My 15 year old daughter just came to live with me. She was living with her father from age 10 to 15.
She routinely throws a tantrum for waking up in the morning. She asks me to wake her up at a certain time. I set an alarm for her and then consistently try to wake her up. She does not wake up.
She then gets up late and does not eat breakfast or throws a fit at the breakfast table and makes a mess. She constantly says that she will fail her exams. I help her study, but she needs more help according to her.
She finally gets to school late and cries during her shower and before that refuses to even get up and take a shower.
I have to beg her to get up and get ready for school. She says that she hates living with me and the school.
She makes my clothes messy and the place that we live - spilling cereal everywhere.....
I don't know how to handle her. When I leave her alone to study, she watches TV or talks on the phone.
I try to help her and get her up...
2007-10-02 04:54:57 · 27 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Maybe you aren't responsible for this behavior since her father reared her for the past five years, but you are responsible for letting it continue.
Sit her down and spell out the new rules for her and then stick to them:
1 - YOU (she) will set her own alarm and be responsible for getting herself up and to school on time.
2 - If she misses the bus and has to walk, she'll soon get her fanny out of bed in time to catch the bus--which may include taking her shower the night before. Whatever it takes.
3 - If she gets a detention for being late, then let her serve it and walk home.
4 - Do NOT continue waking this spoiled rotten brat up as you are only enabling her to continue her bad behavior. Read up on "Tough Love." Google it.
5 - Whatever mess she makes, she cleans up. Don't you do it for her.
6 - This is exactly, word for word, what I would say to her when she tells me she doesn't like it here (it's what my Daddy said to me when I was pulling that BS): "Don't let the door hit you in the *** on your way out. As long as I'm paying the bills you will do what I say do or you can find yourself another place to live."
I know this sounds terrible and you probably want her to live with you in a desperate sort of way. But you simply cannot allow this child to continue doing these things if you expect her to grow up to be a responsible adult. You aren't doing her any favors.
As I said, you need to learn about tough love. It's hard, but it works.
Good luck!
2007-10-02 05:54:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know, if you hadn't put her age in the first paragraph, I would have thought she was my 7 year old.
She is pushing her boundaries and seeing how disciplined you supposedly are going to be. Don't carry her. You need to show some tough love.
Be strong. There is a reason she came to live with you. She needs something from you obviously or she would still be with her dad.
the sleeping in sounds like pretty much any other teenager.
Maybe one day you should just leave her in bed, call her bluff... she misses school... oh well, go to work. She has to know that you will not brow-beat her into getting out of bed.
Draw a line in the sand and make a point. Once you win that one, work on the messy clothes and cereal.. then talk about greasy hair and nasty body smells and pimples and how being clean is very cool thing to be.
She probably doesn't know how to respect what you are providing for her because you have just 'given' it to her.
Be the parent, tough love.
2007-10-02 05:06:00 · answer #2 · answered by SuzyM 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As for the motivating her to study, why not offer her cash as a reward if she gets a good grade on each exam - £30 for an A, £20 for a B & £10 for a C or something like that.
She probably doesn't want to study or care about her exams right now simply because of her age.
Have you asked her if she is happy at school? Sounds like she is missing her old life/house/school etc & you need to be understanding & compassionate about that. Speak to her father about it all too - has she always been that way?
Otherwise, she is a teenager, & to a certain extent your going to have to ge used to the tantrums!
2007-10-02 05:01:37 · answer #3 · answered by Meeeee! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you are trying to be her best friend. You are helping her too much. She is working you like a violin. You are in a codependent relationship with your daughter. Well, guess what? Who cares if she hates living with you? You are the parent and she is going to do what you say,when you say it. You need to set some boundaries. If you set an alarm for her, and she can't wake up, then I guess that's her problem, isn't it. She needs to clean up after herself. She needs to get her homework done.
This has gone on long enough. If you let this continue, then you are going to have some major problems (as if you don't already). Try this. Tell her that if she gets up early, you will take her to Starbucks for a tall soy mocha with extra whip. Or whatever. How cool will she be walking into school with a Starbucks cup? Anyway, be consistent. Kick her little butt (not literally).
It's difficult having a teenager. I send many happy thoughts your way.
Remember. It's not your job to make her like you. It's your job to make sure that she grows into a responsible adult. If the only way to accomplish that goal is to have her hate your guts, then so be it.
2007-10-02 05:04:47 · answer #4 · answered by Yup Yup Yuppers 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sound slike you are trying to get along with her more than being a parent. Who cares if she hates you right now? Once you both get on the same page about how things ARE going to run in your home it will be fine. She has went through a lot of changes I am assuming. Try to be understanding of the situation but also stand up and let her know who calls the shots. It is nothing short of absolutely ridiculous that a 15 year old is acting this way, and I assure you many agree. Stand your ground because if you don;t this will only get worse.
2007-10-02 05:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by Candace C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may sound weird but maybe you could put the TV and phone in your room so that she has to ask you if she can go in there.
Maybe there is something more going on here. I don't know what's going on in her life or yours, but maybe she has some emotional problems. The new living arrangement may be difficult for her to adjust to. You should try talking to her. Try to be as understanding as possible. Don't be condescending or accusing or anything, and make sure you pick a time when she is calm. If it is somethng serious, maybe you can even take her to a counsellor. Hope things work out for you guys.
2007-10-02 05:06:55 · answer #6 · answered by Air Guitar Goddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK...well that's not normal and it sounds like she has some emotional problems cause that sounds like something a 5 year old would do she is to old for that sort of behavior. i know dads get a bad rap a lot and i know there a lot of wonderful fathers but it may be that while living with her dad she was in complete control. and that type of behavior won out with him because that kinda thing doesn't just start all of a sudden its gradual. honestly i think she may need therapy...because she is way to close to adulthood to be acting that way. help your child before she's an adult and there is nothing you or anyone can do about it
2007-10-02 05:10:46 · answer #7 · answered by deux 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a spoiled little brat. But, it could be that because she's been allowed to get away with that behavior for so long, it's perfectly acceptable to her.
She's 15, so it's time for an afternoon or evening talk to set new rules. Then the next morning, the new rules begin.
2007-10-02 04:58:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep being persistent in your actions. Sounds like she got what she wanted and how she wanted things done at dad's house..She is pushing all buttons and rebelling towards you, and it is working mom :]
Just show her and tell her you love her, and the hugs even half hugs will get through to her eventually...
Your rules, need to be and keep being enforced, as hard as it is on you, you must insist on taking the stand...It is hard, but she will continue if you do not do so.
2007-10-02 05:02:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop begging her. Set the alarm and leave the rest to her. I would busy myself in the other room and avoid her contact. Let her face the consequences for being late.
2007-10-02 04:58:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋