Need some advice?

Question

My wife and I have had problems with familys for about 20 years, my side I have a mother who is in her 70s we don`t speak I have tried to make peace, but she does not want to know the rest of my family have died, on my wife side they will not speak to her since she got MS 11 years ago her mum, brothers and sister won`t come near us (her dad died a long time ago} we are made to feel it is our fault and we have tried to put things right, do we just ignore them now and get on with our lives as all this hassle is ripping our lives apart please help us if you can thanks

Answer 1

Just move on with your lives and be happy that you have each other. You tried to make your peace . Why would a family not speak to their daughter/sister because she got MS? That is not normal and its not something that she could have prevented.

Just live your life

Answer 2

It sounds like you and your wife have done what you can to try and mend things. All you can do now is let them come to terms and accept your apology, and be there when they do. Some of them may never and if that does happen you can at least know you did all you could to try and make peace. My brother became angry with me over something that I had done, which to this day I still don't know what it is, and he didn't speak to me for over a year. I still ,even though he was rude and gave me the coldest looks at family functions, I would be civil and nice. One when we were all at our moms he came up to me hugged me and told me he had been a jerk for a long time and that he was sorry. I don't know what it was that made him have a change of heart, and I could have easily said forget you, you have been a jerk and I don't accept your apology. I didn't care I let it go and said I forgive you. Through all that time though even though he may have been mean to me I always tried my best to let him know I loved him and was not angry with him, eventually that wall he had came down and he came to terms with whatever it was he had against me. I believe if you and your wife do the same maybe not all but some of your family will come around one day, and just be there waiting for them with open arms.

Answer 3

Why would you want to have anything to do with ignorant people who think that MS is your fault? If you have tried to make peace with your mother, that is the best you can do. If she is in her 70's she doesn't have many years left and she should know better than to be so stubborn. Do you have a minister or priest who could talk to her?
If you have tried to reach these people and they refuse, the best thing to do is live your own lives and make your own family group. It is their loss.

Answer 4

Wow your made to feel like Ms is your fault, a real family wouldn't turn their backs on you like that, Its not your fault or your wife's, its your crappy family's loss , they are the ones that should be trying to put things right and say sorry . You should just get on with your life and enjoy your family as it is now. You have a clear conscience and nothing to feel sorry about. Stuff the rest of them they are very spiteful and uncaring not to be there for you and your wife when you need them. You deserve to be happy.
*hugs* xxx

Answer 5

Hi Hun,

Sorry to hear this ... it is horrible when families fall out and hold the grudge for years.

Have you thought about perhaps writing a letter just to say how sorry you are it has come to this and how life is too short and that you would love them all to be involved in your lives ... a letter may help them fully understand how you feel as although talking face to face can help, too many emotions come out and the blame gets passed around again.

A letter is just to state how this is making you feel ... it is NOT about passing blame on anyone.

If you send a lovely letter perhaps with some recent photographs of you all, it may stir them into thinking they been wrong to branch away from you.

If you don't hear anything from them after this then at least you can say that you tried and sadly, will have to move on with your lives.

I do hope it will be sorted! Sorry to jhear about your wife's MS but I glad she has a lovely husband in you, who willing to win her family back for her.

Lx

Answer 6

Both your familys are extremely selfish!
you have a child and love it no matter what, MS or not!
if your family arent bothered for making peace then just leave it for a while, maybe they will realise they are missing out on a child, and they dont know how long they have left to spend with you..
good luck! x

OR you could go on jeremy kyle / trisha

Answer 7

Well u cant just get rid of ur family members ones n for all coz their r ur blood relations,wat u can do is try at least to be in contact with them on phone or if u meet them anywhere just greet them, no matter they ignore u or hate u,u have to give ur best n always expect less.

Answer 8

The only thing you can do is love your wife and you two have a very happy life together, what your's and her family wants to do is thier problem, dont let thier petty crap come between the love you have for each other

Answer 9

just keep doing good things for them........ sometimes it needs alot of effort to be noticed..... just make it your goal in life to be in good terms with them...... you cannot run from it, it will only get worst.

pray with all your heart and reveal your good intentions.... it will be payed back at the right time.
never loose hope....... because if you stopped you can never find true peace in your heart....... being away from them may solve a short term problem..... but in the end you still have to face it....... !

you can never sleep at night in peace if you run away from a problem...... it's better to be patient now though it may seem like it will never end..... and then harvest the fruits of your sacrifices and patience at the right time.

better try to look at your side first.... if there's something wrong on your side too..... then you can find a better solution.... because sometimes we always see the problem but we never pay attention to person handling the problem, which is ourselves.

time to learn knew approaches...... for better results.

Answer 10

I think you should ignore them and get on with your lives becuase yall put forth the effort to make things right. Theres nothing else you can do, now it is up to your family members to change.