Mom concerns about adult son not communicating! but what do I do? BTY Im disabled!?

Question

And I do get along as best as i can with my ex! cuase im disabled and need financial with kids!
just dont understand Y the 20 year old son is ignoring us like this! maybe it is the past about his dad!
I think I will keep my son in my life and keep communication with him! Get a friend to drive me to my sons college!
But I think that my sons over bought cell phone that his dad bought for him is too much dont you think?
Im going to talk to his dad and suggest that he buy our son a lower end of the market cell phone or shut off his cell! since he wont talk to any of his family members on it!
And the car my ex traded the newer one in for an older one! I was somewhat glad that he got a less fancier one! but it isnt as safe!
And yes there are issues here!
My ex is trying to make up for time when he didnt treat his son right
when he was little....
that is why I left my ex...why we are divoriced...it is sad...
and now my son is away at college...,many years of therapy....
what to do?

Answer 1

Unfortinutally it sounds like your son doesn't know how to respect his elders. an frankly it's wrong. but just be sure to tell him that you'll be there for him no matter what and that when he's ready to talk to you, and treat you like a person, you'll be there. Don't get me wrong it's good to be there for your kids. And trying to make it up is better than nothing at all. Try talking to your son and your ex and expressing how you feel. If they have any love or respect for you they'll listen. What ever you do, don't break contact with your son just bc of his actions or anyone elses for that matter. Because you never know what will happen in life so don't pass up the opurtinutiy. Take advantage of every moment.

Answer 2

I may be wrong but it sounds like you're saying your son was abused. It may have been his father who did the abusing but your son possibly has trouble accepting that his mother didn't protect him better. These are things that run deep.

This is a very tragic story for you, your son and maybe your ex. I wouldn't focus so much on the material things. Try to understand that your son is wounded. He has to live his own life. He may need to not talk to you just to grow beyond the pain of his past.

I wouldn't go overboard trying to be near him. You might make it worse if you show up at his college. It's better to wait until he's ready. Of course you should seek advice from competent friends and professsionals on such decisions. Get involved in a church or simply start attending. Seek the guidance of God.

At some point your son is on his own. You need to give him over to God. As for the past, work on yourself. Search long and hard to find your regrets. Pray for opportunities to make amends to your son and/or express your regrets.

Other than that I'd say send cards on birthdays and other special days. Remind him that you love him and wherever appropriate, and as often as you can say "I'm sorry". My guess is the two phrases that should always be in your cards are "I'm sorry" and "I love you".

Focus less on yourself and your needs in this relationship and seek only what's best for your son. As hard as it might be on you, he could be better off in the long run if he gets this separation. It may be part of his healing process. You do want what's best for him, right?

My prayers go out to you and your family.

Answer 3

Continue with your therapy and focus on why you think you have any control over other adults lives and what they do with them. None of this is your business.