I usually phone her everyday to check she is ok.
Yesterday she got cross when I didn't agree with something she said, so she hung up on me. It was so sudden and I didn't even realise it was such a big deal.
Hubby said I should stop coddling her and let her sulk for a day or two. I worried about her all night.
She has had depression for about 20 years now and I am so tired of playing these mind games with her. Usually I phone straight back and try to sort it out, but this time I decided to leave her alone.
What is the best way to handle this? Should I be phoning her regularly or is this just making things worse?
2007-10-02 15:46:07 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Wow...thank you for some great advice people. I really appreciate it :-)
Mum has been to doctors, psychologists and clinics. She is supposed to be on anti-depressants but keeps taking herself off them and then lies to me and says the doctor said she didn't need them anymore.
Actually she has become a compulsive liar and even pretends to be sick so that we will rush over to see her more often.
She has lots of friends and other family who visit or phone her daily. I guess being her only child I feel responsible for her welfare.
2007-10-02 16:08:39 · update #1
If she's had it for 20 years, honestly, it could be making it worse. I'll say this from experience since I've had depression for 15 years. It could be either way. I know with me....if no one called me, that's when my mind turns to suicide. However, if she's choosing not to get help, then it could be that you're enabling her to stay sick. Even negative attention (calling her to make sure she's okay, worrying about her, etc.) is better than no attention at all so as long as she's getting what she feeds on, she's not going to change. She knows that you're at her beckon call and are worried about her every move. It's hard to say what you should do because I don't know your mom, but I know myself and when people worry over me, I tend not to help myself. But, when no one seems to care, I tend to give up, too. I think you need to find a happy medium. Live your own life, but include her, call her, etc. You're married so your mom shouldn't be the center of your life anymore. Maybe if she sees you living your life, but still caring about her, calling her, including her, maybe that would encourage her to seek help. I am and it's helping me tremendously.
2007-10-02 15:54:34 · answer #1 · answered by First Lady 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to take care of yourself first and if that means getting a good night sleep then phone her every darn day! You know if she answers the phone she's fine so no need to call back if she hangs up on you. I am in the same boat with you and it totally sucks but you only have 1 mom. I've learned to stop asking "how are you" because I either get a list of every single ailment possible or she is just angry about something. There isn't a medication out there that "works for her" or so she says. The side effects are "unbearable" like sweating profusely with Wellbutrin but she was happier. I've come to the realization that she doesn't want to be happy... but I do. Live your life for you, include her in yours but don't cater to her mood swings. You're not making things worse by checking on her so continue to do so for YOUR piece of mind. Good luck!
2007-10-02 23:09:15 · answer #2 · answered by Em 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hello Abbi. Sorry to hear about your Mother. I have a good friend that suffers from Depression. He is normally ok, and takes suitable drugs. I take it Mom is on Medication?There are going to be days when nothing seems to work, however hard you try.Your Mom can't help it.But I wouldn't be phoning her every day.You are not instilling her with the idea she is managing. Depression is manageable, but you must remember when she is moody, it is best to back off. If she has gone for 20 years,she'll be good for another 20 I'm sure.As they say in Boxing-Just Roll with the punches, and keep phoning to once or twice a week. Remember God is looking after both of you. God Bless.
2007-10-02 23:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your dilemma and have been in it myself with my mother. You really have to step back and look at the whole picture. She might be so used to you saving her emotionally that she is playing on that. I have started calling my mother and only talking about positive things that are going on in life at the moment and when she changes the subject then it's time to go. This has really hepled are relationship and given me back control over my days from fear of should I call or should I not. Do just control the conversation.
2007-10-02 23:10:17 · answer #4 · answered by marla s 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My mom has it too, and I'm the only child, and it's truly life sucking sometimes. I know you love her, but you have a right to live your life too. It' s ok to feel fed up and to take a break from her. I know that I have, and I felt bad, but if it's not a healthy relationship, it's just going to get worse and eventually interfere with your marrige,
2007-10-02 22:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by gowpet 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you should go ahead and call her, what may mean one thing to you may not mean the same thing to her...for instance you not calling her may mean to her that you don't care even though that is obviously not how you feel. sometimes people who suffer with depression interpret things differently or the tiniest thing can have a big impression on their emotions.
2007-10-02 23:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by super87freak 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't call back, so you already sent a message. Tomorrow wouldn't be the best day to bail on her. When this blows over, talk to her about calling a little less frequently.
Big question is what have you done to get her in to see a doc or a therapist? Another is whether she is truly depressed or a negative person playing you. There is a difference. Read up on codependence.
2007-10-02 22:56:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋
Just phone her every other day but definitely keep in touch with her and keep her laughing!
2007-10-02 22:53:23 · answer #8 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if yo uusually call right back and then today you just left her alone i think she might think youve grown tired of her dont want to talk to her anymore.. ask her doctor what you could do to help.
2007-10-02 22:49:14 · answer #9 · answered by I'm totally illiterate. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep phoning her it would be nice if she is all by herself just keep phoning her it would make her fell better
2007-10-02 22:58:50 · answer #10 · answered by Sam S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋