From the very get-to, my boyfriend and I talked about wanting to finally find "the one", and said that we were sick of breaking up with people, just to find someone else and repeat the same process. Well, last month after a Wedding, he asked me what I would say if a year from now, we were happy, and everyting was good, if he asked me to marry him. It told him that I wasn't sure.. ask me in a year. Anyways, the other day he told me that he wasn't sure now if he ever wants to get married because of the bad marriage between his parents (his dad was abusive) and from what he hears from the guys at work that are married.. I then told him that we have a problem then, because I am not up to wasteing my time, and that I don't understand why we even bother being together. After that he told me that he "might change his mind later, though". I broke up with the last boyfriend because he just wanted to play house. Am I just gonna end up reliving the same heartache with this one?
2007-10-02 04:11:18 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He was covering up his emotions. You told him "ask me in a year." That was not the response he was expecting. So, now he's playing it cool with his emotions and now you are questioning whether you want to be with him or not. Talk about this.
2007-10-02 04:16:11 · answer #1 · answered by CC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, you're saying that you started out being pretty upfront about what you wanted from each other. That much is good. Then he hints at marriage, and you throw some cold water on it. After that, he started wondering how honest you were being when you talked about marriage initially, and expresses some doubts about marriage due to a bad upbringing. This makes you question how honest he was with you, and now you are thinking of dumping him.
To be honest with you, if I had come into a relationship making it clear I was looking for marriage, and the woman said "I'm not sure, ask me in a year" I'd be the one wondering whether or not I was wasting my time, and thinking of cutting you loose. Maybe neither of you is really as ready to get married as you think.
2007-10-02 11:52:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why cannot people just be happy? does that damn piece of paper really mean that much, or you just want a ring to flaunt?
I have been with the same woman for over 14 years now, and we are not married.. sure in the beginning she wanted marriage , ring, dress, the whole deal, now she has seen through her sister's eyes that it isn't what she thought it would be and just let go of the idea. We are not playing house ,We are struggling to make up for the issues that have been avoided in the past with our start as a couple. but as for marriage , we are just content on being together. sure the sex went downhill and the arguments break out, but deep down we know we love each other and our kids.
All marriage is to us , is another way to get tax breaks or benefits that you will end up paying for in the long haul..
Food for thought , please chew slowly
2007-10-02 11:19:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's just scared he may turn out like his father, no matter how hard he tries not to. It may be something you want to consider before you commit as well.
My mother was abusive, and I told myself I'd never be like her, and hated the way she acted, but I found myself showing traits of her behavior... and that was after I was married. It took a long time to get out of it.
Just think of things this way, he is probably just scared, and the guys at work never talk about the good times because once something bad happens (even someting as simple as her not letting him go golfing) suddenly, their marriage is nothing but bad... but it's just because they're mad at their wives.
How a marriage is going to turn out doesn't depend on other people, it only depends on you two. If he starts showing huge signs of never wanting to get married, then yes, back away.
But here's the thing, you're his gf, you can help him through those feelings he's having and you could turn out to have a wonderful relationship. It sounds like he just needs a little help to gain self-confidence that he can fight whatever urges he ever gets to become his father... on the other hand, think seriously about this, he could turn out to be his father if he allows it, and then you'd be in a marriage with an abuser.
Take some time to think it over. I hope it all works out for the both of you.
2007-10-02 11:21:26 · answer #4 · answered by monkeylips23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick with him if you love him... My fiance' said he did not want to get married either. We have been together 3 years. We are getting married next year. It is really a personal opinion, but do what you think is best. It is usually the right thing anyways.
2007-10-02 11:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by lovepink317537 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh sweety are u my twin lol. same thing is happening to me well almost. well i dont see it like I'm wasting my time u never know that the way he is thinking now but if he really loves u and want to married u nothing will affect him even if his parents marriage didnt work.just wait and see what happen.take care
2007-10-02 11:18:16 · answer #6 · answered by evita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey take your time. don't rush him or you will run him away.thats a big huge step to take marriage. it's over rated. no one profits from marriage but the preachers and lawyers. rethink this thing. u shouldnt marry until your ready to die.
2007-10-02 11:24:19 · answer #7 · answered by spoodleroo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, the handwriting's on the wall...as my dad would say. he's already TOLD you that he's not interested in marriage...best bet is to move on before you become even more emotionally attached.
2007-10-02 11:21:25 · answer #8 · answered by napqueen 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sorry to say YES* believe when the right guy comes along you will both know*
2007-10-02 11:17:31 · answer #9 · answered by Penny Mae 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋