ok, heres the story. i have been with my boyfriend 2 yrs.we've been living together for 1. we have a 4 mo old daughter, and were planning on getting married. im 24 he is 22.he is an awesome father. before i got pregnant with my daughter i found out he was conversating with some females on his myspace. he would write them about how good they looked and how much he wanted to meet them. he assured me it was nothing. the girls aren't even local and he would never do it again so we worked it out. recently i found some text messages on his cell to several different females 1 including his ex. he says things like "hey sexy" and "i hope i get to see your sexy *** this weekend" and "i miss u". i dont know what to do. i confronted him and he told me they are just his friends and thats how guys talk. i truly dont feel hes being honest and his word means nothing. i really do love him. im just not sure what the next step is.is this cheating? i cant trust he wont do this again.am i setting myself up?he swears im the one. please help! female AND male advice.
2007-10-03 02:45:21 · 34 answers · asked by Mami_Isha 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
OMG! Conversing and Doing are the same thing. He shows intentions for other women. Don't listen to his lies. You have seen enough signals to let you know that although he says you are the one, he definitely is not the one for you. Unfortunately, you have a child with him but that should be no reason to stay with someone that is not honest. You are setting yourself up for constant heartbreaks for the rest of your life if you stay with him and you will be unhappy and you do not deserve that. Your child(s) needs a happy healthy mother and a good father that may not live with you. Please take it from someone much older, you have enough proof to find someone that cares for you and only you. Good Luck!
2007-10-03 02:50:36 · answer #1 · answered by Hello to You! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cheating yes. Is he a suitable father and husband no, not unless he makes a major change. However he needs some major, long term maturing or some crisis to trigger that change. You can't make him change. You can't control other people and their actions but you can control your actions. That's where the changes can be made.
To put it bluntly, you screwed up, majorly. You fell for the same garbage he's feeding those other women. You should not be living and sleeping with guys who aren't already your husband, nobody should. That's what put you in this situation. He was then what he is now and you fell for it.
If you had refused to sleep with him or let him live with you he would have been gone a long time ago and you might currently be in a relationship with a worthy man. You are just as culpable as your boyfriend. You both got what you wanted at the time.
Let all the men and women who read your story learn from your mistake. The best you can do now is dedicate the rest of your life to raising your daughter. Everything you do, every decision you make should be for her. Deny yourself and your needs. Now, when you consider your boyfriend in that light, should you stay with him? Should you get married?
I believe that every child is infinitely better off with father and mother. But unless somethign major changes with this guy he's going to cause so much chaos in your life that your daughter is going to suffer tremendously. Because of your poor judgement the better situation for your daughter may be to have a single mother.
I''m not being mean and saying you're a bad person. I'm sure you're a good woman and will make a great mother. You just believed the lie that there are no moral absolutes. That if your body needs sex, you have sex. If you feel like living wiht a guy you do it and nobody has a right to judge or tell you what to do. It's true nobody has a right to judge or control your life but you used your freedom in a selfish, irresponsible way and you are now a slave to the consequences.
Make this the verse of your life. Figure out what it means, start living it and teaching it to your daughter:
Gal 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
You did not stand firm and you are now burdened by a yoke of slavery to your past decisions. Put your life and your daughter in God's hands, accept Christ and start walking in obedience to his word and you will experience freedom again. If you continue to use your freedom irrresponsibly your life will continue to be a struggle and it may get much, much worse.
2007-10-03 14:37:16 · answer #2 · answered by SolaFide 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your other friend does not seem like a very good one, if he does not respect you when you tell him no. And secondly, since the guy came onto you and you tried to stop it then I wouldn't really say you cheated. Also you and the boy your talking to aren't even dating, so I agree with your friend that you did not do anything wrong. I still believe that honesty is key, and you can not build a relationship out of lies. So you should tell the boy you like about what happened, if you two love each other as much as you think, then nothing will be able to wreck your "relationship". Ps you might as well put a label on it, because it sounds like neither of you would want to see the other one with anyone else. Make it official:)
2016-05-19 22:18:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you're not comfortable with the kind of language he is using with his "friends". Tell him that if you were on the receiving end of the messages, that you would think he was flirting with you or talking to you the way a lover does. You might also want to mention to him that you'd appreciate a few of those cute messages. If he gets huffy and says it's nothing, tell him that it's something to you and all you are asking is for him to show you how much he respects and cares for you feelings. Remind him that if he loves you so much, then why would he continue a behavior that is hurting you. Tell him how important your family is to you, and that you need his emotional support to help keep it together. This will both stroke his ego and alert him to the fact that he's not being a great daddy by not respecting mommy. He's young, he probably just doesn't see how what he's doing is wrong and hurtful, so I wouldn't say that you can't trust him to not do it again. Maybe it will take something dramatic to get him to wake up. If worse comes to worse, tell him that you and the baby will be staying with family or friends until the man in your lives is ready to fully commit himself to respecting their emotions.
Right before I got married (at 21, my husband 27) I was still talking to some guys that were my friends. We joked around and I have to admit that some of the messages could have been construed as flirtatious. It took a whole night's worth of arguing and listening, not one time, but TWICE, before I figured out that I loved my fiance much more than I would ever care about these "friends". I eventually made the decision to phase those "friends" out of my life for the sake of my marriage and haven't regretted it since.
Good luck with your situation.
2007-10-03 02:59:15 · answer #4 · answered by rainbowreggie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
first of all he is definitly cheating on you. and yes him texting females is a form of cheating. think about it what would he do if you were texting your ex saying hey sexy. and even if he never actually had physical encounters with them he knows that would hurt you and you dont hurt people you love. i dont know him but from your story i am almost positive he is cheating and if hes not those are the sure signs that hes one hop jump and skip away from doing so. you deserve better and believe me there is a guy out there who will never even think to call another girl sexy and wont disrespect you and talk to his ex in such a manner. believe me get out now before you wind up more hurt and wishing you would have been left!
2007-10-03 02:55:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it could just be harmless flirting, but if it is making you upset then it isn't harmless.
He should stop, especially if it's making you uncomfortable and giving you doubts about his fidelity and your relationship.
I wouldn't say that "that's how guys talk" unless they converse that way because they like the girl/think she's pretty/want to sleep with them, etc.
A normal boy girl friendship doesn't necessarily consist of those thoughts or words.
You guys are practically married, maybe he is scared and is doing all this before he gets tied down so to speak. Not that I'm excusing it, but rather trying to understand.
I really think that you just need to sit him down and hash this thing out. The only way this can be cheating is if you think it is. Each person has their own definition of what cheating is.
If your bf doesn't change/stop this behavior you will go into your marriage without trust or confidence in him and his fidelity.
2007-10-03 02:52:09 · answer #6 · answered by Jae Rae 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
im telling you right now, that is not how guys talk. Especially ones that supposed to love each other. I would never talk to another girl like unless I had something on my mind. He is trying to score, I would seriously consider your relationship. Remember, its hard to break something off, especially with a child, but would it be better to be separate and happy, or together and miserable? Having 2 parents fighting and not trusting eachother can be just as if not more devastating than ones that are separated. Keep it civil though if you do break up, for the child.
2007-10-03 02:49:37 · answer #7 · answered by footballfan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take it from a woman that had that happen to her.. My ex also said it was nothing but it really turned out he was sleeping with them. Once a cheater always a cheater and dont ever foget that. You deserve to be treated better and there is more fish in the sea. I am a single mother of 2 and let me tell you it is hard but we make it just fine. I dont have to sit and wonder every night what he is doing and who he is talking to. Be strong and tell him to get the hell out and that you need someone that will be faithful and true to you. They are just friends and that is how guys talk "bullshit" he is playing you for a fool
2007-10-03 04:49:42 · answer #8 · answered by jenniferk5683 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had this same thing happen to me... and he was sneaky, and said things to make me believe him. but in the end he was definitely cheating. Sorry but if guys tell others they are sexy and hope they see them this weekend then they are cheating. You don't want to see it because you love him and have a baby with him. Take the blinders off and confront him. Make him admit it and either get some help with his problem or move on. Life is too short to stay with someone who cant put you and your baby first... its time for him to grow up!!! Trust in God to see you through during all your hurting and decisions.
2007-10-03 03:01:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it from a man who's cheated in life and thought he was GOD'S gift to women. Unfortunately, (and forgive me for putting it this way) If you for one second take your daughter out of the equation, will you still have a boyfriend? You're setting yourself up for heartbrache. You're both young and you have your life ahead of you. He will not change in the immediate future. You need to think about what's best for your daughter. Yes, she needs a father, but she also don't need to be raised in an unhappy household. Delay any thoughts of marriage and remember, TALK IS CHEAP
2007-10-03 02:57:20 · answer #10 · answered by michaelfortune55 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋