i need help planning a reception w/out the wedding?

Question

my fiance and i are getting married at the courthouse in a private civil ceremony in a few weeks, but we would like to have a reception for friends and family in about a month. some of our friends know we are getting married but we arent telling our families until after the wedding. i have no idea how to invite someone to something like this since it isnt an actual wedding and most of the people that will be invited wont know we are married until afterwards. do we send out invitations, do people bring gifts, is it just kind of like a small party, do we swap vows again in front of everyone, is it like a normal wedding reception w/toasts and all that stuff...? i really have no idea whatsoever of how something like this works and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

for personal reasons we are telling our families after we get married but before they are invited to the reception, so that they know what they are attending.

Answer 1

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

Many people have private weddings and then receptions later on....this is perfectly acceptable.

Here are the answers to your questions:

First of all, do you have a venue in mind for your reception? Do you want it at a hotel banquet room? A church hall? A VFW hall? A backyard bbq? Something at your house? You need to decide WHAT kind of reception you want and book a location if it's not in your home.

Remember, that whatever you have....you are responsible for paying for your guests. It doesn't need to be fancy. Like I said, it can be a backyard bbq, or it can be an afternoon "reception" with cake, punch and coffee. But whatever you have, you need to provide all the food, beverages, etc.

Invitations: YES! Most certainly, just like any other party, you want to send out invitations. Here is an example of proper wording. You must ANNOUNCE your wedding and then invite people to share with you:

The pleasure of your company is requested
at a reception to celebrate the wedding of
Sue Johnson and David Smith
who were married on
October 13, 2007
in a private ceremony

This celebration will take place on
Saturday, November 10, 2007
from 6 to 9 p.m.
(location/address)
(city, state)

Or less formal, something like:

Sue (Johnson) and David Smith
cordially invite you to join them
for a reception celebrating their recent marriage....

As with any invitation, please give people adequate notice. You cannot send these out before the wedding (since you are keeping it a secret), so they would need to be sent out AFTER your marriage. I would make the date of your reception approximately 1 month later, so it would give your guests approximately 3-4 weeks notice.

You can make it as fancy - DJ, Cake, Flowers, Toasts, etc. as you want or a low key as you want. It's totally up to you.

Yes, I would think most people invited to a wedding reception would bring a gift. And, NO, you do not need to say your vows again in front of everyone.

I urge you, however, to rethink not telling your parents. As a parent myself, I would be so hurt if my daughter ran off and got married without telling me. But it's your life, so you make the decision. Good luck!

Answer 2

What you do is get everyone together, serve some drinks, put out some dishes of nuts, that sort of thing and when everyone has arrived -- or when everyone is seated at the dinner table, whatever -- you say something like "We've asked you all here today because we have announcement to make. We've gotten married." That a lot of the people already KNOW you're married is irrelevant. They wouldn't take away the fun you're having by making a formal announcment and hosting a wonderful party for them.

About 10 seconds after you make the announcement, champagne (or some other festive beverage suitable for toasts) should magically appear. Prime a friend or two to get the "toasts" rolling and others will join in.

Your invitation should be formal, to let people know that this is no ordinary occasion. (Don't worry, the entertainment, food, and dress can still be informal if you like.) Leave off your titles and use your maiden name.
Ann Single and
Robert Bachelor
request the pleasure of your company
at a small supper and dance
to be given on Saturday etc etc etc

If it's not "a small supper and dance" but is "a BBQ with all the trimmings" or "a pancake brunch" that is OK too. Just let the guests know what sort of food and activity to expect and how to dress.

Some people will bring gifts, so be prepared to stash them somewhere out of sight but secure. You don't want those who didn't bring gifts to feel uncomfortable but neither do you want to be victim of a thief. Send thank you letters promptly; that means keeping track of what person brought which package.

Answer 3

Yes you want to send invitations. The invitations can be simply: You are cordially invited by Mr and Mrs Smith to celebrate their marriage that took place on 9/1/07. The celebration will be held at___ on ___ etc etc.

If you don't want presents then spread by word of mouth that gifts are not necessary, but most people will want to bring gifts.

There is nothing wrong with throwing a reception after you get married. Although you may want to make the reception a month or two after so that you can get the invitations out and people can plan to be there. pLus finding a reception site may be hard on short notice, but it is doable. Vows are not necessary you just have a big party. You can do the first dance, the father/bride daneand the mother/groom dance and cut the cake and everything else.

Another idea is to have a big anniversary party on your first anniversary that way you have a year to plan!

Good luck!

Answer 4

Okay...first of all...it's perfectly okay to not have a wedding ceremony, and just have the reception. However, you need to tell your families! Getting married is supposed to be a joyous event where you and your spouse share with both families together. If not, then you should reconsider getting married in the first place. I would sit both families down together and politely tell them what you plan to do and that you would like their support. It's much better to tell them in advance...so that it doesn't present hurt feelings and resentment later.

Next, you can't invite someone to a reception if they don't know that it is an actual reception. Ie: no gifts.
You don't need to swap vows again...but you can do toasts! A reception is the first time you throw a party as husband and wife...so keep that in mind!
You need to send the invitiations about a couple weeks before you plan to have the reception.
If you need more advice, I am a wedding planner/consultant.

Answer 5

It is really up to you, and how elaborate you want your reception to be. You can most certianly exchange vows again at the reception, but it isn't necessary. The invitation should state that it is a reception to celebrate you vows that have already taken place, or to recite your vows again, in front of friends and family, if that's what you choose to do. You can have food, cut the cake, have dancing, throw the garter, the whole shebang, or just have a simple dinner, or somewhere in between, whatever you desire and feel comfortable with. You can register for gifts, if you want, even if you don't, people are likely to bring gifts, unless you state on the invitation that your presence at the party is gift enough, or something like that. Best wishes!

Answer 6

You just get invitations made up but you replace "wedding" with "wedding reception" and that makes it a reception invitation. Also it needs to say "pleasure of your company" instead of "honor of your presence."

You are right to not tell people about the ceremony until afterwards, because it is rude to tell people about an upcoming event that they are not invited to. They should only receive info about what they ARE invited to.

Just like with a regular reception, people only send or bring gifts if they want to.

Don't re-run your vows-- that is tacky. It's not a piece of re-performable theater. (If you must, you could show a video of the ceremony that people were not invited to. That would be ok, but not required or expected.) Just have the reception normally.

Answer 7

Why wouldn't you want your families to know, especially if your friends know already?! Something doesn't sound good here.

If you are getting married in the courthouse, why not ask a minister to come to the reception to do a 'blessing' ceremony? That will give your friends and family the chance to share part of your wedding with you, and it'll give the reception a definite 'wedding' feel.

As for invitations - you could keep it as a surprise for once everyone gets there, but you should have sent out the invites already. Call it whatever you want to, a 'Harvest Party', a dinner party, whatever. Do not plan on getting gifts - no one can bring a gift for a wedding they didn't know even happened. Do not plan on people being dressed up the way they would be for a wedding. And don't plan on your family being all that thrilled with the course of events. If they are anything like most parents they are going to be extremely HURT for being kept out of all of this. No amount of apologizing is going to heal this one....be prepared!

Answer 8

my fiance and I thought about getting married at the courthouse without telling my parents, because well they love him to death, but don't think we're ready to get married because of our ages and the fact we're not done with college yet.

ANYWAYS, if that's really the route you want to go, since you're planning on telling your parents before the party and not shocking them as they walk through the door of your reception...here's what I think would be a good way to word invites to people.


"please join family and friends
for the marriage reception of

your first name and maiden name
and
his first name and last name

spell out the date
spell out the time
name of location
address of location
city, state"


you don't have to exchange vows again if you don't want to, you may have parents or friends that would like to make a toast but these kinds of parties aren't usually as structured as an elaborate reception unless it's like a saturday night affair in a ballroom or a hall etc, where you're going to be going all out with drinks, food, dj, dancing, photographer etc.

how small are you talking? you might even be able to have it a nice restaruant or something.

people will bring gifts if they want to.

Answer 9

My fiance and I are just having a reception, unlike you our family does know. Basically when you send out the invitations say it's to your reception. Basically it would like any other wedding reception if you want it to be.

Answer 10

It would basically just be a small party, you would send out invitations. Make sure you put on the invitations "No gifts, please", as this is one situation where it is permissible and proper to include it on the invitation.
You don't do your vows again, just plan a nice dinner and party.