so my 1st bridesmaid stepped up and volunteered to take her place, she wasn't my 1st or 2nd choice but was quite eager so there she was. Now my best friend and I are ok and I really want to ask her to be my maid of honor again but the 1st bridesmaid has become quite territorial about it so how do I tell her gently that I don't want her as my bridesmaid?
2007-10-03 03:26:19 · 12 answers · asked by yngbng1616 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Does it seem obvious that your best friend WANTS to be maid of honor? If not, then I strongly recommend leaving things the way they are.
I know this is a very special occasion you're preparing for and you want your best friend to be your main "sidekick" for the event, but I don't think it's fair for the current maid of honor to have to excuse herself, after the preparation she has put in.
If you MUST tell the girl she can't be the maid of honor, then there is no easy way. As a consequence of your change of heart, you're going to just have to suck it up and tell her, being as tactful and apologetic as possibile...Maybe you can offer her an incentive to soften the blow just a little, like promising to treat her to a few nice dinners.
2007-10-03 03:31:14 · answer #1 · answered by SoulDawg 4 UGA 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think what should happen is your "best friend", the FORMER maid of honor should be gracious enough to leave things as they are. If the friendship is truly what's most important, it doesn't really matter where she stands or what her title is in the bridal party. The person who "stepped up" in your friend's absence will feel taken advantage of, and rightfully so. It's just bad manners and bad karma to treat someone poorly. You should've thought about all this when she volunteered to step up but it's done now. Tell the best friend her place is as a bridesmaid, that the 2 of you KNOW you're best Friends, that's all that matters. Everyone must suffer the consequences of their own actions. The two of you had a "falling out" and this is the consequence you must live with. Really, in the big scheme of life, who is or isn't your MOH isn't such a big deal. Be mature and suck it up! Honestly, it's surprising that this would actually be a dilemma for someone who's anticipating marriage. Always think how YOU would feel in the other person's position if you're unsure. Good Luck. Hope you do what's right.
2007-10-03 10:49:42 · answer #2 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you not want her as your bridesmaid or as the maid of honor? You can make them both maids of honor. That way you aren't taking away anything from anybody. Also, it would be rude to kick her out completely (unless she has just really sabotaged the wedding plans) especially if she's already bought her dress and helped pay for showers.
2007-10-03 11:20:57 · answer #3 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I wouldn't change it because when you needed your best friend she failed you or whatever happened, happened. I would not change it now that you asked someone else to step in and take her place because she messed up and I'm pretty sure the new one is excited and eager to be in that place. I think that the new one would be devastated if you bump her back down. It would sound like to her that "Oh your only choosing me because she wasn't there and now that she is back you bump me back to second place". Be careful because she may drop out the wedding altogether. Your best friend messed up so now she has to take what she can, she can't come back around and think that she can take a spot she dropped and is now filled. NOOOO, don't change nothing.
2007-10-03 11:00:55 · answer #4 · answered by OFFICIALLY MRS. HOWARD! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really can't do that. This girl helped you out when the other one left you in a major bind. It's sorta like buying a major purchase like a car. You can't decide one week you want a Toyota, then the Toyota breaks down so you go get a Honda, then back to the toyota, and back, and back, and back.
Your "best friend" should have known if there was a possibility of mending fences and kept her spot. Finders keepers, looser's weepers.
I agree with previous poster. If I was this girl who stepped up and you suddenly changed back I'd just tell you thanks but no thanks on it all together.
2007-10-03 10:43:19 · answer #5 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave things the way they are. Your current MOH went to a lot of trouble for you to help you in a bind. I think it would be very shabby of you to demote her after all she's done for you. You and your best friend should graciously accept your best friend as a bridesmaid.
2007-10-03 11:36:54 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have two maids of honor.
It would really rude to demote one friend, but I get that you want to honor the other.
It doesn't really matter. It's really just words on a program!!
Good Luck
2007-10-03 10:41:51 · answer #7 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have your friend be your maid of honor and the other one still be a bridesmaid. just explain the situation to her, and hopefully she will understand. Just be adult about it and tell them each your feelings and the truth...you can't aruge with that!
2007-10-03 10:55:35 · answer #8 · answered by Dangerous Person 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you are in a tough place!! the obvious thing to do is keep things the way they are. your previous maid of honor shouldn't have much to say about it because of the fight or disagreement you had...
2007-10-03 10:51:29 · answer #9 · answered by Jeanette 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't have any bridesmaids or groomsman. That way there is no fuss or hassle. i didn't have any at my wedding, and it was wonderful.
2007-10-03 11:32:11 · answer #10 · answered by navywife_2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋