Life after a threesome....we did it..now what???

Question

So it was his number one fantasy,the thing that turns him on the most,he never forced me to,but let me know how much he loves it...always talking about it...i was tired of it and decided to give me what he was craving so much...we did it 2 days ago with my best friend.next morning i had a breakdown..he ensured me he loves only me and forever and that he didnt need it,i initiated it..but i now have the image of him kissing her,touching and f..ing in my had..cant think of anything else...what to do? can u forget something like this? we've been dating for 2 years and his says he wants me to be his wife in the future..also he says he would've not done it if he knew i would react this way..i really love him....can it ever be the same again? i want to hear guy's perspective too.
and can i be comfortable again with him and her in the same room? im not mad at her,but mad at him..she didnt want to di it afraid of hurting me..

Answer 1

Well first you need to not beat yourself up over how you are feeling about this. It seems like you regret it. However it is also unfair to assign blame on your boyfriend over something you initiated despite his constantly bringing it up.

Your BF sounds like he truly cares about you, and didn't want to hurt you. However to be able to move forward in your own head talk with him and her and make it clear that while you are not blaming them you regret what happened and want to be clear that you do not want it to happen again.

Some of what you are experiencing is that for many women sex and emotions are very closely tied together. Which means that you might be unconsciously wondering if he now has feeling beyond a friend for your Best Friend. They can both assure you that that isn't' the case but as far as reassurance, time is the best cure for that as you realize they don't.

Answer 2

Okay, take a deep breath...It could be alot worse. It could have been with someone that left the two of you a "gift that keeps on giving,(like a VD!)". At the very least, I am assuming you had a safe sex experience, so you dont have THAT hurdle to deal with. Next, there is a huge difference between sex and love. People are programmed to crave sex. It feels great, you release endorphins, etc. So the three of you had sex. Big deal. What you should probably start doing is assessing how you felt at the time. Was it something you enjoyed during the activity? Or did you hate the whole experience? This is an important question for all three of you. You were overwhelmed with remorse, but that is normal. It is normally driven by society's percieved norms. We need these things in our life, as a guide, but not as a rigid pole to beat ourselves up with! As far as feeling about the two of them in the same room, you need to discuss with Him your feelings. just because they had sex, really doesnt mean much. As long as they arent emotionally attracted to one another, and you two keep open your lines of communication, you should be fine. Remember, we all do things we regret, but its how we handle the consequences that will enable us to become better from it. And if it was something you really enjoyed at the time, then you need to discuss that, too. Repression of our deepest desires should never be tolerated, when those desires don't harm anyone. If you have a deep, loving relationship, you should chalk this up to exploration, and who better to be exploring with than the one you love. I agree with the first answerer, though, your best friend as a first may have been a less than ideal choice, but it allows you more commentary that way, so again, make the most of it. Hope this helps!!

Answer 3

As far as him and her being in the same room I would not recommend it. If you were to do it again I would recommend going to a Las Vegas Brothel. That way you never have to see the other woman again. Most guys fantasize about a 3 some but this is always a problem.

You can get over this but it will take time. Just explain to him that you need your space to clear your head. He will understand. If you got the cash you may want to talk to a marriage counselor. Even though there is nothing wrong with your marriage they are trained in helping couples deal with tough emotional situations.

I do wish you and your husband well. Also try not to get hurt to much by the comments others are sure to make. Take the bad with the good and what not.

Answer 4

You should have never did that with someone you knew, especially your BEST friend. That was just dumb. No, it won't be the same again. You will be riddled with thoughts of him "kissing her,touching and f..ing" HER. You will torment over whether he like certain aspects better with her. You will pull your hair out wondering if they will go behind your back. You will destroy your relationship with you BF because you will be consumed with jealousy and paranoia. Anytime she is around the both of you the tension will be too much. She was probably waiting for the chance to screw him anyways. Just think, now the both of them are probably thinking about the other. She's YOUR best friend and he's YOUR man, so the both of them are over YOU (as far as the threesome part) and are carefully analyzing their role together. Did they look eachother in the eyes? Did they kiss in the mouth?

OMG. This is just bad, bad, bad.

This is bad. So glad I didn't go through with this with my husband. But, at least it was going to be a stranger.

Yea, you f'ed up royally. Prepare for this to be the beginning of the end. ONLY people who do not experience what you have stated here can engage in threesomes without catastrophic consequences.

Answer 5

These are all things that you should have thought of and worked on before doing anything like this. It is going to be awkward, but at the same time, have you ever been with anybody else that you best friend has also been with? What happened there?

It is a awkward at first, but if you sit down with both of them and talk about it and express your feeling about what happened, it will get better. Right now you are suffering from "buyers remorse." You thought that you wanted it, but later decide that it is not what you wanted or it wasn't as great as you had hoped. Either way it is done and it can't be undone.

If it really bothers you, go get counseling with your b/f and see how it goes from there.

Answer 6

yes as a guy we always think of having a 3way.as some chicks think the same about 2 guys.it does put a big dent in the relationship.you have the things going on in your head over and over.everytime you look at him you'll be wondering if he's thinking of her.and when you guys have sex you'll be wondering if he's thinking about banging her while he's banging you.and for the first coulple of times he probably will be trying to relive the experience.hate to say it but the relationship will prob end soon.as it happens with a lot of couples that have threesomes.I have found that 3 somes are best with strangers neither of you know.and that you prob will never see again

Answer 7

Don't be mad at him, be mad at you. You said yes, You allowed your best friend to be part of this...take responsibility for your own decisions and actions.

I wouldn't include a good friend as a playmate due to what you've experienced. I wouldn't want to risk a friendship, whereas someone I didn't know well wouldn't feel so threatening.

Your boyfriend was an azz for pushing you, but ultimately you are the one who gave in. Can you ever forget? Probably not...however you can choose to put the incident behind you and move forward. Everyone there was there of their own free will, so blame goes on each individual who chose to participate.

Is it worth losing your boyfriend over? Is it worth losing your best friend over? Only you know how valuable those people are to you...

Answer 8

You have to understand that for him it was just sex. There was no emotional attachment at all. He had his fun. Now its over. Its not the last mistake you are going to make.

This seems like the sort of thing that works better when you are a little older and a little more secure in yourself and your relationship. Its not something that seems like a good idea for people just starting out.

But don't beat yourself up. It happened. Its over. Move on.

Answer 9

First, no, there's no way to forget it. There's no way to get over it. This kind of experience is too powerful to ever be put aside.

Second, it is possible to grow past it. It is possible to lay a new foundation of trust on top of the broken relationship and go forward. What has happened will always be there, but if you choose to, you can build back to what you had before.

Answer 10

You can get past this, and you need to. Sounds like this is not for you, and it was a big mistake. If you are going to be mad at someone, be mad at yourself. You did this, even if it was for your boyfriend, it was your choice.

You need to apologize to your best friend for asking her to do that. If you don't, your friendship will most likely never be the same. You also need to let your boyfriend know that under no circumstances do you ever want that to happen again.

Chalk this up to a big lesson learned. And, always follow your gut feeling. I'm sure it told you not to do this.