My sixth grader hates me!?

Question

My daughter is 11 and just went into the sixth grade. She has always been a mama's baby but also is extremely mature in her mind for her age. She always has been ahead and acted older. She acts like she's 15 or 16. Suddenly this year she started acting like she hates me and does not want me around or want to spend time with me anymore. It really hurts since she is my only child and I don't know what to do. She is very popular at school and is now only interested in her friends. Should I be concerned? I know this is normal at a later age but she is still only eleven, even though she has the body and mind of an older child. Please help.

Answer 1

I'm 11 as well and just started sixth grade. It's a bad stage that we go through. I'm going through it as well. When your around 7th and 8th graders and how they curse and talk about inappropriate things, we kind of push our parents aside and think ' yeah we're cool and we can do whatever we want ' I get punished when i talk to my mom that way. I sometimes hate my mom sometimes because I feel that I'm stronger than her. I'm also 5'6 and act sometimes like I'm sixteen. The best thing to do is sit down with her and have a talk her. I had to do the same thing and I'm getting a whole lot better with things now.
And we think that we hate our parents but we really don't.

Answer 2

I agree with what everyone has said so far but wanted to add, she still needs to treat you with consideration and respect no matter what her age. I would sit her down and talk to her, ask her what you are doing that is making her treat you this way and then let her know you will work on those things but the attitude towards you needs to stop.
This is the crucial age where my aunt says you cannot be your child's friends you have to be their parent even if they hate you for it. She may act 15 or 16 but the bottom line she is 11 and needs to be reminded of that. If she treats you this way now imagine what it will be like in 4 or 5 more years. While the behavior is normal I would not tolerate it from my girls.

Answer 3

She doesn't hate you. Maybe you could ask her if she'd like to have some friends over. Prepare a movie night or something. We all go through it...we all go through the stage when we think our parents are not cool or are too strict. I'm pretty sure it's just her age. From your question, I get the impression that she is not being very respectful right now. You are her mother, and you should demand her respect. I'm not trying to be mean or say anything about you. I don't even know you, but maybe you could take her and some friends somewhere fun. She may be embarassed of you (we are all embarrased of our parents about this age). Show her that you want to be involved in her life, and show her that you are laid back and want the best for her. Just remember, actions speak louder than words. Good luck.

Answer 4

It's just a phase,she will change.

Being a straight A student or being popular in school has its biggest pressure and tension and expectations not only from parents,relatives, teachers but also from peers.

Being an active popular student... there are various demands usually unending that in the end the last thought of the person is family. I've been to that pressure and it wasn't easy. You have to live to the expectation of everyone to be the best in everything you do.

I hope your daughter has a good best friend whom she can open up and not one who bottles in many things within herself.

I hope you can connect with her through open-frank-honest one on one daughter to mom talk... that kind of closeness and that she would open up to you what is bothering her.

Also... don't clash with fire if you see she isn't in the mood nor receptive to listen to any of your advice.

The only thing is... she has to maintain the good respect to a mom and not answer back bad or do things to spite you. Just be very aware of those little act of rebellion not to be in habitual way.

good luck!

Answer 5

Aww I know this feeling! My son is barely nine and he's going through the same thing. We have such a close relationship and now he acts like I'm bothering him just to ask him how his day went.

Unfortantly this is a normal part of growing up. As long as you make sure that she treats you and the rest of the family with respect-it should be ok.

She's trying to spread her wings. She does NOT hate you, she's just going through some hard times within her self. Peer pressure says "Hate the parents" I'm sure in her heart she doesn't mean to hurt you.

I sat my son down and told him how he was making me feel. It stopped to a degree.

Answer 6

First of all, don't worry, in some way this is all a phase it could be that she's beginning the puberty phase where in she would rather be seen out with friends than with parents. Just because she dosent open out to you like she usually does, doesnt mean she hates you, it could be that she's growing up. You as a parent should understand that and give her a bit of space and privacy, eventually she will come around to talk to you. Just observe her in a while, if all else fails, you could just "randomly" talk to her. but dont be pushy, teens hate that...instead...just ask her "what's going on lately?" or "what's going on now?" if she's ready, she'll open up to tell you her "grown-up" problems.

Answer 7

She doesn't "hate" you, she is testing the water. I would stop being her "friend" for awhile and start being the "keeper of the rules". I had to go through this with my daughter and after the hurt phase I got tough....REAL TOUGH, because I wanted to make sure when she is 15 on she makes the right choices and respects me that I am her friend but her mother first. It worked...after a few months of playing "Hitler" and knowing her every move (which drove her crazy) she realized I was on her side and on top of things and now she is a very well rounded 15yr old girl and once again my bud....she knows the rules, respects them, and doesn't test me anymore.

Answer 8

We taught our kids the "golden rule" at a very early age and continue to do so today. Our kids are 16, 12, 9. If they buy into that (treat other people the way you want to be treated), and understand that it applies to everyone, including parents, then you're setting yourself up, as a parent, to have loving children. Hopefully it's not too late for you. Best of luck.

Answer 9

Not that I know everything, but I would treat her as she has treated me. In other words there are limitations to being an 11 year old without asking Mom for anything, so when she approaches you with her wants, think before you act, then speak to her about why you have concerns about assisting her in remaining nasty towards you, except when it is convenient for her. I would also monitor who her friends are and perhaps discreetly rectify or readjust this situation, remember , you are the adult, regardless to how she lloks or acts.

Answer 10

It's just the age. My daughter was the same way. However what happens it that you AND your daughters friends start doing things...like taking THEM places (bowling, skating, mall, etc.) as a group (maybe just one friend will usually do). However let your daughter know either Friday or Saturday is YOURs and HERs day to either do nails...hair...shop...even catch a movie together. Just let her know that you don't want to lose her. She'll understand. Let her pick the day...whatever day it is. Final note: Most of the time kids this age and later get into mischief BECAUSE of their peers...so be sure to keep yourself "IN" the picture whether she likes it or not.