Why am i The only one that seems to care about the wedding?

Question

Its stressful, i feel like i am the only person that seems to nag about it and i feel guilty i know theres 6 months left but i should have a few things done and i dont i waiting around for my mil to get addresses after ive asked 3 times, my mother for addresses and she hasnt my bridesmaids wont pick out dresses :(


i dont want to nag!!!

As much as I want to agree with everyones opinions My Mother IN law sits around in the house all day watching Lifetime and that is no joke. And so does the maid of honor (fiancees/husbands sister)

My other sisters do have lives yes, but after me asking as well it is getting a little annoying.

AND I am picking up the check for everything. So i dont see that as a big deal for them paying when they arnt.

and i have picked a day for the dresses which was supposed to be today and it was blown off.

so now it sucks :(

Answer 1

that's actually what wedding planners are for.. if you dont want one seek help from your bridesmaids or family

Answer 2

I'm getting married in 5 months, here are a few tips:

1. You're letting your bridesmaids pick their own dresses? Mistake number one. If you want stuff done, you gotta do it yourself. It's getting too close. You pick a dress and if they disagree, well, they had their chance and procrastinated for too long.

2. Do you have phone numbers to the people you don't have addresses for? If you do, call them. If not, obsessively call your MIL until she gives them up. Do the same to your own mother. I know it sounds a little psycho, but you have to take some initiative and get other people on the ball.

3. You aren't being a nag!!! It's your wedding!

If you want to talk any further about it, feel free to email me. Even if it's just to vent and de-stress. I'm in the same boat as you, and I understand how you feel!!!

Answer 3

I feel your pain or at least I did!! I set a time line for every one. I would of never have got any thing done if I waited for some one else to do it!

Tell your ladies it can take up to 4 months to get there dress order back then they might need alterations which can take up to a month as well. So they need to pick a dress by the end of the month or you will. I also am having a prob with the girls, I am going to pick out the ugliest dress I can find and the one I like and give them a choice between the two ( I am not going to tell them I dislike the other dress) Then the feel as though they picked the dress and it easier on both of you!!

As for mom, set a day to sit down with her and get her list, I had to do this with my FML. Other wise I would of never got a list! Do lunch and say you want to talk about wedding plans make sure she up to date with all the details. To make it sound more fun then Nagging. Make a time line though and say "hey we have to have this done by xxx to make sure we have it in time"! Then your not nagging but making sure you get thing in time so ther is no rush or last min details to worry about!

Best wishes and good luck in planning!!

Answer 4

Try actually setting up a meeting with each mother, seperatly just because it would be easier. Tell them you'll bring the pen and pad and they can bring all of the address books. Then it could be you two talking about who's coming and such while getting the names/addresses down.

The bridesmaids, set aside a couple weekends to go dress shopping. It could be the whole group going out and trying on dresses just for the fun of it, but also with the intention of finding ones for them. Another option would be for you to start looking through, pick the dress they want and tell them the maker, style name/number and color.

Asking isn't working so you'll have to sit down with them, or just set yourself to asking once a week if they've been able to get to the list.

Answer 5

CWesley2, sounds like the others just aren't as excited about your special day as you are. Perhaps they are busy with things in their lives and aren't realizing how quickly time in running out. Six months does sound like a long time but when you are preparing for a marriage it just friggin flies by. Why not attempt to talk civially with these people and let them know of you fears and hopefully they will supply you with these addresses. As for your bridesmaids perhaps they are more worried about Christmas coming then going out and spending money on a dress on your wedding. After the New Year I bet that everyone starts to get more in the mood and appearing more excited. But don't continually nag or you may have to get new bridesmaids and you will alienanate your future mother in law and your own mom also. Best of luck.

Answer 6

Then don't nag, put it down once and for all. Call your mil and say, "Hi, Mil I just wanted to let you know I need those addresses by (insert date here). I am mailing invites on (insert date)
That way she sees you are serious and that she had a final due date. If she doesn't get you the addresses, too bad for her and those guests she neglected. If you can get addresses for any of these guests on your own, do so, but if it comes down to absolutely needing her help and she doesn't deliver leave them out. It's not your fault.
Pick the dress for the brides maids, call them up and give them the same chance. "Hey betty I need you to pick a dress by (insert date) so we can get things settled with the dresses, if they shop doesn't have your choice by (insert time) I've told them to default to dress A (or whatever dress u chose)
Don't nag, just put it on the table cut and dried. People don't like it when you take the choice from them so they hopefully will fall in line. Be carefull not to threaten either, just say it all matter of factly like you would say. "It's going to rain today."

Answer 7

1) If they don't care enough to help you make arrangements cut them out of the wedding party. This includes mother-in-laws, etc.

2) Pick out three dresses and e-mail them to these lazy gals or send them pictures and tell them to get measured and pick their top two of the 3 in the next month. You'll decide which one they will all wear. Fittings require 3-4 months with a seamstress unless they don't care how they look. Also remember weddings don't need to have bridesmaids or flowergirls.

3) Tell your future husband to talk to his mother about who to invite. If he doesn't have their addresses, then they also don't need to be invited. If you don't have your relatives addresses or phone numbers- also don't invite them.

4) Give the maid of honor and Bestman their to-do lists to help keep things on track. If these people can't help you, you may consider doing a very different kind of wedding.

5) Tell people why things have to be done on this time line. Like you only need 3 months notice for relatives to come to the wedding. Placing an engagement announcement in the paper and having a few bridal/wedding showers tends to clue people in.

6) If your in-laws don't care about you, talk to your future husband about the kinds of weddings they have or expect, etc. Maybe you need to start over with a new plan.

7) If your future husband doesn't get involved with some things- like inviting guests, picking out food, then maybe the marriage needs to wait.

Answer 8

YOU are getting married YOU are having a life changing event. Nobody else.

Everybody else has jobs, other friends etc. It's a harsh truth but the day after your wedding their lives are going to go right back to normal so of course they don't want to spend hours agonizing over if you should have strapless or halter, or if it should be white roses or red, do I wear my hair up or down? THEY DON'T CARE!

As far as the addresses just gently remind them the invites have to go out very soon and you need time to address them. If they don't get them, then do your own homework and call up the people to get the addresses. If you can't call the people well....I wouldn't be inviting them anyway.

Same thing with bridesmaids. Ladies, we have to get the dresses ordered by X date for alterations. If you havn't picked out your own by then I will be taking a trip to the bridal shop on X date to pick out dresses on my own.

Answer 9

If you don't want to nag - then don't.

Look. You're putting WAY too much into this. Personally, I'd stuff all that whining and nagging and temper tantrum stuff you swallowed hook-line-and-sinker about "my big special day...." and elope - or maybe a tiny, tiny wedding with just your respective parents and the Justice of the Peace. Save yourself a pile of money - and hours of nagging.


BUT if you're hell bent to have the "BIG SPECIAL DAY Then you're right, it's important that things get done in a timely fashion.

SOOOOO - host a tea at your home for all the important parties - MIL, Mom, Bridesmaids etc. Give everyone a calendar with all the deadlines highlighted on them - and their own specific duties highlighted in a different color - with absolute drop-deadlines outlined in RED.

For example, if you need to confirm head count with the caterer say, 4 weeks in advance, then you have to have invitees respond no later than 6 weeks in advance - which of course means your guest list has to be set in concrete and marble on XYZ date. Any names submitted after that drop-deadline simply cannot be considered.

Same thing for bridesmaid dresses - etc. etc.

And this is the absolute last time the bridesmaids can bow out. Don't hate them - they just can't adhere to your schedule that's all - which is fine - no hard feelings. Believe me - fewer bridesmaids means less money out of your pocket etc.

Finally, DO NOT SWEAT the hen party or showers. No No No. That's for others to decide.

Answer 10

Here's what you do. Hire a planner to help you! If you can't afford it, ask a neutral friend to help you. Then, have her call your mother and mother in law to be and tell them that you have chosen invites & she will be sending them out for you on ________(date). Hope they will have their lists ready by then. She will be by that day to pick them up!

Then, go and pick out b'maids' dresses & be done with it! If you are paying, they don't really need a say-so on them anyway. Especially if you have already given them a chance. Pick them, put down deposits. Have your new planner call each girl and tell her the info on the shop & when to have her measurements turned in by. Have her warn them that if they don't do it by that date, they will not have a dress & will not be in the wedding.

You need someone forceful to be the bad guy for you, b/c obviously these folks are not taking you seriously on these deadlines, etc. Let them get mad at her, so what?

I am the bad guy all the time for my brides! Believe me, it works great!

Answer 11

awwww im sorry you are having trouble getting addresses you should see if your future husband has his grandmother or aunts phone number and see if you can get the address from so you dont have to deal with the mil this is what i did his aunt sent me and email with everything!! Also my bridesmaids are pains too i think you just need to threaten them with an ugly dress to get them to show up i sent them all an email with a link that said i love this dress so much im going to davidsbridal on sat blank date blank time if you want to come try it on or look for something else they all showed up!!! Obviously they picked out another dress!!