My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year to the day. We've officially been together since November. My plan is to give her a promise ring on our anniversary. I have every intention of marrying her when the time is right. She still has some college ahead of her, so I don't want to complicate her getting her degree by getting her preoccupied with wedding planning.
Her parents seem to like me just fine. I know her mom really likes me a lot, her dad... doesn't hate me, he's just really quiet around me. I'm thinking it's that his daughter is his only child, and he's not too happy at the thought of her one day being gone from home. One of the unfortunate things is that he holds his courtship with his wife against us at times (they were together for 7 years before getting married, but they started dating at 15, she was almost 19, I was 22. ) I'm wondering if it would be better for me to talk to them about it first or not, and if so, what to say to them. Thanks!
2007-10-02 06:04:44 · 19 answers · asked by Matt B 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The reason for wanting to give it to her is that we've talked about how we want to be married one day. One thing she's been concrete on is that she didn't want to be engaged before she turned 20... I'd be a month early on an engagement ring. I'm thinking it might be about another year before we'll be in some kind of shape to be engaged. It's not really a question of "do we really want to be married to each other," it's just that I don't have the means to buy an engagement ring, and I want her dad to be more sold on the idea of us actually being married before I propose.
My thinking is that they would be okay with it, especially if I can talk to them both at once, but I don't know if it's better to not say anything about it, or if they'd be more upset if I went ahead and gave her that ring without saying anything to them.
2007-10-02 06:19:54 · update #1
I wouldn't. If you really want to, just tell them you bought it, but you do not need permission for a promise ring.
2007-10-02 06:09:41 · answer #1 · answered by cubswin03 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't... my boyfriend gave me one for our one year anniversary too, we are in the same situation, and almost the same age as you guys are. (we both have some college left too, and plan to get engaged a little while after he is settled and finished with school--- which will be in like 4 years) We have been together three and a half years, and we love each other so much.
Promise rings are not stupid, mine means so much to me, and when I get worried, I just look down and think 'he wouldn't have put this ring on my finger if it's not how he felt.' And we have a while until we are engaged, so to me it's a sign that I know what will happen and that he loves me so much.
Anyways, if I were you, I wouldn't ask her parents. It's a promise ring, not an engagement ring. When that time is right for the two of you and you want to get her an engagement ring, then ask her parents, but not for this. As for the 7 year vs. 1 year thing, everyone is different, but if you know that it's true love, then that is all that matters. Good Luck!! =)
2007-10-02 06:24:12 · answer #2 · answered by 570Chicky 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A promise ring is really not very significant. It's NOT an engagement ring. IMHO, it's a silly ring that HS kids give each other so they can pretend to be engaged. It's nothing to involve parents with.
I do, however like your sentiment, and your clear thinking as far as not quite being ready to get into planning a wedding.
If you really want to get engaged, get engaged. But TALK to your GF about WHEN you want to start the wedding planning. For example, you could discuss waiting 18 months before setting a date... or after you both complete college and get settled in decent careers...
2007-10-02 07:02:22 · answer #3 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is a proper gesture to ask your girlfriends father to give her a promise ring especially if she is his one and only daughter. The intentions of the promise ring must be stated clearly as to what it means in order to avoid any confusion or misleading intentions. Good communication and expressing respect to each others parents is the key in long and ever lasting relationship. Don't listen to the don'ts, this will take you both no where.
2016-01-31 13:35:15 · answer #4 · answered by A Family 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a parent and this is just my opinion. I would not be upset if you gave my child a promise ring and didnt ask. After all a promise ring in my opinion is that you just promise to be faithful to her. Now on the other hand if you gave her an engagement ring I would not be upset if you didnt ask either. I mean after all how many men ask get told NO and then ask the girl anyway? If you want to rack up brownie points(if you need them) then ask but the decisions your making as an adult are between the two of you, you shouldnt need permission from her family.
2016-05-19 06:19:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are talking about something along the lines of asking for her hand, but with the wedding to be at some very distant and uncertain future date? I think what you need here is old fashioned custom of asking parents permission to COURT their daughter, permission to try to persuade her to accept you as a serious suitor for her hand.
Assure her parents that you care deeply for their daughter and that your intentions are honorable. Tell them the facts, that you know neither one of you is ready for marriage yet, but you can't imagine life without their daughter and that you intend to do your best to someday deserve her. Give them some facts about your future prospects, about how you plan to make a living that will support a future family, about how you are saving money for the future, how much you have so far, how much you expect to have saved in 2 or 3 years, and how this money is disbursed (savings account, IRA, CDs, etc.) If they receive all (or most of) this positively, then ask if you may give their daughter a friendship ring as a token of your serious intentions.
Don't mention 'anniversaries' and so on. To old married folks the notion of a 'going steady anniversary' is childish and they will consider it an indication of immaturity on both your parts. That you and your girl realize it's a special day is enough, don't expect her parent to feel the same way about it.
You are smart man to know it's never too soon to start building a good relationship with the people who will someday be your in-laws. Best wishes!
2007-10-02 06:26:01 · answer #6 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give A Promise
2016-12-15 03:45:47 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it would be very appropriate and respectful to ask the parent's permission. I don't think many people do this now days, and I think the father's still appreciate the gesture. I think their respect for you will grow by leaps and bounds if you ask their permission. I think they will admire you for being mature enough to know you want to make a formal commitment to her, and when you explain your reasons to them for not proposing, it really shows you are putting their daughter's best interests at heart. You sound like a very mature young man, and it is great that you are allowing her to finish school, and save up for a proper engagement ring, while at the same time making a public commitment to her. Best wishes!
2007-10-03 10:55:09 · answer #8 · answered by LoveWithNoBoundaries 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't ask. You only really need to ask for her hand in marriage and that's it. A promise ring is supposed to be between you and her. The reason for asking her parents when you buy her the "engagement ring" is to let them know that you will be joining the two families and asking him if it is okay.
Trust me she will tell her parents but it is not as big of a deal as an engagement ring. It's a token of love between you and her not the family.
2007-10-02 06:18:27 · answer #9 · answered by Bubblelips 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a double edged sword, you can't exactly ask him for permission and then giver her a promise ring after he tells you he'll never approve. If he brings up the courtship length I'd be willing to bet he'd say no too.
The general advice, if it's a more traditional family and you'd be expected to ask prior to engagement, ask prior to the promise ring.
2007-10-02 06:45:39 · answer #10 · answered by Manny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's really quite honorable of you.
I'd invite Dad out for some manly activity - maybe out for a beer etc.
Tell him of your plans - both personally and professionally - What your career goals are - and about wanting to wait until you are both out of college and settled into careers before getting married -
Tell him about the ring - that you want to give it to her on your 1year anniversary to show her how much you care for her and want to be with her for the rest of your lives. But again, keeping in mind that the two of you have to be more settled before tying the knot.
That may not be 7 years before getting married - but it's at least a few years - certainly not the "rush into things" kind of situation.
That may not make him your long-lost-bosom buddy - but at least you're not springing something on him.
2007-10-02 06:27:39 · answer #11 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋