friends put me down for being virgin at my age....?

Question

I like hanging out w/ my female friends. they make me laugh and I met them in college. I'm in my late 20's and I am virgin, all of them are not and single. I'm not overly religious but I am somewhat and I do beleive in God -- main reason is, I have not found right man yet, I am trying to wait for marriage, I want it to be special for us (if that doesn't sound silly) anyway, they all put me down when in the group they make me feel bad by saying how great their sex life is, how good man's penis is, say I am missing out, etc. i feel i can't contribute to conversation sometime. they also get alot of dates b/c I think males can tell they are not sleazy but not virgins.... i feel left out. and they say "have sex" then i can understand. also one tells me that no man will marry virgin at this age group b/c it will freak them out and they will not want the pressure. what to do? I feel bad about this, but I'm not going to become a sl*tbag to fit in. serious answer only...thank you.

* I never said non-virgins are slu*ts -- try reading comprehension.

Answer 1

Tell them to get over it. They made a decision to have sex and you made a decision not to. You don't put them down for their decision, so they should extend the same courtesy to you. If they're not going to get over it, you might want to start looking for better friends. Ones that actually support you and don't make you feel bad about something so fundamental to your personality and being.

And it's bulldust about men not wanting to marry a virgin. If he loves you and wants to be with you, he'll marry you, even if you are or are not a virgin.

Answer 2

A huge congratulations and an even bigger hug for sticking to your beliefs. You are a rare jewel! If anything, I think you're comfortable with your sexuality because you're taking it at your own pace. You are a great example to people out there, and such is not limited to giving such value to your virginity (I mean, I think it's unfair to think of people who have already had sex before "the right one" horrible or anything - they made their choice, and I choose to respect that) but also keeping your integrity. I think you're a confident kind of beauty - you don't feel pressured into having sex.
And when your friends put you down for keeping such, please think again: love yourself and find people who will respect you and your decisions.
"also one tells me that no man will marry virgin at this age group b/c it will freak them out and they will not want the pressure." - No, sorry, I think that's a BIG LIE they tell to themselves especially if they themselves are no longer virgins because you lose something along the way aside from your virginity when you do lose your virginity. It's really a case-to-case basis. So I guess my point is, they aren't being a very good friend.
You have so much integrity in you and I hope you nurture that. You're bigger than what they say, and, far more important than what they think about you.
I hope you will have a fulfilling life.
Best!

Answer 3

Hey, You have something that a good man will always cherish and be special to him when you marry, your virginity. That is the one and only gift that is truly a gift. To waite for the right man at the right time takes someone special, and I give you a big S A L U T E for it. Those other girls are jealous, and can never have the kind of man you will oneday, and they now it. Don't let them get you down, you think they laugh at you now, give in to them and they'll really laugh at you then. Oh, by the way, my cousin is a 32 yr. old man, and he is still a virgin and waiting on marriage, he has been dating this girl for 4-5 years tho. Marriage very close his mom thinks.

Answer 4

It must have been meant for me to read this. To me, any friend that would put you down for not being promiscous is not a true friend at all. Sex adds all kinds of issues to a relationship & life. Most people don't realize if we would all just wait it would make life a whole lot easier. They should respect the fact that you have those type of values & even encourage them.

And although it may be hard to find... there are men who are in there upper 20's - 30's & are virgins as well. (I actually just stopped dating one) He is 32 & is very cute. And although I am not a virgin anymore there are times that I wish I still was. Especially being that I just got out of a relationship w/someone who is. I actually think things would have worked out between us better. Not to get into my problems but I believe he felt like since I had experience before; he needed to be able to satisfy me sexually. I am also 32 & at a point where I am not so interested in that now. I have been used for that & would like to find someone who is more interesting in me than feeling like they need to satisfy me sexually. And even though I tried to get him to understand that, he didn't seem to get it.

I may have gotten a bit off track but hold onto your values. It is well worth it. And even men who are virgins can be horny little toads too so just be careful. When it is meant to happen you will know.

Answer 5

This is a simple one... A good man will be thrilled with your decision thus far. Your friends to speak the truth, sex is great; but what is better is when you do find the right person (and by right I mean, the one who you will marry and spend the rest of your lives together), sex will be even better. Think about it this way, if you find the right guy and he's been with tons of girls, I think it takes some of the "rightness" away. You'll find someone with similar beliefs and then you'll see how special sex can really be.

Answer 6

Your friends are not really your friends is they are so callous about your feelings. To be fair, your desire to stay virgin for the right man may seem to them like a prissy condemnation of their more promiscuous ways, and they are simply retaliating to a perceived attack.
Or, they are assuming that you have some psychological block/fear/aversion to sex, and they are trying to assure you that it is indeed a normal, healthy, and positive experience.
Their assumptions are misguided, but not necessarily malicious. Assure them that you aren't knocking their decisions; this is simply the path that you feel is right for YOU.

Your friends are simply speaking from their own experience of a limited group of men. True, the types of guys they date are probably sexually active like themselves, and would probably not be interested in a virgin. However, these guys are not ALL guys; there are plenty of quality guys who, like you, view virginity as a valid and normal choice, not a stigma, shortcoming, or challenge to be conquered.

Talk with your friends and let them know that their comments distress you; remind them that this is choice you've made for yourself and you hope they can respect and support you, even if your choices are different from theirs. If they are really your friends, they will support you; if they don't, perhaps you need to find more sympathetic friends and alter your relationship with these girls to a more casual level.

p.s. I have a couple close female friends who just turned 30 with their virginity intact (although they have explored in other areas); also, I know a very nice, normal guy who is past thirty and never been kissed. So there are all kinds of people in the world.

Answer 7

Maybe you shouldn't hang around them anymore. It is your body and you do what you want with it. I know exactly how you feel though. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20 (I'm 24 now) and it was with someone I really cared about. We were together 3 years and broke up and I haven't been with anyone since and its going on 2 years since then now. It is so much better when it is actually with someone you care about. It is hard not doing the mainstream and it can get kinda lonely. I'm like that now I don't drink I don't smoke but alot of my friends do and I tend to not go where they go cause I don't want to get caught up in that. Never change yourself for anyone else. They are probably just jealous of you. If you like hanging with them you should let them know you don't like them bringing that up when you are around. If they continue to do it maybe distance yourself and find some friends who aren't totally engulfed in their sex lives. Good Luck girl! I know how you feel you aren't alone!! :)
P.S.-Don't do anything anybody else feels you should do cause they won't always be there you are the one that has to live with YOU not them.

Answer 8

Look your 20's are when your supposed to be out there meeting people to see what you do and dont like. I would say if you dont do it your gonna look back when your 60 and married to the one penis you've had and have major regrets. Also if your trying to find a guy that is gonna marry before sex then you better get more religious cause i know i wouldnt marry a girl that was a virgin just because i think she needs to have sexual experiences to really know herself.

Answer 9

first, there is nothing wrong to be still a virgin at your age. if it is your decision then they cannot do anything about that. you are just thinking for your own good. i don't want to say this but i think they are not true friends because as far as i know if you really care for your friends, you will accept them no matter what or who they are. i still believe that there are still some guys out there who doesn't care even if your still a virgin or not. don't be pressured of what your friends are telling you, don't do something that you don't really like and possibly you will regret in the end.

i just want to say, i admire you for thinking that way (marriage before sex) girls like you are very rare nowadays. stick with want you want.

smile and stay happy ok!

Answer 10

I admire you. I'm 29 years old and #1 wish that I had waited and #2 had your guts to hold out and still continue to be friends with these people.

I'm sure you've heard this before but here goes... People only make fun of others to make themselves feel better. It is obvious to me that your friends are jealous. They only wish they could be as strong as you. They only wish that people looked up to them.

Don't let them bring you down!!! Please!!!! Maybe it would be worth a shot to branch out and find a few other friends that don't care so much about your sex life.

Good luck!!

P.S. I know you said you're not overly religious but...God certainly has a reward for you in heaven :)