My fiance and I did not include "+ guest" on invitations to our friends who we know are single in order for us to keep within our budget. But we've received a couple of RSVPs from those single friends who are adding a guest - though they did not specifically write the name of the guest. Any advice (without coming off too mean) on how we can respond to them saying we did not intend for them to bring a guest?
2007-10-03 02:51:19 · 22 answers · asked by Christine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think that fizzystuff has mentioned a good way to handle the situation.
Some of the answerers might feel like "what is ONE extra guest?", but you invited the people that YOU wanted there and most weddings have a budget. I'm sure that you have extra family and/or friends that you would rather invite than a guest of a single friend. Also, as mentioned...your other single friends might wonder why they couldn't bring a guest.
Even if some consider it "rude" to say something, I would want to keep my list as is.
My fiance and I have many mutual friends...who know each other...so, we will probably set a policy for the "and guests"...because we would rather invite more people ourselves than have our friends bring a random at our expense.
2007-10-03 03:51:07 · answer #1 · answered by WorldTraveler 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They probably didn't even realize that a guest wasn't invited. Not everyone you invited will be able to attend. Unless you have so many of these at the end that there truly won't be seating, I would just let them bring a guest. If not, it looks like you didn't really want them to come anyway, but that a gift was expected!
Having been on both sides of this situation, I have to agree with those who say it isn't right to expect single people to attend alone. It's different if you have invited a large group of single friends that all know each other, will have a great time together, are aware of the situation. That doesn't seem to be the case here.
You have probably invited some married couples where you don't know the spouse. What is the difference?
2007-10-07 02:07:53 · answer #2 · answered by Judy K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it puts you in a very awkward position. Is there any possible way to rebudget other areas to allow your single invited guest to bring a date? You stated only a few extra people. Maybe you can rebudget just a small portion of the flowers, photography, manicure/pedicure/hair/makeup, or even rebudget the gratuity envelopes. Something to include a little extra for the extra guests. Here is my reasoning, and you may not agree, but it's another way to think:
It may come off as harsh, and I do not mean to intend it this way. I might be offended if I were invited to a wedding as a single person and NOT be allowed to bring a date. Who will I eat dinner with? Who will I dance with? Who will I have a conversation with all night long? Am I just supposed to be stuck at a table of other single dateless people and put on a happy face? What if Ido not know ANYONE there? If I was unable to bring a guest, I would most likely decline going to the wedding.
To be tactful, you need to simply call these people. Acknowledge they included & guest on their RSVP card. Ask the name of their name so they can be included on the seating card. That shows grace and a kind hostess.
2007-10-03 03:28:47 · answer #3 · answered by Sharon F 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ediquate books (i.e. Emily Vanderbuilts book of ediquate is the old standard) will tell you that the proper way is that the person's listed on the address of the invite are the people who are invited...BUT...to my own dismay and experience....I've learned most people do not know proper ediquate these days. I just threw a huge party. I addressed all invites in accordance to this rule...it did not work! Most of my husbands friends brought their kids anyway! My invites were the norm. with info about the event...who, what, where and when. This is typical. In the Northeast (where I live) we have very elaborate events - sit down 4 course dinners averaging about $100.00 a person - that's on the low end without offering steak or seafood. They just called and didn't even send back the RSVP self addressed stamped envelopes that were supposed to be returned by a specific date listed on that perticular card. I grew up in the south were events are very small and a very elaborate wedding would be a buffet style sit where you want event....this type event is rare in the south. So, it matters a lot where you live and what kind of wedding you are throwing. If it is a less expensive event, I kinda agree with the other answers, sometimes you have to "suck it up". For a more expensive gathering you have to follow your heart as to how much you feel that person means in your life and weather or not their feelings are important enough to potentionally rewin the relationship. There is no easy answer to this one. People are people and some people just were not raised to know these kind of things. It is no fault of their own, it's just that these kind of things were not important to their parents so they just do not know any better. Believe me the day is well worth the moment of stress (even on the pocket book) that it causes you now. Good luck and congrats.
2016-05-19 22:20:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whereas, it IS a bit presumptuous on the part of your friend to bring a guest if it was not specified on the invitation, I believe it's important to consider what your wedding day is all about... celebrating!
If you're talking 5 or 10 extra people, I would simply absorb the cost and forego making an issue of it with your friends. The extra money today might feel like a lot, but in the longrun your guests will most likely have a better time being able to celebrate your day with their girlfriend / boyfriend, etc.
Life is full of surprizes and unexpected expenses. Unless the number of people is outlandish, I would not ask your friends to uninvite their guests.
2007-10-03 03:45:36 · answer #5 · answered by amazing_creation 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I just know this is going to happen to us in a few months! My plan is this: If only a few people RSVP with an extra person, and about the same number of people say that they're unable to come, then we'll just suck it up and not do anything about it. The numbers will be about the same. However, if there is a significant difference, we may have to have a chat with some folks. You're right - this is a sticky situation.
What amazes me is that people don't bother to ask whether they can bring a date. If there's any question, ASK! Good grief - it's not hard!
I don't think people are deliberately being rude, they're just not thinking about that extra person costing you an extra dinner. The cluelessness of some folks amazes me.
2007-10-03 04:04:38 · answer #6 · answered by SE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could not say anything and let the guest come. But if other single guests would notice this they might wonder why they couldnt bring a guest. Then I would just call them up and say "Got your RSVP- we are so glad you can come! I apologize that we dont have enough room for your guest to come. But we look forward to seeing YOU!"
2007-10-03 03:20:01 · answer #7 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It may be just as embarrassing for the guest who responds with two without realizing you were inviting ONLY THEM. This actually happened to me...as one of very few close friends of the couple who was not in a relationship at the time. When I returned my invitation I erroneously assumed I was invited with a guest, since I knew that the boyfriends of other friends were invited. My suggestion would be to just not do what this bride did...she sent me a cell phone text message telling me that they did not allow for non-boyfriend guests, then demanded to know who I wanted to bring. This was not handled very tactfully, and it certainly made me feel like some sort of outcast.
There is truth in the other answers about it being not too fun to attend a wedding as a single. Having no one to dance with or talk to without it being awkward "So...how do you know the couple?" kinda talk at the "singles table" stinks. Single guests may decline the invite, after hearing they'd have to come alone. However rude you may feel about them putting you in this awkward position, multiply that by how out of place you felt going somewhere that you knew very few people, and you'll get the idea of the position in which you are putting these friends.
I know that a lot of money is being shelled out by the couple in order to even invite the single guests. My advice would have been to allow for two plates for the single guests, and adjust the invite list accordingly. It would be better to set it up that way rather than risk your single friends wallowing in self-pity over the fact that they're not getting married, getting drunk and being THAT guest. Are your friends that just happen to be in relationships that much more worthy of having their "friend" at the wedding? If the single friends are not that close a friend that you can trust their choice of a date, why are you inviting them, anyway? You want them to celebrate in your happiness, not resent you, and have that memory of being embarrassed by their error, then having a crappy time at your wedding stamped in their minds every time they think about you and your new husband.
When you said you knew they were "single" what does that mean to you...unmarried, not in a long-term relationship, or not in a relationship at all? Because if you just mean unmarried, that seems rude, particularly if they are newly out of a relationship. It may appear to them that you are flaunting your happiness. When you call to say "you can't bring anyone" you may be permanently damaging your relationship with that friend. It may also appear that you are callous to their feelings, since you are now out of the "dating game," having found someone to commit to for life. If you value the friendships more than saving the cost of a couple of extra guests, don't say anything. Call to confirm the name of the guest, if you really need that name on the place cards. Unmarried people generally are not aware of proper wedding etiquette when it comes to responding to an invitation, unless they are wedding planners, etiquette experts, or have been to a lot of weddings.
2007-10-04 23:40:05 · answer #8 · answered by Technically 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hehe. This happened at my mother's wedding. And some of the extra's were people that was'nt exactly great friends with her... And seeing as I was in charge of the invites it was a bit difficult. But I got off fine with "Well, the amount of food we have ordered is for the set number of people. There's other people who want to bring a friend too, but we cant let everyone. Butbutbut if like, enough people cant come, we'll get back to you ASAP and tell you to bring the guest"... Unfortunately, not "enough" people dropped out... >.>
2007-10-03 02:56:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you need to call them back and state due to limited seating your guest will not be allowed to come.
Just be understanding if they want to change their rsvp if their guest cannot come.
I ALMOST had this issue with my crazy Aunt. She was going to include her son and his kids (total of 5 including her!) but changed her mind. If she did not change her mind I would have asked my mom to tell her that her son already has an invite and we are waiting to hear HIS rsvp, and to tell her that she is allowed A guest (I don't have Aunt's phone number).
2007-10-03 04:19:03 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋