saturday i went to look at dresses for my friends wedding and her cousin is in the bridal party. we were told to bring the shoes we are going to wear (she already told us she wants us to wear silver heels) and her cousin showed up wearing 5 inch silver shoes with a chrome mirror heel and that lace up to halfway up her calf...they resemble exotic dancing shoes and are not wedding approppriate. my friend told her she couldnt wear them and the girl threw a fit saying that the bride is just jealous of her looks and basically said that she was NOT going to tone down her "sexiness" (her words not mine) just to appease the bride..it would be one thing if she had a long dress but the bridesmaids dresses are knee length so she wont look classy...my friend wants to disinvite her completely but her mom said family is obligated and she has to come..she isnt the MOH so it wont be a huge issue to uninvite her..what would u do?
2007-10-02 02:39:29 · 30 answers · asked by jennybean7985 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
since i am the MOH should i try to talk to her and explain how close she is to being booted outta the bridal party AND not being allowed to come to the wedding at all? i dont think its really my place to say anything but they are family and i know my friend will regret her not being there plus it will cause alot of tension since they are fairly close...need advice please!!!
2007-10-02 02:40:36 · update #1
the cousin is very stubborn and immature..she is very spiteful and def the type of person who would be like ok i wont wear the shoes that lace up then show up wearing 7 inch clear heels that light up when u take a step or sumthin ridiculous just to piss people off and have the last say in it...good suggestion with giving guidlines tho i like the 1-2 inch heel limit one...this was my friends way of not being bridezilla and letting people pick their own shoes..guess that backfired haha good job guys great advice so far!!
2007-10-02 03:45:47 · update #2
OMG. It's not about being "sexy". She is being TRAMPY. No, no no no.... no way would I allow those shoes.
My hubby's cousin did a reading at our wedding. She wore a short skirt with spiky thigh high black boots... in a Catholic Church wedding with a full mass.
But that was nothing compared to what you describe.
If you want to try to do this in a very non-confrontational way, there are a few things you could try. Offer to go with her to go shoe shopping. If she is short on money and you can afford it, go ahead and offer to buy the shoes for her. (Not that you should... it's just going the extra mile).
Tell her her "sexy" shoes will be AWESOME for the bachelorette party. (Even if you really don't think they are awesome at all)
If there is a Priest or Minister invoved, just tell her that the Priest would probably have a heart attack to see her in those sexy shoes.
Or remind her how much her feet will hurt.
Whatever you say to her... try to make it sound like you are (somewhat) on her side and looking out for her. Remind her that the bridesmaids are there to support the bride and make things less stressful for her, not to stress her out. If she's single, you could suggest that she wear them for HER wedding.
All in all, it is a sticky situation. You might want to try to stay away from mentioning anything about being kicked out or anything along those lines. That should come from the bride and may place you in a bad position.
It's less obvious if you perhaps call her up and say something like...
"Suzie, I think your shoes are AWESOME! I think you should definitely wear them to the Bachelorette party. But I don't know if they would go over well in a church setting... besides, your feet will be KILLING you before we even get to dinner. How about if we go shoe shopping together? I think I saw a few styles at DSW that would look great with our dresses for the ceremony."
If she is not very cooperative, maybe suggest she "could" wear them for the reception. At least by then, the formal pictures are over and she doesn't look like a tramp during the sacred part of the wedding.
Good luck on whatever you and the bride decide. And I wouldn't allow those shoes anywhere NEAR my wedding!
2007-10-02 03:06:03 · answer #1 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
This is the bride's day, not the cousin's. So I think the bride should tell the girl- either you wear up to a 2 inch heel which is tasteful for the wedding- with my apporval first, or I'm sorry, but you will have to step down. I would seriously do this to any of my bridesmaids who were out of line. Luckily, I chose some pretty good girls to be up there with me. I allowed them to choose their own shoes along as they are black strappy.... so I understand the bride trying to be nice, but there's a limit, and the cousin has went past it. So I'm saying the bride has every right to tell her cousin to step down if she won't get some better shoes. I know she doesn't want to look like a bridezilla- I'm in the same boat, but sometimes you have to be a little mean if she just won't listen to you guys. You as MOH can try to help ease the situation a little, if you do talk to her let her know she is pretty close to being kicked out, see what she says- it might not do too much because I think the bride will really have to do it to get it through to her. But you should also tell the bride not to listen to her Mom about this one. I know family is family- but this cousin is not being very nice to the bride, so someone has to get firm with her. And chances are, she'll want the attention being a bridesmaid, so hopefully she'll shape up and get some better shoes for the wedding. Just make sure the bride let's her know she wants to see them asap and not on the wedding day.
ugh, ppl are nuts! It's an honor to be up there with your friends/family on their special day... why would anyone want to ruin it for them? I understand sometimes brides have crazy requirements, but this one wasn't at all.
Good luck!
2007-10-02 04:13:19 · answer #2 · answered by m930 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way to deal with this is to make sure the bride isn't thrust into the role of final arbiter and Supreme Dictatress. Questions of dress are settled NOT by bridal decree, but by consensus among the bridesmaids and bride. That way it is the entire group telling her that her shoes are "over the top" and "being the heavy" isn't all put on the bride. I'd have a meeting of bridesmaids and bride and, by consensus, set certain general guidlines. For instance "shoe heels must be 1-2.5 inches" and "shoes will not extend above ankle bracelet height." You might want to set some standards for stocking and undergarments as well, if this lady is determined to bring a "Frederick's of Hollywood" look to the event. After a concensus has been reached on the guidelines, and they are in writing, bridesmaids have a choice of signing that they agree to follow the guidelines OR resigning their position.
At this meeting you should also discuss what tasks and expenses the bride expects attendants to take on, and get that in writing too. You don't want to lay out $500 for a dress you don't like and then be surprised to learn that you expected to chip in $200 toward a hen party, to host a shower at your expense, to spend an entire Saturday assembling centerpieces and favors, and so on. Again, this is to give bridesmaids an opportunity to consider what is expected of them and then either accept or decline the honor on that basis.
2007-10-02 03:09:35 · answer #3 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Being part of the bridal party should be an honor to stand up with your closest friends.
I think the cousin is way out of line.
You should not say anything to the cousin. I think the bride should tell her she is no longer a BM if she doesn't have any "class" but still let her come to the wedding (because she is family). And the rest would be up to the cousin if she wants to still be a guest after the bride kicks her out of the wedding party. Then she can dress in her tasteless ways and everyone can see for themselves how inappropriate she is.
2007-10-02 02:56:57 · answer #4 · answered by sugar sweet 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's upto the bride. It's her (and the grooms) wedding and they decide on what is and what is not appropriate.
If other people don't like it then too bad or don't come.
If she is talking that way then it sounds like she'd be better off not at the wedding anyway as she'll probably cause more bother.
Say what you like but at the end of the day it's down to the bride and it doesn't look like this person would take advice anyway.
She is obviously seriously lacking in common sense because anyone with it knows not to wear something like that to a wedding (unless it is purposely non-traditional or has a porn star theme or something lol)
2007-10-02 02:56:51 · answer #5 · answered by bruce 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is an issue that you should address with another person (another bridesmaid who feels the same way). Approach the situation delicately. Like you said, she has waited a LONG time to get married and she wants her wedding to be special. How long ago did you find out about these costs? $265.00 + tax, shoes, bridal shower, hair and nails is a bit expensive, but from her perspective, this is a once in a lifetime event and cost is probably not a concern of hers. Weddings are just expensive events. Bridesmaids typically pay for their own dresses & shoes. I let mine pay for theirs themselves though. And they certainly didn't have to pay 6 months ahead of time. One of my bridesmaids couldn't afford her dress, but she was my maid of honor and had been my friend for a good 9 or 10 years, so we bought it for her. You don't have to go all-out for her bridal shower. Buy a cake, make some appetizers, go to a party outlet store for decorations and supplies, etc. You can do it at someone's house. There is no rule that says it has to be at a $$$$$ restaurant.
2016-05-19 00:51:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you not say anything at all -- not to the bride, and not to the cousin. From the sound of it, talking to the cousin will not do any good, and if you get involved, the tension will only get worse.
Although it seems monumental right now, in 20, 30 years, your friend, the bride, will have more important things to worry about than what her cousin wore to her wedding. And, hopefully, looking back, this entire experience will give her a chuckle.
2007-10-02 04:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by tracy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the bride to choose a model of shoes (not just the color) for everyone in the bridal party to wear so feelings will be hurt.
If she refuses to wear the shoes that everyone else will be wearing, then she should be booted out of the wedding party. She's inmature, selfish and she's trouble. Family or not, she doesn't need to pole dance at the church.
Good luck
2007-10-02 03:02:26 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Act as the liaison between the bride and bride. Remind the bridesmaid that its the bride's day, not hers, so she shouldn't be trying to outdo the bride. If that doesn't help, then rather than disinvite her, just not make her a bridesmaid. As a regular guest, she can wear whatever she wants. Then remind her that if those shoes are more important to her than her cousin (the bride)'s happiness, then so be it. What goes around, comes around. Be prepared to take some heat, but better you than the bride. Be a good friend.
2007-10-02 02:51:54 · answer #9 · answered by ZombieExpert 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The cousin needs to get her act together, clearly. She needs to understand that it's the BRIDE'S wedding, and that the BRIDE sets the rules. It needs to be made clear to her that if she doesn't want to dress the way the BRIDE wants, then someone can certainly be found to take her place. As maid of honor, you may be exactly the person needed to convey this; you're not a family member, so the cousin can be as pissed at you as she wants without "officially" being mad at a family member, but the message can be conveyed loud and clear. Running interference for the bride at times like this is part of the job of the maid of honor!!!
2007-10-02 02:50:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋