i have 9 year old twin girls who has never been separated in school, this year the teachers want to separate?

Question

them, because they say one is dependant on the other and they want to see how she will do own her own. we're not sure what to do, anyone been through this?

Answer 1

Can they not just separate them within a class? Like putting a couple of desks between them?

There's a strong bond between twins that even science cannot fully explain and this sounds a bit cruel.

The only way to go along with this if it is not really an option is to insist that if after 1 month (for example) there is no change or the situation becomes worse, that they be put back together again.

I don't think 9yo should be separated any longer than that.

If they were younger, it might have been easier...

Talk to the school counsellor, your GP/MD or get a meeting with the school to find out more about what they intend to do if it doesn't work out.

Good luck, it's a really tough decision.

At the end of the day, it's what the girls really want that will count and you will have to support them in their decision.

Answer 2

I seperated my twins (fraternal) this year at school as the teacher feels it would make them feel more "individual". This is the standard cry of a teacher. You would not find two more individual than my kids but I did it. They have been very happy but they are boy/girl twins which is very different to identical. At 9 they are old enough to cope so it is probably worth giving it a try especially if one is more dependant on the other. It will help them to learn to cope by themselves and let the other have a little freedom. Just make sure they each have a good friend in with them and maybe talk with the teachers and make sure they agree if in 8 weeks they are not coping then they can be moved back together. All twins are different and cope differently but it is worth trying. My two enjoy being seperated but I am considering putting them back together next year but they are not dependant on each other so this is not an issue

Answer 3

Been there. But mine were separated for grade 1 because the teacher thought one was more dependent and less social than the other.

Best thing I could have done for them and I've never regetted it. It made the one really open up and the other one relaxed because he didn't feel responsible for his twin anymore. He could focus more on his work and his own friends. They remained separated until they started a new school this year and then they were asked if they wanted to be in the same class. They said no, they wanted different classes! (As it turned out, they had to be put in the same one anyway due to the number of students, but the thing is that they would have been fine being apart).

But you could try it for just one term and see how it goes. I had requested that for the boys; a trial period, so to speak.

Answer 4

Have you tried asking them what they want? i also have a twinn and in elemetary school we were mostly seperated but were sometimes placed in the same room. everyone is telling you to seperate them but dont listem to them do what you think is right, i mean when they are ready and when the time comes they will be independent from each other. dont think of it as seperating the twins think of it like if they were best friends (which most likely they are) would you want to seperate two best friends? i mean they can be in the same classroom and grow up as independent individuals. my suggestion to you is to not seperate them permanatley if you plan on seperating them try to introduce it a bit slowly. twins have a very special bond. i know that they are not always gonna be next to each other but for now lets say that one of them is having trouble with their homework the other one that was in the same classroom as her can help the other girl understand better than the parent or even teacher, by that i mean twins think very much alike so they will explain the problem the way the other twin will understand (and you as the parent or teacher might not have a clue what they are talking about, i know cuz i am a twin) my twin could say something out of the blue like do you know that thing on top of that thing that we saw the other day and i would be like yes of course i remember you mean this and this and that. so what ever your decisions make sure you think it through and make sure it is the best decision for your girls.

Answer 5

Well, I am a twin and we were separated throughout school. We weren't dependant on each other, but we did feel very anxious when we were apart. I'd maybe let them try it for a while, but if the supposedly dependant child's grades begin to fall...I'd put them back together. Socially, they will find their own way as they get older. In a school setting, they may need the stability and familiarity. I don't care what the school says...it IS traumatic to separate twins. HOW traumatic... depends on your girls.

If you can stand back and SEE that one is very dominant...it may be a matter of you consciously taking steps to build up the confidence of the one who is not. Parents of twins tend to choose one, and interact with him/her as if they were first in the birth order. The second born is subconsciously treated as the second born child. If you look at your girls and can say to yourself...'Mary is the more responsible one. She's the outgoing one, while Sarah is more the follower.' you may need to start building Sarah up so that she doesn't feel she needs to basically...follow the leader... that you as parents have subconsciously named.

Does that make any sense?

Answer 6

I think it helps twins to experience their own adventures. If one twin is dependent on the other for her academic needs, it's best to remove that "crutch" and figure out what her areas of improvement are (and let her improve on her own). Parents don't really have a big say-so when it comes to who their children's teacher will be, so it's nice that you've been included in the decision up to this point. I say give it a shot. :)

Answer 7

My twin sister and I were in the same pre-school class but then were in seperate classes after that. At our school we had a class up each end of the room so we would be in the same ROOM but not the same CLASS. It was good to be able to have our individuality and of course there is always lunchtime for your girls to see each other. At first it may be hard but the dependent twin will thank you in the end.

Answer 8

I would separate. Twins are not just twins; they are individuals too. The same with the way we teach our children to be independent of their parents, we need to teach children to be independent w/o the help or siblings or even friends.

Separating them might help them identify who they are as people and not as a set.

Eventually, your 9 year olds will be 19 year olds. They will have to go off to college and then eventually get married. If you don't teach them to be independent w/o each other now......by the time they reach college and beyond they wouldn't be able to adapted.

Separate them.

Answer 9

As a former teacher I have seen this many times. I encourage you to separate the girls.

The dependent one will grow and learn to be her own person. It might be a little hard on her at first, but she will discover ways of coping and succeeding.

The one on whom she is depending will also be able to grow since she will no longer have a shadow. It isn't fair to her to have to be her sister's support.

It's really win-win for both of them.

But it is imperative that you exhibit a positive attitude about it all the time, or it won't be as successful.

Answer 10

My twin grand daughters were in the same kindergarten class but not the rest of the grades. One does become dependent on the other and they really need to do their own work and shine on their own. They are now in the 5th grade and they're both doing great.