How do you console your children when....?

Question

They didn't make something they tried out for? My 5th grade son lost his bid for student council today and he wanted it really bad. He is terribly upset and takes it personally. To make it worse, he's upset because he was visably nervous.

I was looking on the bright side: He came in 2nd out of 6 PLUS He made student council last year and can't win every year. I just hate seeing him so sad. Is it best to let him just deal with it in his own way? He processes things pretty negatively some times.

Rash: You're so brave behind your anonymous avatar. I also noticed you dont allow anyone to contact you. You're even a wuss online, eh? Only YOU deserve the slap, poor soul.

BTW Rash: I reported you if nobody else did. Have a nice day!

Thank you so much everyone else. I feel much better already. I will show him that life goes on and hopefully that will help him learn to process things less negatively. :-)

Answer 1

Starbrite, just be there for him. If he was good enough to make student council the year before who knows he might do so again next year. Tell him that he must not give up hope and that there is a reason for everything. I wish him well and he obviously wants to do well, so good luck to him and you :))

Answer 2

This is hard because in one way it's good, in another it's not. Dealing with not winning everything is good for children because as adults they don't get everything they want or try for. So it's a good learning experience.

One the other hand it's hard for your son because he's young and he probably hasn't really had to deal with loss like this. My son is 8 and he sometimes he wins, sometimes he doesn't. In either case I always find some positive things about it. In your example, telling him that he tried and that's really good. A lot of kids don't even try. My son always says second place is the first loser. I always try to get him to see the bright side of things. He can be negative sometimes. For example, if he has problems in math, he gets upset and says he can't do it. I point out the problems he's already solved and I encourage [and help if need be] him. I would tell your son that he is a good boy and that he tried and that's very good. It's also good that he cares about his school and school mates. Part of losing, however, is grieving. I know if I try to win at something I greive. I tried to be PTA President. Didn't happen. I was sad but then I was given the treasurer postition. By then I was glad I didn't win, it's a TON of work LOL.

Give your little boy a hug and tell him he's the best him that he can be. In the end, that's all you can ask for. I'm glad that you're not a pushy parent. I hate it when I see kids doing things because the parents want them to. The kids resent that. You keep being a good parent and you'll have a wonderful young man as a result. Failure is a part of life. Teach him how to deal with it and he'll do well.

Answer 3

Unfortunately as a parent it is the worst time for us when are babies are hurting, no matter how old they are, but this is a great lesson to learn. We don't win all the time, in the "grown -up" world we don't get the job we think we should or that promotion at work.
I think at the age it is really a popularity thing, there are people out there that liked someone more than him, at least that is how me is probably looking at it.
I think the best thing you can do is to keep reminding him how well he did do and that it is never to early to start to plan and strategize for next year. Also, you can find other activities that he would like to participate in that can help take his mind off of this and help build his self confidence up again.

Hope I helped a little!

Answer 4

I think it is our job as parents to help our children learn how to cope with both the good and bad in life. So you can talk to him about this, how he feels, and then take the time to point out some positive things. #1. He was brave to even stick his neck out there. Lot's of kids don't have the nerve. #2. This year since he didn't make it, he can take that time and energy and try something new. (then ask him some new things he might like to try). etc....

Answer 5

just continue to be the loving mum you so obviously are, my daughter used to come home from school & cry her eyes out because her weakest subject was maths, her dad would always help her as it was my weakest subject to. I used to sit with her & point out all the things that she was good at & explain that we can't all be good at everything, i also told her that i was proud of her for being upset, why you may ask? Well as i told her it meant that she cared enough to want to do well & not to give up trying hope this helps x

Answer 6

Student council makes very little difference to anyone. Tell him he's is giving other people a chance to try it, and he already knows what it is like, and get him to start a new hobby.

Answer 7

I know what you mean I have a daughter who takes everything too much to heart. I know it's hard, but I think you have to try to strike the balance, commiserate and console, then show then how to move on and think about something else. Spend some quality time together so he knows you love him anyway!

Good luck!

Answer 8

You're proud of him, and although he won't think that's enough for now, he will think so soon after. If we stayed negative in our failures we would find it very hard to get out of bed in the morning. Some people end up that way, and from the sound of it, he won't.

Answer 9

Just explain to him if he never lost anything he wouldn't know why winning feels so good and to use his experiance for the next time.He sounds like a great lad good luck

Answer 10

Aww poor lad. Can you point out that as he did it last year, they are probably giving someone else a chance this year> Might that make him feel a touch better?