i want an other baby..but..?

Question

we have a 13 month old son..and i want to have an other baby when my son is around 2 going on 3 or around there.
I've tried mentioning it to my hubby, but he as soon as the topic comes up he says "i dont want to talk about it" when i eventually get him to talk, he says he is not ready because having our son has been harder work than what he first thought it would.
I really want an other one, when we first meet we both wanted 5 kids.
Im an only child, and i dont want my son to be an only child aswell.
I dont want a big age difference between my kids..if i end up having more..
Im talking to him now because i didnt want to shock him at last minute and be like "okay lets have an other one now!"
Is there a way to change his mind? or what do you think i should do?

Answer 1

Sometimes its the stress of taking care of a kid that makes parents not want to have one more. Maybe in another couple of months' time, when your son is more adorable, understanding and less of a nuisance (if he ever is), mention to your husband again?

Its still okay to have an age gap of about 3-4 years among your children. Spacing out the children may be a good option in the end.

Answer 2

My hubby was the same way at that age. A little over a year later, we were laying in bed one night and the subject came up again. I told him, "ya know, if we got pregnant now, our son will be almost 3 by the time the baby gets here". I think my hubby forgot that it takes 9 months and he (like myself) want our children to be close in age. I'm now 19 weeks pregnant and the baby is due 2 weeks after our sons 3rd birthday. Give him some time & don't push the matter right now, he very well may change his mind.

Answer 3

I understand. I have a two year old going on three and would like to have another before the age gap get too big. Raising a toddler can be stressful and if your husband is having a time with it I would respect that. It is only going to be more stressful raising two and if you "talk" him into it- or force him into it - there will be a strain on your marriage and he will possibly resent you for putting him in the situation. I understand your wants because I don't want my son to grow up without a sibling but due to the cost of caring for another child and the stress of work and my growing toddler I have decided to wait. I also decided to wait so that my toddler can have more one on one time with me. I don't want to miss sharing any moment with him. I want to squeeze out every drop I can have bc these moment pass so quickly. Be patient and give your husband time. AS your baby gets older it will become less stressful for him. My husband was the same way. The thought of having another baby so soon can be overwhelming. The older the child gets- the more independant he becomes, the more likely it is your husband will have a change of heart. Don't expect him to right now. He is still adjusting to this new responsibility.

Answer 4

Never try to change your husbands mind about such a hugh responsibility. As your son gets older your husband will see what joy he brings to the both of you. If your husbands thinks your 13 month old is a lot of work then the last thing you need is another child. I don't know your financial situation but keep in mind the cost of college today and what it will be by the time your children get there. It may be a good idea to space your children 4 years apart just to keep your finances and your sanity in check. Trust me!

Answer 5

This has to come from both of you..he will want to have the baby too! you sound very young still and do not push things, give your body time to adjust and enjoy time with you son now! Speak to your husband and tell him of you needs, again..tell him that you would like to try for another baby when your son is about 4 years old, then he, your son will understand and you can involve him as well and tell him he will be the bigger brother..he will be able to understand this better when he is that age. Your husband too has to be in agreement and want and fulfill your needs. But then again, if it is Gods will..I pray that he will agree to this eventually..There is still a long time and 3-4 years is a long way away..just enjoy your family now! Good luck

Answer 6

Maybe you should wait awhile longer before you bring the subject up again. It's obviously a touchy subject for him. Talk to him about wanting another child at a time when he's in a good mood. I'm dealing with the same sort of thing. I have a 19 month old boy, and i want another child as well. When i brought this up to my boyfriend, he freaked out. Apparently he wasn't in the greatest mood either. He thinks that one is enough. I just want one more child, so that my child has someone else to grow up with. Then when i've brought the subject up to him at other times when he's calm, he's more understanding. He told me he just wanted to wait a little while. I wish you the best, and i'm sure you guys can work this situation out. He's probably just scared to have another baby. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

are you getting along fine finance wise or is the child more work then you thought, instead of just trying to have a child you should be trying to find out why your husband do sent want one, it is a lot of work having a child and two around the same age would be twice the work. maybe your husband just doesn't want another child until the first is at school.is your husband an only child because if he isn't he could be trying to spare your child the little attention he got.

Answer 8

Let it go for now. He said he is not ready yet to have another child. He may change his mind later. Wait for the terrible 2's to pass. I don't know what else you can do really. If you nag, it's only going to make things worse. He might be overawed at the little one you have now and feeling a bit scared and inadequate??? Just guessing. It's a pity he won't talk. My hubby is the same. I think it would be easier pulling hens teeth sometimes.

Answer 9

thats a tough one. Is he an only child too? sounds like it was more than he could handle. was your son a handful and fussy or sick? at l3 months he should be a lot of fun now and not so hard so get your husband to see the fun side and try to get him to understand that his son needs a brother to play with and 2 is actually easier than l because they keep each other occupied. of course that is a little ways down the road until they are older. but I hope you can talk him into it. good luck

Answer 10

You cant change his mind, he doesn't want one and if you force him it will put a big strain on the marriage - My ex hubby and I planned on 10 kids, we had 1 and that was enough and she wasn't a lonely child - if you do have more don't have a big age gap, there was 7 years between me and my sis and we never got on, my daughter has a 9 year old and a new baby and it is trouble.