Okay - I don't have children, but hopefully one day I will have lots! I just ask this question to find out what you all think about this topic. I know there are some very strong opinions about this but please be respectful. I honestly don't know where I stand yet. I have a good career (social worker), but it is so very stressful and sometimes I think it would be nice to get out of it when I have children. But if I did, my husband's salary (Baptist preacher) wouldn't be near enough to live on. Plus, I wonder what some of our congregation and conservative friends will think if I want to work after I have children. What do you do and why?
2007-10-02 06:07:17 · 22 answers · asked by Wendy 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Wendy,
I admire that you are already considering your options on this subject. I have read all of the responses thus far and have to say I agree with a good bit of what I am hearing....I've learned along the way that when you pray for your answers and are willing to listen to the answers that will come you cannot go wrong. You will probably know when the time comes. It's amazing how something as tiny as a newborn baby can change everything that you once may have thought was so important.
I have been a stay at home mom myself and it has it's ups and downs as working would have (I've also worked and I liked the extra money ) but I can tell you from my experience that the victories are sweeter on the homefront for me. I don't think I would find utimate fulfillment at a career as I do at home. Afterall, we are raising the next generation of leaders in this nation and I personally want to know that I am raising my children, not a day care. Just remember you are the only one that can be their mother, no one else could ever take that place, it's yours for a lifetime!! I heard this a long time ago and it made sense to me, "These children are all ultimately God's children that he has loaned us for a little while to raise and then we must let them go and fulfill their missions in this life"
I just can't help but feel so strongly that they need us home with them but that doesn't mean that we cannot make some extra money from home. This is what I've done, I work from home part time but still have the benefits of being home for them.
Believe me, I am not trying to preach but I cannot help that I do feel so strongly about this because unfortunately, with my firstborn son, I missed his first words and some other firsts and I cried about it because you can't ever get those moments that pass back, ever!!
I will say that you do have to do what's best in your situation though because I agree with the people who mentioned that it's not for all mothers, some mothers would feel trapped and not feel good about themselves or maybe wouldn't have enough money coming into the household so sometimes you have to work. Especially if you were a single mother or father, etc.
God makes a way where there is no way and I have found that God has always provided for us.
We have never gone hungry, we have always had a good home, with all provisions in order. However, we don't have some of the extras that some people can't live without so there are sacrifices to be made but in life there are sacrifices to be made, no matter what direction you go, sacrifices in working as well.
If you find that you must work then I hope and pray that you will find someone that is going to do their very best, I was so blessed that my son was in the hands of a stay at home wife, and she and her husband wanted children so badly but she wasn't able to have any of her own yet and she treated my son as her own, she loved and nurtured him and I at least had peace of mind that he was well cared for so if it came down to that I think that I wouldn't back down from finding the best available, sometimes it's the grandparents which has it's own rewards for building a lasting bond that is beautiful.
God designed us with the innate ability to use our instincts and our loving nature to guide our decisions. Get in touch with that through quiet time and prayer because opinions and views are so expansive and could lead you astray so easily so follow your own heart. It's sweet that it's ultimately your decision, between God, you and your husband, nobody else's to be made.
I'm only one mother but all the riches of the world to me don't replace the love that you have for your children to me the most important job of all is so overlooked at times but to me it's the "role" of being called as a mother and father to your children, don't ever underestimate the importance of it in whatever you choose.
I hope I didn't come across too strong but I prayed about what I would write and feel that I've expressed what I was lead to express.
God bless you.
Linda
2007-10-02 09:29:40 · answer #1 · answered by Linda S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were childish and immature to marry someone without first discussing children and child rearing. Being a stay-at-home mom or not is something that should have been discussed LONG before you married and had kids. It is wonderful that you have a family there supporting you financially. What happens if that goes away? You need to worry about YOUR family and providing for YOUR family now and in the future. An education would do that. Going to school part time would give you the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom AND prepare for the time when your child starts school. For example, and this is simply an example, you could go to school part time and study to become a nurse. By the time your daughter starts school, you could have your degree and have a skill to earn some extra money. I know plenty of nurses that only pick up one or 2 shifts per week or every couple of weeks. Or you could work part-time. But your ability to find a decent job without an education and without skills is almost impossible. And it is selfish to think that you should not contribute to the home once your daughter starts school.
2016-04-07 00:28:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a good situation, where I managed to stay with my company and transition from full-time in the office to part-time telecommute (plus a Saturday in office). I don't know if social work is an 8-5 job or if you could do flex hours, but that's always an option.
I am glad I am able to stay at home with my kids (and that my husband stays on Saturdays while I work - it's a role reversal that I think works well and let's us get in each other's shoes one day a week). I KNOW what type of care is being provided for my kids. Additionally, I am not likely to miss "the moments", like first steps, first words, etc... Additionally, my oldest had (and has since outgrown) a speech delay - this involved hearing/speech screenings and then therapy for a short while - if I was working fulltime this would have been difficult to manage.
BUT I am very happy I am still telecommuting PT - able to keep my feet in the workforce; keep up my skills. I also contribute to the family income which is a nice feeling (but mothering kids all the time is a huge family contribution too!), and I get a little adult interaction through my work. I like my work, but I don't LOVE my work (definitely not more than my kids) and for that reason I stay home. But again, I really lucked out with my work situation.
2007-10-02 08:23:42 · answer #3 · answered by TNEmily 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom was a stay at home mom until my little sister and I were in full-day school, then she went back to work part time (at our school! lol) She had a fantastic career (and salary!) before she made the choice to become a stay at home mom, but she doesn't' regret a thing.
I am also a stay at home mom with two boys under two! I used to work as a medic on an ambulance, not the greatest salary...but quite a job! When our oldest was born, it was very important to me that either my husband or myself would be able to stay home full time. I have just always hated the idea of day care (maybe because I have worked in a couple day cares??) Anyway, we had to make some financial cut backs to afford our new lifestyle, but it has definitely been worth it!
I will probably go back to work once our children are all in elementary school, I couldn't really imagine myself staying home full time without the kids! lol
2007-10-02 06:36:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in Glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19
Each family has to come to their own conclusion but I would encourage you if at all possible stay home with them. There are even cottage industry things that you can do from home to bring in a little extra money.
I believe the best thing for children is to have their mom home with them. Before people overreact - I also understand that it is not always possible.
I would encourage anyone to examine the motive for working. If it is because you want to live to "keep up with the Jones'" or to have an extra car or a house at the lake - then the sacrifice is not worth it.
Childhood is fleeting and it breaks my heart when I hear moms talk about missing out on first words, first steps, and so many other firsts.
Not to mention that with the high cost of child care many "jobs" salaries don't really balance out with the expense of working.
Whatever choice you make is between you, your husband and the Lord you serve - not you, your husband, the congregation, and friends (conservative and otherwise).
The Bible says that the "Fear of man brings a snare." Proverbs 29:25 It's never wise to make a decision based on fear of what someone other than God may think.
I pray He blesses you with many happy and healthy children and wisdom to know the road to take!
2007-10-02 06:33:53 · answer #5 · answered by giraffegal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need decide for yourself if you want to be a stay at home mom or not. Don't let the congregation influence you. It is none of there business. I have been in ministry for 30 years and too often the people try and run the pastor and his wives's life and you can't let them. You need to love them but make them keep a respectful distance from your family life or it will destroy you or at least wear you down.
As for the benefits of staying home: It is of course better for your kids for you to raise them yourself, if you have the personality for it. Not every women is made for it though. If you are going to find yourself frustrated and unfulfilled by staying at home then you should continue to work. Some, however, find their fulfillment by raising their kids all themselves. That is something the two of you will have to decide. It may be trial and error too. You may try it and find it is the best thing you can do. On the other hand you may try and find that for you it is best to work.
Either way you go you need to make sure you and your husband make plenty of personal time for one another even after having children. All too often young well meaning christian couple want to dedicate themselves totally to their children, which is wonderful. But if you don't make regular times to get away alone together your relationship will suffer and that will not do your kids any good. It is best that you have a once a week date night where you get a sitter and preferably if you can let your parents sit and keep them over night then you can go home from your date to an empty house and make it a really great date night. It is also best in pastoring that you and your husband get away for 2-3 nights at least once every 3-4 months. Your church should help make this possible. I have an ebook on ministerial ethics where I deal with this in talking to the leaders on how they need to treat their pastor and his wife. ( don't mean to make this a commercial, lol) but it would be good for your husband and all his leaders if not the entire congregation to read. It is on www.minisrtymaker.com
God bless!
2007-10-02 06:28:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's your & your husband's decision. No matter what you do, you will have people giving you their opinions. I am a working mother, so I make sure that the time I spend with my son is quality time. I considered being a stay at home mom, but kept working because I had to financially. You could also work part time instead of full time. My son has a great time at the babysitter's and gets to interact with other kids-which is think is good for him. He hasn't cried once yet when I leave him there, which is a big help.
2007-10-02 06:14:33 · answer #7 · answered by kathsps 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I are starting our family and due to our financial situation, I will be a stay at home Mom for the next few years. Plus he also agreed it would be better that way as well. What you do is your choice. It is up to you and your hubby. You could try to do the stay at home Mom thing for a while and if it doesn't work out maybe go back to work? My baby is four days overdue and I know that when he comes I'll want to spend as much time with him as possible.
2007-10-02 07:06:48 · answer #8 · answered by Miley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to wait and see. If one day you have a child and find you can't bear the thought of leaving her in someone else's care all day, stay home. If you find that you will go out of your mind if you have to go one more day playing with the plastic trucks and reading "goodnight moon" for the thousandth time, go back to work. Let your friends think what they want (you'll probably feel criticized by someone whatever choice you make).
My only strong opinion is that kids should have high-quality care all the time. If you can't find that near you, someone (you or your husband) should stay home. If you can find a great nanny or daycare, then choose what works for you and your family. I can vouch that for me, staying home has been fulfilling and wonderful. Plenty of people can vouch for the same if they are in fulfilling jobs and they have high-quality care for their kids. Wait until you have kids, then do what feels right for you.
2007-10-02 06:19:52 · answer #9 · answered by ... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am a stay at home mom, because financially it is better for us as a family, my husband brings in enough money for us to get by comfortably (we have 2 girls five and 15 months, and a boy who'll be here within two weeks,hopefully)
the cost of daycare would pretty much eat up my pay check so we decided i would stay home until the kids are all of school age.
being a stay at home mom is situational in my opnion, for some it works, for others it doesn't, there is no reason to think a mother is "more" or "less" of a mother because she chooses to stay home or go to work. it is whatever works for that family.
2007-10-02 06:12:47 · answer #10 · answered by Kitterkat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋