I just found out that she owe a credit card company $50,000. She have a job and lives by herself in a small apartment. She is single and have no children. She doesn't do drugs or smoke. She was an honor student in school with no criminal record. I don't understand why she have a big debt. She had no student loan. Financial aid paid for everything before. I asked her where this huge debt come from. She said she doesn't want to tell me. I understand that she is an adult but I am her mother and this is a big problem that I want to help her, but she doesn't want me to. What could be wrong? What can I do now? I feel like crying because she is this way now.
2007-10-02 16:42:20 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She'll be fine. The credit card company would not have extended such a big credit limit for her if she hadn't exibited the ability to repay. She is a smart girl, you must let go and let her grow. This will build character for her. She'll come to you if she really needs you.
On second thought, money laundering is a possibility. How does a 23 year old get such a big line of credit. Keep you eyes open for illegal activites. Maybe even hire a detective.
2007-10-02 16:47:42 · answer #1 · answered by choirgirl3 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
there are hundreds of addicts out there. she may be addicted to shopping which provides her some type of gratification and satisfaction.
have you seen any evidence of where the 50,000.00 has been spent? if not, then i would consider the possibility that it does involve drugs or she is being black-mailed by someone or sharing money with a person she believes is in need.
even though 23 is a definite adult age, we both know that it takes more than 23 years to get some experience under the belt. but she may feel that she is a failure to you or the family because of this debt.
do you feel comfortable co-signing a loan for the amount she owes? tell her that you love her and you thought that you two had an honest relationship and you wish she had come to her if she was in need of that amount of money.
tell her that, even though you would prefer to know what happened, you still love her and will do what she needs to get her life back in order - because she is now paying interest on interest, etc etc. she doesn't want to file bankruptcy at this age. but if whatever it was that caused this is over and the 50,000.00 is the bottom line. then offer to co-sign a loan with her and make her cut up all credit cards.
if she filed bankruptcy she would lose all of those cards anyway. it shows immediately on the credit reports. therefore the best to do is to get rid of the debt by getting a loan to have fixed payments.
but only co-sign if you know this is it and she is willing to give you her credit cards. if she can't promise to agree to these conditions then let her deal with it on her own. 23 is old enough to know that it is "responsibility for self".
it's a tough call, i know, but if you just assume the debt for her, then she will never learn from whatever is going on to cause the debt.
2007-10-03 01:25:21 · answer #2 · answered by lazi_luci 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You must be pretty worried. Unless she tells you, you won't really know how she racked up such a debt. We'd all just be guessing. You can help her just be being a good listener; she may be afraid that you will judge her negatively. If she was just irresponsible with the card, it is really her problem, and she is responsible to pay it down. What does she have to show for $50,000? Crisis, in Chinese, is written with 2 symbols - danger and opportunity. This isn't a good place for her now, but she has the opportunity to learn from this experience. If, as somebody else said, she was forced by somebody else to use the card to give them money, then that is another problem altogether.
My next question is this. How does a 23 year old get $50,000 worth of credit on a credit card?
2007-10-02 23:57:47 · answer #3 · answered by sheltie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that she has a problem, like being a shopaholic. Or maybe she doesn't have health insurance, had some nasty medical bills, and didn't want to tell you either because you have been hounding her to get insurance or because she is embarrassed about what happened to her.
I am 24, and some of my friends have amassed a lot of credit card debt, but nowhere near that much. If it's a one time, unfortunate thing that happened to her (like a hospital bill) then if you could help you probably should. If it is poor money decisions, do not help her out, because she needs to learn the consequences of spending more than she earns. If she is a shopoholic, suggest that she seek counseling.
2007-10-02 23:56:52 · answer #4 · answered by jellybeanchick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isnt anything wrong with her, like 70 percent of america she has overspent. Chances are unless she goes with a credit reduction company she will never get it paid off that would be her best best. Or to file bankrupcy which is a last resort. The disadvatange of having credit card over debit cards. But suggest she seek help from a credit reduction company there are several out there that can help her.
2007-10-02 23:51:15 · answer #5 · answered by hector v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
www.daveramsy.com is a helpful place to go. You could look for a up and coming Financial Peace University class near your zip and sign her up. I think it cost about $100 but if that is not affordable there are "scolarships" to make it cheaper. You would only to convince them that that the price is not affordable, well that is how I paid less for the class. This isn't you giving her money its you helping her be better able to save, spend, and share what she has. Dave Ramsey has excellent tips made easy and he is funny. I took the class myself and learned so much. It wasn't boring and I looked foward to each class. In the first few lessons he will tackle the importance of paying with cash, conquring stuffitus, and saving money. I can't think of a better way to help your daughter. Mom or dad you might love the class too. I know I did!
2007-10-03 00:13:56 · answer #6 · answered by Daughter of King Jesus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am also 23, and in college I myself accumulated some credit card debt. She's probably embarrassed and doesn't really want to talk to anyone about it. Maybe it was just a bunch of little dumb things she bought and it all added up to a lot.
2007-10-02 23:47:13 · answer #7 · answered by Megals Bagels 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She'll never get out from under that. I'd recommend bankruptcy; by the time she's 30, it'll be wiped from her credit report and she'll have no debt. You just have to make sure she's really learned her lesson and gets NO MORE credit cards!
2007-10-02 23:45:56 · answer #8 · answered by Laura 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
my guess would be online gambling if she doesn't have an apartment cluttered with stuff.
DONT declare bankruptcy
DONT go to a loan shark or one of thos "cash now" places
DO talk to a debt counselor or something
and she is an adult, this is her mess. help, but don't HELP.
2007-10-02 23:58:24 · answer #9 · answered by Alyssa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try telling her what you told us just now about how you are worried and want to help. Sometimes it can be embarassing to admit to something big, but just let her know that you are there for her and willing to hep. More than likely she is just nervous about telling you, or maybe a little bit ashamed. Giver her space, but let her know that you are willing to listen when she is ready. Good luck!
2007-10-02 23:54:29 · answer #10 · answered by woaikonglong 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋