Shall I dump him?

Question

Been seeing someone for a while, not that long really. I got to know him through my firend (it's her brother) and he is 23. I am 35 will 3 older children. We went on some really nice dates but after the last one he bombarded me with texts teliing me he loved me etc etc. It all seems a bit quick and I could understand if I had known him for ages before dating but I didn't. He is acting really clingy and calling all day when I am at college even though my phone is off. He says he wouldn't know what to do without me and things that I might only say after seeing someone for a long time. He calls every evening now before I go to bed even if I have seen him in the evening. We end up on the phone for ages and I can't get away. This is doing my head in and I'm tired for college in the morning. I tried telling him but he went a bit funny with me for a bit then it's gone back to this. I seriously cannot deal with this in a long term relationship, it's a bit like having another kid! What do I do?

Answer 1

Yes, for now, dump him.
From your description, he seems clingy, co-dependant, obsessed and has no sense of healthy space between people. He needs waaaaaaaaaaaay too much... and that indicates to me that he is so not ready to be wih ANYONE until he learns to be his OWN best friend and to live a happy life with OR without someone.

If you're feeling like it's "like having another kid.", GET OUT!!!! FAST!!!! :-) Seriously. You want an equal partner, not another child to raise, yes?

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

I think you need to express to him how you feel and what is acceptable and not acceptable. Every relationship whether it's just a friendship or not should have boundaries and it seems as if he has already crossed those which is not cool especially for someone you just began to date. If he really likes you the way he says he do then he will respect your wishes or what you want. If he does not then you might want to think twice about whether you two shall date. After all you don't want to be with someone who is all about themselves.

Also you don't want to have problems with this guy if you are friends with his sister, because it may possibly affect the between you and his sister. Just do some thinking and ask yourself a few questions and see what answers you come up with. Sometimes that's the best way to make a decision along with a little feedback from others. Hope that all works out for the best.

Answer 3

You already know you don't want this guy, so dump him...tell him how you feel and that you don't want to hurt him but you have kids you need to take care of and that you also have to go to college, he's only 23 and eventhough he might be interesting he's already telling you a bunch of things you only tell someone after a very long time. Dump him...
Don't wait too long. I waited too long, now I'm pregnant and all that stuff. How much do you know about this guy anyway?
He's only 23...there's a big age difference and he is not mature enough. Does he have kids? can he relate to you in anything? does he go to college like you do? does he work?Busy people don't have time to do what he's doing.

Answer 4

You have soooo answered your own question! It's like you just used the healing forum here in writing it down for us to read and share with you. While some might tell you to shake your head sideways and run in the opposite direction, I am going to advocate for just stepping back so you can get your bearings.

You are under quite a lot of pressure right now from the whole thing, and no one thinks clearly under those circumstances. There is absolutely nothing wrong (especially due to the newness of this friendship) with just slowing everything down. So, no more frantic. You have had enough frantic to hold you for awhile. Slow everything down. Only you can make the decision to stay with this person or quietly step back.

You may already have a kind of intuitive feeling about it, but for right now, just step back in a kind way to let everything and everyone cool off a little. Nobody lilkes to be pushed like you have descibed, especially a woman. Especially YOU.

Answer 5

Perhaps you could have a talk with him and explain how is behaviour is making you feel. He's young and sounds a touch insecure but seems totally into you. A little bit of reassurance goes a long way. If you're not that into him then i suppose the kindest thing would be to be honest with him and let him down gently. It will hurt him but in time he'll get over it and he'll appreciate your honesty x

Answer 6

That's exactly it!! You are having another kid!!! The guy is 23 years old an probably sees as some kind of mother replacement. If you're honest you know for yourself that this is not really going anywhere and better end it before it gets to far and you neglect your college or your kids.

Answer 7

The thing is, YOU need someone matureER, more understanding . He should know that you are in college and should go to bed soon for the next day.

Answer 8

I think you know what to do and are just having trouble commiting to it. Deep down, you know this isn't working and should end it. But, you're afraid of being alone or hurting his feelings or something else. Do the hard thing-end the relationship.

Answer 9

communicate over with him approximately it, and what you meant by "going sluggish". consistent with danger it improve genuine right into a pretend consequence. If he in spite of the undeniable fact that acts somewhat chilly and distant there may well be some element else occurring. At that factor, it somewhat in all fairness smart to re-study your relationship, in spite of everything, actually intimacy is a key factor

Answer 10

You've tried talking to him and it hasnt worked. It sounds like hes a bit immature. Just let him down gently and move on with your life. Good luck.