People with spouses in military or FD or PD?

Question

How do you deal with it?

I'm completely terrified at the fact that this is how my fiance wants to spend the rest of his life. His father and brother were both officers, and it's something he's always wanted to do since he was little. I don't want to talk him out of it because it's something he's always wanted since he was little. I really want him to be happy....but i'm really scared.

How do you deal with knowing that each phone call while he's away has the potenital to be his last? or that in the mornings while you're getting ready that it could be the last time you seem them?

My parents have come up with the "try not to think about" thing, but I'm finding it's always in the back of my mind.

I just want to be supportive, but I feel like a big baby.

Answer 1

You're not alone. I have been on both sides of the fence with this issue, so I know by far that where you are is the hardest place to be. I was a U.S. Marine many years ago engaging in operation after operation all over the world. My mother used to have fits of worry wondering how her only son would make it back, and thankfully I always did. Then I got out and married a soldier. She got deployed to Atlanta as a military policeman to cover the '96 Olympic games when some jackass decided to plant a pipe bomb. I was watching the coverage on TV when the bomb detonated and I nearly lost my mind! She called home within 30 minutes of the blast, but to date that has been the longest 30 minutes of my life.Your mind wreaks havoc with you as you go over all possible scenarios, each one more horrific than the last. So, I know without any doubt that it's far easier being the one deployed than the one waiting back home. It is a feeling of complete helplessness, but within those parameters there are things you can do. (1) Assemble yourself with like-minded people; many military spouses are enduring the same anxiety that you are and there is often strength to be found in numbers. They'll listen more empathetically and they may have some insights or coping skills to share that will be beneficial to you.(These groups can easily be found through your base liaison.)
(2) Talk to your husband candidly after this deployment is over; you may decide as a couple that continued military service is not for you, and that's perfectly okay too. (I got out after 8 years once my first daughter was born because I could no longer stomach globe-trotting once she was in the world...my priorities changed,and so might his.) (3) Vote; vote for leadership that recognizes the value of human life, so fewer families will have to undergo ordeals such as these. And finally, (4) Never underestimate the power of prayer. Pray for peace; pray for the safe return of all of our forces, and pray often.

Answer 2

You it by taking one day at a time. You do it by treasuring the moments you have together whether they be on a romantic date or getting groceries or tending each other through illnesses. You don't borrow trouble from tomorrow, don't place excess worry that the phone ringing will be "the call" but believe it's his call to tell you he'll be home soon.

It is scary to love someone who every day puts them self in more danger than the "normal" person. But really, everyone could go through life fearing that phone call. No one's life is so safe that accidents can't happen. Most people learn not to dwell on the possibility but live with the belief that everything will be alright. It's harder for us to do that but once you can do it most of the time you also open yourself up to the joy of treasuring every second you do have together.

Answer 3

My husband did four years in the Marines and is almost through with his four years reserves. I know exactly how you feel. But you should have known what you were getting into when you decided to be with him. Its a tough job being a military wife but I think the love and honor that you feel knowing that he is doing something so great really makes it all worth it. You should really look into support groups in your area (if you live on base there will be lots of them) Having someone you can talk to who is going through the same thing is a life saver. Although it is hard, you can't go through life or your marriage wondering if something is going to happen because you will just torture yourself. Keep a positive thought always. Eventually you will get used to military life and I think the scary thoughts will get fewer and fewer. Enjoy being married to this heroic man and cherish all the moments you have with him.

Answer 4

You don't wait for the phone to ring or you will go paranoid, your all ready heading that way.
Find things to do!!! Take care of your kids, do volunteer work, every city needs volunteers, every church needs volunteers, every school needs volunteers.. you don't dwell on 'what ifs' you dwell on your love for him and you keep on keeping on.. and when he is home don't talk about his work.. talk about the future. Whatever he is in military, FD, or PD they got good insurance plans you will be taken care of either way. You need to stop doing that to yourself or you will asking your doctor for anti anxiety drugs!!
Every job has risk, some jobs have no risk and people get hurt anyways. There is no perfectly safe job, this isn't a perfectly safe world that is why you focus on the good, to help others takes you out of that paranoia and you will feel a lot better, believe me!

Answer 5

My boyfriend is a Firefighter that just something you have to deal with only thing you can do is pray for him & let him know that you love him & will be there for him every step of the way.