I am pregnant with twins but i cannot handle two, i want to adopt the other out..Is that normal?

Question

One baby is going to keep me on my toes, im 18 years old, with no help so if you were in my place would you adopt the other one out?
I cannot take care of two, i know this so don't tell me any different.

For those that have called me liars are liars themselves because i am not lying. I am pregnant and facing something so serious in my life.
I really could care less if you believe me or not.
I am 6 months pregnant with twin boys. I was on birth control but it failed me. The father is not around and doesn't want to have anything to do with this.
In the beginning i was so happy that i was pregnant, couldn't wait to be a mom then i found out there would be 2. I cannot afford two. I know that i can only take care of one.
Which one am i going to adopt out? (To the person that said eye color, hair color)
I have made up my mind that the first one that is born that will be the one i will adopt out.
You people don't even know what i am going through, what i am feeling so how can you judge?

Answer 1

No it's not normal. It is selfish. If you can handle the grown up behavior of sex, then you need to accept the grown up consequences that are part of it. If you can't take care of 2, then you can't take of 1 because the same all-about-me attitude that's making you want to give up one is going to take over and the baby is the one who will pay for it. Don't separate them. You'll regret it later. Right now you are too selfish and immature to see it, but in 10 or 15 or 20 years when you are grown up you will think "What did I do?" He will find out eventually. How are you going to explain your actions to your shocked, bewildered son that you gave away his brother? Do the right thing and give them both up.

And don't tell us not to judge you. You asked us to.

Answer 2

My thought is that twins often have a connection like a single birth child doesnt have. For nine months these babies will have touched and interacted with each other and really have built a bond with each other. They know your voice and the way your heart beats. To split them up in my opinion is a tragedy. Your young and at least you know that you cant pay for both and that you cant handle both of them. I would advise you to adopt both of them together. Can you imagine how the one you keep would feel if someday they ran into the other? I have always heard that twins who are split up and raised away from each other often go through life feeling as if something was missing or they often have dreams or unexplained feelings about a mystery person. I understand that I dont know your situation but I honestly believe that during the 9 months of pregnancy you are meant to bond with the life that is growing inside you. How can you bond with either one if you are planning on giving one away. Bonding begins from the very beginning. Is there a relative that would gladly adopt them both that way you not only have the freedom to pursue your own life but you also have the benefit of seeing them grow and mature in a home that can provide them with everything that you cant do for the both of them. Being pregnant is exciting but if you cannot put those baby first and be a parent 110% of the time then maybe your children will be better in a home that wants children, many couples cant have children and would love to welcome beautiful twin boys into their home. As an adoptive parent myself there are still many obstacles that you are going to have to go through. In order to put the baby up for adoption you must have the fathers permission to terminate his parental rights. Then there is the consideration that if you try to adopt one of them out that the fathers parents could take you to court saying that you dont want the babies because you are trying to get rid of one and they could try to take both of them from you. This could look like a mother who just doesnt care and a court system will look at you as being an unfit parent. Please think carefully into this, I wish the best of luck. I hope that you decide that adoption of both twins will be in the best interest of the children, because at this point you should be thinking more about the children and their mental and physical health than what you need in life. If you cant afford two really think of how much one will take away from you and the lifestyle you live.

Answer 3

Ouch, that's gotta be hard. Well I personally would be hurt if I was one of the child's, missing part of my blood, when one twin feels pain, the other twin will feel pain too and notice part of them feeling pain, it's a fact. I really think you shouldn't give one away to adopt, it'll be regretted and something neither of child's want. You should try getting help from family to take care of children, hopefully they do help, but no matter want, you shouldn't let them apart until they're old enough, even if they never found out they'd somehow find out about each other and be sad and want to meet them and wonder what life would've been together. Truth is, I'd feel hurt is that happend, I really hope you don't give one to adoption, I just hope you don't, I don't want to see the pain it makes and life it changes. If family doesn't help then hopefully another BF or one day Husband helps. The last idea is if you think you can't do this you should give them both away and one day meet with them again but give both away to be adopted so then they don't have too much pain like they would if seperated. I truly wish you for the best to happen.

Answer 4

I totally respect your choices, even though I am praying that I will have twins when I get pregnant, and consider you very lucky. But anyway, I think it's normal to adopt the other twin out. It's not like you'd be abandoning the child, it's just that due to your current circumstances, you are not able to handle two babies right now. Just make sure that the other twin will be in good hands, there's a lot of families out there who just can't have kids and are willing to adopt children, newborns especially. If I couldn't have kids I would def want to adopt a child, a newborn especially. So adopting the other baby out is not a bad thing, on the brighter side, you will bring happiness to someone/a couple who did not have the gift of having a child :-)
If that makes you feel better, I was a result of an unplanned pregnancy, if my mom have had twins, she'd prob have done the same thing you're planning on doing right now. She had such a hard time raising me, especially b/c she was single and had no money and no job. Taking care of me was too hard, she would prob had gone crazy if she have had twins, I don't think she could have handled it.

Answer 5

18, Wow, you are really young. I hope you are not selling yourself short as far as raising two. I know the thought of doing two instead of one is very overwhelming at this point and that is very normal. Becoming a parent makes everyone anxious. You can look into adoption and explore that option but understand that you can't sign off till 48 hours after you give birth, so you have a lot of time to think about this. And support, girl, you have it, you just may not know it. the father will have to give you financial support. And as far as diaper duty, I bet some friends will pitch in. If you are not going to a church, start going and you will get some support there. Take a deep breath and think things through. Oh I am pro adoption, don't get me wrong. I had to adopt to be a mother. But I also see someone who is not really sure what to do. Cause in the end, how will you choose? My prayers are with you

Answer 6

Sounds like you have the "going to be a first time mom" jitters. 18 or not a lot of women are intimidated about after giving birth, even more so in your case since you have twins. But the reality of this situation is that you are carrying around two lives inside your body. You can feel them while they are awake, and asleep, and while they play with each other. There is a special bond between the two of them, and I know you must feel some sort of bond between both of them and yourself. Think about your actions before you actually go forth with this. How will you decide which to keep and which to give away? It won't be as easy as you may be thinking it to be. Everything changes once you actually can hear them breathing and crying.

It may be really really scary, but you were given twins for a reason. Look for some support systems within your family and friends.

Answer 7

From one mom to another......Babies are super expensive...and super demanding. If you can't take care of both then you have to do what you have to do as a mother. The only concern that I would have is that they will ALWAYS feel like they are missing something or someone...do you plan on telling the one that you keep that he/she was a twin? Are you willing to help them locate their twin and answer all of the questions that the one adopted out is going to have? Especially the one that goes "Why did you pick her/him and not me?" Just realize that adoption is not that easy....and if you are not a 100% sure then don't let anyone pressure you into making a decision that you are not ready for. Just try to look into the future...18 years from now. A person your age will have a million questions with NO easy answers,
do you think you can handle that?

Answer 8

Okay...I try an look at the situation as if it were in my hands. God gave you two boys that are growing in your stomach and he gave you them for a reason. If I was to have twins and separate them, that means that I will have to live the rest of my life with the guilt and the "knowing" that I have my other son just out their being raised by another family. My son will ahve to grow up without his twin brother, his best friend, and the only person that he could relate to. So, I must say that "if there is a will then there is a way!" I definetly would never give up my child just because you never know what god will bring you. Sure, it would be tough and there is no way around that. However, you created these two boys and do you really want to just give one away? There is toooooo many resources that can assist you with these types of things. Life is too short and you make your decisions because you are the one who has to live wih them. Let me know how it goes!!!! SR

Answer 9

I will never try to convince you, I know that having a child is life changing, let along twins. I have had the same thoughts, saying "If I became pregnant with twins, I don't know how could handle TWO babies!?!?!?!?!!!!" Its double everything. This was my thought as a married woman with a supportive husband. So I completely understand how you are feeling. I cannot tell you what to choose either way, but what I will say is there are state/community programs that can and will assist you with 1 or two children, you just have to tap into these resources. Also planning what you want as a new mother can and will be difficult. What I mean by this is that after birth, your emotions MAY spiral out of control. You feel one way now, it can change once you give birth, and it could remain the same. Everyone is different. I applaud you for recognizing and acknowledging your concerns, not everyone does this, and thats when we hear the tragic stories about infants. I will not try to sway you in making your decision because ultimately the choice is yours, and you will have to live with your decision. If you decide to keep both, you will love them both, it will be very challenging I admit, but women are caregivers by nature even when we doubt ourselves we always have it in us. We all need help at some point in our lives, EVERYONE, regardless of what anyone says. If you decide to give one up for adoption consider family, extended family, I don't know how adoption works but see what your options are. You may want to remain in some type of contact with the other child. With all of this being said, I hope that you find these resources in your community to help you along the way in your decision and after you give birth. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

Answer 10

If I were in "your" place I would have been using birth control since I couldn't afford to have children.
But since I am not. I would either have them both and keep them BOTH or I would give BOTH of them up for adoption. How could you possibly think it would be normal to want to keep 1 and give the other 1 up??? How are you going to pick? By the sex? Hair color????
We are trying to adopt and having to go through all the "red tape" to finally have a child is crazy But not as crazy as this.
I would be looking into a very GOOD method of birth control after you do have these children. I am sure you have family that will/would help you if you just asked and told them what your ideas are.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 11

That's a touchy situation. If it were me I probably would go ahead and give them both up for adoption so when the adopted child grew up that child wouldn't feel so unwanted. I was a Mom at 18, and it was tough with one, I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like with two, I understand though. It will be the toughest decision you ever make in your life. Whatever you do decide to do, make sure it's really what YOU want. In a few years you'll think differently about almost everything in life. Good luck and if you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to email me. Take Care!!