So I'm back home now after some time away. Almost the first question everyone asks is if I have a boyfriend. That doesn't bother me. I know they're curious and trying to see what's new in my life. When I say no, then they ask why not. It infuriates me. It's almost like they're accusing me of pushing guys away. I haven't had a serious relationship in about 7 years and I'm fine with it. I've dated, but not met anyone I want to pursue anything further with. It doesn't bother me. I've had a ton of time figuring out who I am and what I want. So here are my questions:
1. Do you find it rude when someone ask "why not" when you say you're not in a relationship?
2. How do I answer/deal with someone who says "why not?"
3. Why is it so important to everyone else for me to be in a relationship? (Don't say because they want me to be happy because I am. Why can't they see that?)
2007-10-03 08:08:25 · 8 answers · asked by J-Dawn 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Oh, did I mention that when I say I don't want to be in one right now that they look at me with a sad look?
2007-10-03 08:28:10 · update #1
Haaaa, we must be related........ Do you have an Aunt Lois by any chance? I do find it rude and frustrating, but people are curious and they tend to assume that everyone wants what they want- and many people, perhaps most people, want to be in a steady relationship, that ends in marriage.
An answer to the "Why not" question could be just a shrug and a smile and a quick change of the subject. I'm 49 and my love life, or lack of one (at times) is no one's business but mine, so a non answer is the best answer at times.
2007-10-03 08:16:00 · answer #1 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going thru. Here is what I have to say about the whole ordeal.
1- I do not think it is rude when people ask "why not". It is confusing for everyone to understand that you do not or are not ready (able) to be in a relationship with someone. People, just because you have a boyfriend does not mean that all girls need to follow in your footsteps.
2- Just answer by saying that you do not want to be in a relationship with someone. If they understand. cool, if they don't, WHO CARES!
3- It is not that it is important for everyone else for you to be in a relationship. It is the "norm" for you to have someone. If you don't...the normal reaction people get is"whoa, there is something wrong here."
In the end, whatever makes you happy is what you need to care about.The whole world always has something to say about everything. I am 24 and have yet to have a boyfriend. I don't have time because I am in school. My focus is else where. I don't need the company of a guy to make me feel whole. I care about my financial future. Guys are always going to be there. So to everyone who does not see things my way.....whatever.
2007-10-03 15:21:47 · answer #2 · answered by misuran 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that most of the time the question is being asked because they want whats best for you. When they ask you why you are not in a relationship then just flat out tell them that you are not interested in having a relationship now that you are concentrating on yourself and being everything you can be. Let them know that this is a happy time in your life but if and when a lucky guy comes into the picture, you will be sure to tell them. Good luck
2007-10-03 15:23:48 · answer #3 · answered by karaokediva1960 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes I think that people don't even realize WHAT they are asking when they used to ask me that question (I didn't marry until my mid-30's and prior to that I was single, alone and NOT lonely quite happily )
I think your answer might depend on the person who is doing the asking; when someone asks 'why not?' it's just as rude to reply 'none of your business, Mom'......
Sometimes the best answer is the one that the other person can't respond to...
'Why Not?'
'I'm perfectly fine living my life as it is. Right now I choose not to share it with anyone, and if it's selfish, then so be it.'
2007-10-03 15:20:57 · answer #4 · answered by bethanne 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly how you feel. i just separated from my husband a few months ago and everyone is expecting me to jump back in and find a new man. just politely explain to them that you're happy on your own, and that your happiness doesnt depend on whether you have a man in your life or not. most women, for some odd reason, think that every woman needs a man around in order to feel complete, but for some, its the opposite.
2007-10-03 15:17:50 · answer #5 · answered by hotlilmama1016 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know some people are really nasty. You don't have to respond to their queries, just do your thing and be happy by yourself. It is your prerogative, and it's nobody else' business. Maybe you're just being intimidated by their questioning. You don't owe them anything so be yourself.
2007-10-03 15:18:29 · answer #6 · answered by july 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
They are just concerned for you. Just say no, and don't give any explanation if you don't like to.
2007-10-03 22:48:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they're just nosy & trying to make idle conversation. don't let it get to you -- it's not important.
2007-10-03 17:14:16 · answer #8 · answered by napqueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋