I cant decide whether to keep my baby?

Question

I have found out that im six weeks pregnant and am not sure what to do. My boyfriend who i have been with for four years doesnt like the idea of starting a family as we havent got a house. We have booked to go travelling in April and was meant to be going for a year.

He says he doesn't think he's ready and he thinks having a baby should be planned. He doesnt want to miss out on doing things in his life.

A big part of me wants to keep the baby and use the tickets for travelling to go on a 3 week holiday before i have the baby. I havent been able to talk to my parents about this, im 21 years old and he's 24. We both have fairly good jobs.

I dont know what to do.........as i dont want to be the one to ruin his life

Answer 1

wow, you have some big decisions to make. I cannot and will not tell you what to do as this is so personal that only you can decide. I will however advise you to find someone you can talk about the options with that is partial....do you have a health unit? or a planned parenthood? someone from there will be able to get you in touch with someone. Whatever you decide, decide for yourself. I fyou allow someone to talk you into doing something you don't wanna do you will regret it for the rest of your life. Don't let anyone tell you that you cannot abort or adopt baby out. None of us are in your shoes so none of us have any right to tell you not to abort or do abort or give up for adoption or keep. Also there will be a lot of people on here that will try to make you feel guilty, DON"T let them, this is your body and this is your baby and no matter what you choose you will be the only one from here affected by it. Both physically, and mentally.

** some of you need to back off, telling her abortion is murder is not right. She didn't ask what you though about abortion or if she shoudl even get 1, in fact nowhere did she even mention abortion. she did not say I;m not sure I want to have my baby....she said KEEP So lay off, she has enough going on without crazy comments about murder and what she SHOULD do this is her life so a little support huh.

Answer 2

I don't know what to tell you, since this is a very personal decisions and you should consider YOUR feelings and the circumstances in YOUR life. Do not let your boyfriend persuade you do anything you don't want to do, as this is something you may end up regretting if you are forced or coerced to do.

Contact Planned Parenthood or any other organizations that you think might be able to advise you. Contrary to popular belief, Planned Parenthood will NOT advise you to get an abortion. They can direct you to the right place.


Now, if I may, I can offer you advice from my perspective. Take it with a grain of salt, of course, since I've never been pregnant.

I myself could never bear to give my child away. I am also 21 years old, and I am old enough to get a job, an apartment, a car, etc. Therefore, I think I would much rather endure some difficulties, and even if my life didn't turn out as I had planned before the baby, I would still have my child.

Now, you have to decide whether YOU want to take care of this baby, and whether YOU think you can do so (hint: I think you can, there are plenty of single mothers out there who raise beautiful children).

Good luck with everything, I wish you the best.

Answer 3

Oh sweetie! I totally understand where you are coming from! My boyfriend and I had planned a getaway to the mountains to do some white-water rafting, hiking, camping, etc. It was going to be our summer vacation. We were also strongly looking at the idea of just dropping everything here and travelling the world for a year together! I was so excited, and we were both prepared to do it in a heartbeat.

Then it hit us out of nowhere, we became pregnant.... finding out only days before our white-water rafting trip was due, needless to say we didn't get to experience that!

I was quite upset and didn't want to let him down either, but at the same time it just wasn't in my heart to abort this miracle (which I believe is - such a tiny chance I could have fallen pregnant - 1.875%!!) I knew I was able to bring this child into the world and care for it - I couldn't justify taking a life away for my selfish reasons. My boyfriend gave me the option to keep or abort, saying he'd support me regardless - and reminded me that these trips I had in mind would have to be put on hold - your life isn't over though, just on hold!

I decided to keep, and it was hard to face the facts that all of our plans would not be happening anymore! But something even more wonderful is now about to take place! We both still want to see the world and try new things and know that once this child comes we will all do things together! It will be a bit more tricky, but hey I've seen friends teach their 2 year olds to ski down mountains! LOL, I couldn't imagine going through life knowing I had the chance at bringing a miracle into this world and denied it..... but then again I have always been a huge fan of children!

Best wishes with your decision.... just remember it doesn't have to be one OR the other, you can find a solution somewhere in between! Sit down, get creative, follow your heart, and don't make any decisions you'll regret later on in life.

Answer 4

Ruin HIS life? Wasn't he present for the conception? Did he use protection? He is just as involved in this as you are, sweetheart.

If you are unsure about what to do, and he is not helping you make this decision, maybe you should consider an open adoption. That way you can still be involved in the child's life, the kid would have a good stable home with two adoptive parents who love it, and you would feel less anxious about giving the baby up

You don't sound mature enough to have this baby on your own if you are worried about HIS life. It will always be about him if that's how you are trying to base your decision now. And the fact that you want to take a holiday instead of using the money to prepare for the baby's arrival is further proof of a lack of maturity. If you really wanted to keep the baby you would be saving that money instead of spending it on yourself.

Go to an adoption agency now, they can make all the arrangements and help you find a good family for the baby. When the baby is born, get good birth control, and make your boyfriend use condoms! Yes, use both methods, then you are both being responsible for not having another baby before you're ready--it's not just up to you. If he doesn't do that, then he only cares about himself, and is leaving the consequences on your shoulders.

But make a decision NOW. I don't mean to sound harsh, but there is a precious child involved here, and you have no right to mess around with its future. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

One thing for sure: You're not ruining his life. You both make the baby, so he also have a part in it. I'd say your life is more likely to be ruined because he can run away anytime and you're pretty much stuck with the child.

Talk to your parents is probably the best shot right now. See if they can do any help (probably his parents would be able to help out too).

I'd say, if your bf said he's not ready just because he "doesn't want to miss out on doing things in his life." he's probably not grown up enough for it - and more likely to leave you if you keep the baby. But here are some questions you have to ponder:
- Are you ready to raise the baby by yourself if you decided to keep it and he bailed out?
- How much support are you going to have from your parents, siblings, friends, etc?
- You know your bf the most - is this his initial reaction? Some men went panic when they find out their gf is pregnant and went sooooo scared on being dad, but once they think it over, they're as excited as the mom.

In the end, it'll come down to you. So good luck!

Answer 6

I think that if your subconscious is saying that you will ruin his life by having this baby then he must mental hold over you somehow and that you bow to his every whim. This is no basis of a relationship

He should have thought about having unprotected sex if he did not want to face the possible consequences of you becoming pregnant. He ought to accept his responsibilities after all it;s not the end of the world but would be the start of new life for both of you. People don't give up on living when they have a baby. And your both still young so you will grow up with your child and yet still young enough to enjoy travelling it just means that somethings will have to be put on hold for a wee while.

I would sit down and talk to him again and tell him that a big part of you wants to have his baby. And would prefer it if he supported you in your decision. Naturally it is a big thing for him to comes to terms with and it maybe that he is frightened that he cannot give you and a child the best start in life.

You could always put your names down on council housing list or alternatively rent a property and even consider buying your own property.

Try and talk to your Mum as she would be horrified to think that you cannot confide in her...shes your best mate remember.

I wish you all the best in making the decision that is right for YOU!

Answer 7

He laid down and made that baby with you, so YOU aren't in any way ruining his life! As far as planning to have a baby, you guys have shot that idea right out the window because you are already pregnant. Looks like it's time for him to grow up and be a father to the baby he helped create. If you both have good jobs, there's no reason you can't take care of this baby...unless you're totally selfish. Good luck.

Wait...have you told him you're pregnant or are you just worrying about this all before you need to? If you haven't, my guess is that if he loves you, he will be supportive.

Answer 8

If you can't face the fire you should have kept those legs shut. Sorry It's harsh, but it's the truth. Your BF is just as big an idiot for letting Johnson go swimming. I can't tell you weather to have the child or not. That is your decision and yours alone now. Even more so since Idiot BF at 24 is showing signs of a 12 year old maturity level. I am a male and not involved with your situation in any way, so I can only give advise here. It's your choice and you will live with the decision the rest of your life one way or the other. I wish you the best of luck in what ever choice you make. I wish the child the best also, but I hope and pray the child does not suffer through future bouts of stupidity from it's parents.

Answer 9

Listen, you aren't going to ruin his life!
If he didn;t want a baby he shouldn't have sex, but it happens and people have to deal with it.
You can't kill this baby, just for the reason of you want to travel!!!
This is a life and means more than travelling. you will be able to travel with a child, they are very adaptable.
If you want to keep the baby then do, if he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is, your baby is the most importnant thing in your life.
You can get a home, and live a great life with a baby.
Please really think and talk this through, as this will be with you for the rest of your life wether having a baby to raise, or the fact you killed a baby to go on holiday.
Up to you!!
Good luck

Answer 10

There is never a "convenient" time to have a baby, so you have to be really sure that you want to take on the responsibility of bringing a human being into the world especially if there is a chance you would have to do it by yourself. Having said that I feel that even pre-born people have rights, so whatever decision you make must be yours, and yours alone and something that you can live with . I would hate to be in your position - my first child was not planned, but I would not be without him now under any circumstances, I love him so much. Good luck on whatever you decide but I hope you please, please keep the baby and to hell with ruining your B/F life - what about the baby's life?