She has always been a very negative person. In one instant, we (my sister and I) could be her reason to live and the other the reason for her misery. But now, we are the reason for all her unhapiness. Every time I see her, she tells me she spent 1 year in therapy because of us. She also mentionned that she didn't want us to have kids because raising children was the worst experience of her life and she wanted the results of her relationship with my father to die with us. It is difficult to take because by sister just had a baby and I am in fertility treatment (a thing I haven't told her). Our childhood was difficult. She seemed to be living in her dreams. She would wash the dishes when there was mold on it and do the laundry when there was no clean clothes. Meals were usually canned food or fast food. She said several time that her therapist told her to stop seeing us because we made her unhappy. I know it is not easy raising teenagers but I feel her reation is too extreme.
2007-10-02 05:12:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you should look for her to seek real mental treatment. she could've been lying about going to therapy cause i'm sure no doctor would just say "hey dont see your children cause they make you unhappy".
A real doctor would've given alternatives like family therapy, or prescribe her some type of medication.
I'm thinking she's bipolar, as you said "In one instant, we (my sister and I) could be her reason to live and the other the reason for her misery". The changed seems drastic and quick.
And maybe now as it went untreated it has just became into a case of deep depression.
Look for her to get some help and if she refuses, you'd just have to deal with it and try to convince her to get help (maybe ask other family members to help), but if its getting just too hard to handle, you'd might want to just avoid her. I'm sure stressing over this isn't helping the fertility treatment you are in.
2007-10-02 05:24:29 · answer #1 · answered by empyre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you are both adults and out of the home. She has a lot of problems, none of which were caused by you or your sister. She is not able to face that she made all the decisions in her life and that is why she is unhappy - things didn't go well because she made poor choices. It's too hard for her to accept that it is her that caused her problems, not you, your sister, or anyone else.
When she speaks this way to you (negatively) remove yourself from her presence or hang up the phone. The abuse will stop when you put an end to it. Don't have to be rude or yell, just walk away or hang up. She'll either catch on and quit it, or you'll have few interactions with her. There's no point in exposing your children to her so they can also hear that all her troubles are their fault. I'm surprise you and your sister have any self-esteem at all.
Stand up for yourself and hang tough.
2007-10-02 05:58:39 · answer #2 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you. I have a friend whose mother always berates her in front of me and who is always telling her that she wished she would have never had kids... My friend simply decided she does not want to have a relationship with her mother anymore. She does not deserve that and neither do you.
On the other hand, my own mother was just simply neglectful of us. She never really held us or talked to us. I always felt like we were an inconvenience to her. There's all types of mothers... We just happen to have the bad kind!
I became a mom six years ago. I know how starved I was for love and attention from my mom and I made a decision that my children would know what a real mother is. Motherhood really is tough. I can understand being frustrated with your children. But that doesn't give anyone the right to make them feel bad or unwanted. I wanted my children. I love them and tell them so all the time.
I pray that you and your sister can have a good happy life without your mother. If you choose to still have her be a part of you life you need to have a heart to heart with her and let her know she's not allowed to say that to you anymore. Don't let her put you down. Stand up for yourself.
Best wishes!!
2007-10-02 05:29:39 · answer #3 · answered by Mel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of the reason we are here is to gain knowledge. You can see that in child development. Our bodies naturally "put off" developing most things, like being able to reproduce, for a much longer portion of our lives than any other creature on this earth. During this time, we do a large amount of learning. We always need to learn and we do, even if we are not trying to. You make a mistake in life, you try to avoid it again. Our search for knowledge can create unhappiness for us but that is just another way for us to learn. I recently went through the second greatest failure of my life so far and I learned way more from the experiences than I ever could have suspected. I was the most depressed I had ever been and I was learning extremely well what not to do. I have hope now that I can correct my failure and I know that I would not trade the experience for almost anything. Knowledge can give us the greatest joy and sorrow. Through both, we are able to learn better how we are to live. We are able to find happiness in this life and be able to fully appreciate it.
2016-05-19 05:13:25 · answer #4 · answered by malinda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I grew up the same way. I stayed away from my family for 15 years. Most of us kids did the same. I have a sister who is 53 now that I haven't seen since highschool. Can't tell you if it was the right thing to do though. My mother is still very negative even though she's in a nursing home now.
I believe I would have suicided long ago if I hadn't left, though.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Perhaps a compromise. Write letters and send pictures, but no phone or in person contacts?
2007-10-02 05:20:39 · answer #5 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your sister need to give her some tough love and avoid her for now. You should tell her what you said here and if she doesn't get the point just walk away and avoid her for a while. Don't completely cut her out of your life, but just keep some distance until things are better.
2007-10-02 05:30:52 · answer #6 · answered by Air Guitar Goddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how awful....she sounds like a terrible person, and yes, her reaction is very extreme...I wouldn't blame you or your sister if you never saw her again...she doesn't deserve to be a mother, or a grandmother....she went to the wrong therapist....she needed years of therapy, not just 1 year....tell her to go do what makes her happy, and have a nice life alone.....hug to you and your sister......
2007-10-02 05:23:45 · answer #7 · answered by nemofish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, i feel bad for you and your sister, she sounds like she is horrible to you two. I think you need to live you life the best way you know how, and that may be without your mother. I hope you find what you're looking for, best of luck.
2007-10-02 05:32:34 · answer #8 · answered by DANNY D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is crazy in the head and needs therapy. she is acting in a way that is selfabsorbed and harmful to you and your sister. not to mention insulting and cruel. leave her be. you can be there for her if she really needs it but you protect yourself first. oh and don't leave her alone with the grandchildren.
2007-10-02 06:05:29 · answer #9 · answered by darkling 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her to kiss your a-s
2007-10-02 05:18:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋