lost my dad a few years back and something that helped me to cope with his loss was honoring his memory on the special days, his birthday, father's day, whenever we had family gatherings. Every person needs to deal with the loss of a loved one in their own way and you should do what your heart tells you to do, if acknowledging their anniversary is important to you then give him the card. I hope you soon find peace. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Your question is does anyone know how you feel...I seriously don't...but I can imagine if I lossed my mom, I would be in the same kind of position you are in. I have no children and my mom is such a huge part of my life, I am very very afraid that I would not be stay here without her. If I had children, of course I would go on as you are but I would probably check into grief counseling. Maybe your whole family might benefit from grief counseling or just family counseling.

Answer 5

Thats a hard thing to go through but i dont think a card is honestly the best thing to give. Mabye just going and doing something or sitting at home and just talking all night. When people loose someone celebrating is the last thing on their mind. You just being there will mean a lot im sure.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

i wouldn't give him a card. he know's what day it is and the card may make things worse. maybe visit the cemetery together and bring some flowers. order a pizza and have a nice talk. if he's willing, have him tell you about their wedding day or how they met. he may not be ready for to many memories yet but it's worth a shot.

Answer 8

No god please don't do that you will only bring forth what is already a raw and painful loss.If it were me I would ask him what he would like to do for the day that would give him comfort.Presents do not compensate for time, and too allow him time to just sit and listen to his memories of happiness and love encourage him to talk about how they met,when he knew she was 'the one' all the positive things in their marriage and yes even the grief of her passing, visit her on this day if he is up to this, laugh together, cry together and most of all give thanks to all that she is in your hearts (my god my awnser amaze even me some days but truly this is from my heart to your heart). And in our language Kia Kaha which means stay strong.

Answer 9

How about making your moms favorite meal for dinner and spend the evening with your dad. If you have any brothers or sister, invite them over to be with him.

Answer 10

Give him that card, maybe with one of his favorite pictures of him and your Mom in it, I think he will enjoy that. Physically your Mom is no longer her but the memories that you have make her immortal and nonetheless, your Father also has memories, hold on to them, they are what made your Mother who she was to each of you. God Bless.