Would you call someone fat to their face?

Question

I got called fat twice in 2 days, one time by a non family member. I am kind of fat but not considered obese or anything. I’m just wondering how tactless people are these days.

Oh btw, I’m not emotionally scarred or anything. I’m just surprised how tactless people are

Actually it was something like ‘have you been eating a lot, you are getting fat, you better go to the gym to lose some fat’

Travelle: I am embracing the messenger; I am surprisingly calm and not affected by it

True there IS a difference between ‘being mean’ and ‘being concerned about one’s health’

True there IS a difference between ‘being mean’ and ‘being concerned about one’s health’

Answer 1

Do what Miss Manners always says: give them a really surprised look and ask "why would you say something like that?"

Or take the high road and say, I'm aware of how I look and I'm happy with my figure but thanks for your concern.

Answer 2

My rule of thumb for family and close friends is: Be concerned about health and cleanliness. If they're overweight to a level where I think it may be affecting their health, I might say something. Or if my friend is not taking care of themselves (showing up smelling, dirty, whatever), I would say something. Beyond these two, their appearance is their business and I've no right to demand they change it.

I know how you feel, though - my dad likes to comment on my weight all the time. I've gained weight in the last couple of years (graduating college and the first year of law school will do that to you), but I'm still not remotely near a level that should cause concern. Yet my father feels the need to comment on my weight at every opportunity, referring to me as a "blob," making comments if he sees me eating any form of junk food, constantly harping about my "horrible diet" (even though I cook for myself, eat lots of veg and drink fruit juice constantly, etc), and asking me why I don't want to lose weight because "Don't you want a boyfriend?" It's highly, HIGHLY insulting, especially considering that he himself is extremely overweight, has numerous health problems and is afraid to go to doctors whenever he has to because they ALL beg him to lose some weight. I understand he doesn't want me to "follow in his footsteps," but it also stinks of chauvinism and male privilege, and I have to remind him that how I look is of NO concern to him.

People, especially people you are close to and especially family, seem to think that your relationship gives them the special right to comment on or critique your appearance. It can be very aggravating. You need to draw a line and say "I'm sorry, but I'm comfortable with who I am, and if I ever do have any issues with my appearance, it's my problem. I'm happy the way I am, so I guess you'll just have to be happy with that, too."

Good luck! People really make way too big a deal out of a little fat. As long as you're *fit*, that's the important thing. Sometimes I wish I'd been born in an era when a little fat was a sign of good social standing and skinny girls were "out," then we'd all be free to have an utterly guilt-free dessert if we felt like it without family members making snide comments. :)

Answer 3

I would ! Not really if it is "fat" , I used to call my friend "short" and I thought I was just making a joke . They said nothing either and even just smiled so I thought that it was okay and I still did that till highschool over . They still called me "fat" or something like that or sometimes theys till teased about my weight (actually I am quite bigger than them) but I don't mind or sometimes I mind a bit but I just let it pass . i thought they were just kidding . When I was sophomore , I had still been with the girl who was in highschool and she told me she and another girl hated to be called as "short" at that time . She said she used to think that how I could be so confident to think that I am taller than them and such . Then I know that joking is not funny all the time . My experience told me that we shouldnt mention to someone's weight ! At least if you consider it as a joke , not everyone will laugh . And it is just showing that you are out of the game not showing that you have sense of humour .

Answer 4

I'm fat, if I'm talking to someone else who is fat, sometimes I might refer to them that way. Why not? Ignoring the Big Pink Elephant sitting in the middle of the floor doesn't change things or make it go away. Often something like, "Fat people like you and me should..... (whatever that is)". Get over it, or lose the weight. If we are FAT then we are fat and someone pretending we aren't makes no sense at all.

If you weren't aware that other people think you are fat, then it is high time you did. I say, embrace the messenger, don't kill them.

Answer 5

Different people handle this different ways. Family can be the most insensitive when it comes to your health. Probably because "they care about you" and tough love may get you to change your ways... whatever. Friends are different. If you think they're being insensitive, you should tell them, you're being insensitive with your words and I don't appreciate it. It works in both instances. If they persist, tell them: thanks, can we move on now? My friends and I joke about this all the time but, we know it's all in good nature. We know we're fatsos and we work hard to keep our rotund forms! We are in shape, round is a shape! For those that think we need to diet, tell them that you're working on it and thanks for your concern. Bottom line, keep a cooler head and things will work out. Don't be too easily offended if there's no reason for it. Good luck.

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong with telling someone you care about that you are concerned about their health, but whatever clods you are talking to are insensitive and tactless. The way they made their comments were just mean.

Answer 7

It depends on WHO the person is, but more than likely I would not. I would find another way to say "fat". I nice way rather. I wouldn't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but there are very few people that I'd flat out say "Goodness you've gotten fat since the last time I saw you.".

Answer 8

Absolutely never! I can't believe anyone over age 7 would do this. Talk about lack of breeding. "I'm just a blunt person" doesn't fly. It's trying to justify rude behavior. If you feel you *have* to make a comment about someone's weight, it can be phrased a little differently. Do you really think an overweight person says, wow, really? I never noticed! Thanks for letting me know in the harshest way possible! Sheesh. It's not like having your fly undone.

Answer 9

I would NEVER call someone fat to their face. It's really no one else's business. The only person who might bring it up, if you were getting obese, should be a doctor or a close loved one.

Answer 10

People are clueless as to other people's feelings. It is rude and uncalled for. Regardless. Offending someone is never the right thing to do.