Can adoptees please answer this? I'm 5 months pregnant, and want to give the baby up for adoption?

Question

What kind of parents did you guys have, like were they good to you? See, I really don't want to keep the baby, it's not like I'm scared, but I just don't want to be a mom, ever, but I want to do the right thing and make sure that people will love the baby and look after it all right.
What kind of parents should I look out for? Do you think they should be old, young, etc? I know these are my decisions, but I was just wondering on people's input.
Also, it you are looking to adopt a baby, can you please reply also and say why you want to adopt a baby?
Thank you.

Answer 1

Adoptee here - You are the person your baby has chosen, and the only one the baby won't ever have to "learn" to love or bond to. Upon birth your baby will know you.

Before planning an adoption, at least give your baby the honor or being born to you, held and parented by you for a few weeks before you make any decesions.

It is impossible to describe the changes that happen to us, as mothers during birth and the initial bonding with baby...anyone you chose will never be as good as you - at least in your baby's opinion. It doesn't matter how educated, rich, well traveled, fun or loving the strangers picked to raise your baby are, no one will compare to you. Without you a void will form in your child, a sadness and longing that may never get filled.

If you knew you weren't made to be a mom, I believe the kindest thing to do is not bring a baby into the world. I WISH my mom could have had a safe legal abortion. Life without you will be miserable for your baby.

Answer 2

Of course they were good! My parents wanted a child and could not have one, being able to adopt was a dream come true for them. It can be difficult to be a child and know you're adopted, because sometimes the child feels 'unwanted' because they were given up. Sometimes it can be scary, because the child may worry that their (adoptive) parents may want to give him up too if he misbehaves, or on the flip side, they worry that their (birth) parents may come and try to take them away. So there are anxieties to being an adopted child, but I would say they are irrational fears (all kids have irrational fears!). I know some non-adoptees who say they used to worry/think they were adopted at some point in their life!


As far as who to choose to be parents for your child -- you should do what your heart tells you. I know that is not very helpful, but.....well, for example, my parents were older and not really the kind of people who would get very far on "the list" of accepted people to adopt a healthy baby - my dad was sick with a disability and they were both older. But a birth mother chose them through private adoption - she saw their picture and read their story and knew they would be good parents. Otherwise they probably would have never had a chance to even be parents. So if you do choose to give your baby up, be careful about who you choose. Put a lot of thought into your decision. Remember that a family that may not necessarily be the most "traditional" may wind up being the home that cherishes your child the most, because your child will be a gift - a dream that almost did not come true.

Answer 3

That is wonderful that you are considering adoption. When placing a child for adoption, you should seek advice from an adoption agency, one that is reputable. 2 DO NOT sign anything until you are absolutely positive that you are ready to and have throughly looked the papers over.
An adoption agency has several families that they are working with. They do a background check, home study, mental health check etc. All to ensure that your child will be going to a good family. They will then tell you that have a few families in mind and they will arrange a meeting for you and the prospective adoptive parents. You have the say in weather or not your child is placed with them. If you do not like them, they will keep looking to find a family that is to your liking.
I was pregnant at 19 and my son's father wanted me to place the baby for adoption. We went through all the motions and then in the end I decided not to.

Answer 4

well i was adopted through family friends. my biological mom knew my now mom's best friend. so that's how my now mom adopted me. i think u will just have a strong feeling that this is the family that the baby should go to. also they should probably be on the younger side cuz then they'll have a better chance of living for about 18 years(until the baby becomes an adult and can live on own)

Answer 5

I first want to say that I hope God will watch over you through this and help you make a decision about what is best. Next, I encourage you to seek counseling. You are faced with a life changing decision and you sound to be very mature for your reasons to place a child for adoption but its a decision that you need to make sure you are completely ok with. There are many good, good, adoption counselors that can assist. (not persuade you, but assist you in making a decision)

I am adopted and now due to fertility issues we are waiting to adopt our first child. I can tell you that adoption is a positive thing if its done for the right reasons. I thank God every day for my adoptive parents because my life was forever changed by them. I have a relationship with my birthmom. I am 100% for open adoption and it would be very hard for us to accept a placement where the birthmom wanted it to be a closed adoption. I honestly don't know if I could. As much as I desire to have a family and be a mother, I whole heartedly believe a closed adoption is so wrong for the child. I say that because I hope that in your journey you will seek some counseling and choose an open adoption in the way that your child will atleast know things about you as he or she grows older. It will give them what they need later to feel complete! Trust me, I know.
Here's how I feel about adoption and being adopted and I have said this many times:
I thank God for my birthmom and my adoptive parents. One gave me life, and the others taught me how to live it!
Good luck in your journey and may God Bless you
Kelly

Answer 6

Hi! I'm a birth mom too :) I just gave my baby up in August. I went through a Christian organization so that my little girl to grow up in a home with good morals and values. I really wanted her to have at least one parent stay home and the other to be around. I thought it'd be nice if there was a sibling. I also wanted someone interested in pets or had one because pets are a big part of my life.

I think you really have to look at what you think the best parent would be. What would you want a child to have when growing up. I made a short list and weeded out the profiles that I felt didn't fit what I wanted. Then I went through the ones I liked and really read them carefully and made a shorter list. I came down to 2 possible famiies. I picked the one that I could relate to most and what felt right.

I know it sounds strange, but you have a feeling of "the one". You just know it's the right family and you have a feeling that you know that it's the right family for your child. You could meet the prospective parents and change your mind about them. I had a rough time even though I knew it was rigt. I went with an open adoption, you may choose different. Good luck finding a family and I hope that everything goes smoothely!

Answer 7

I am not adopted but my husband and I cannot have children on our own and are hoping to adopt because we desperately want a child to love and spoil. ;)

I work for a non profit foster agency which also does adoptions so I know quite a bit about the process and there are several ways you can go about it. 1) You can search the internet for an adoption agency that you feel comfortable with and contact them, they will guide you the rest of the way 2) you can tell your doctor you want to give the baby up for adoption and he or she will be able to set you up with an agency or a private adoption 3) do you know anyone who might want to adopt or who might know someone who does?

Whatever you do please try to set something up BEFORE your baby is born so that it does not go into foster care. There is nothing wrong with foster care PER SE...but it is not the best situation for your infant (not all foster families want to adopt and so your infant might not end up in a permanent home right away).

As far as what to look for; FOLLOW YOUR HEART! I don't think that the age of the couple or anything else really matters...what matters is the vibe that you get from them (you will know if they are going to be right for your child, you will just know).

I know that my husband and I would be honored to be chosen by a birth mom. We have struggled with infertility for three years and have shed many, many tears because all we want in the world is for a child of our own to cherish. When that day finally comes we will do anything and everything for that child and they will be the center of our universe. Just to let you know...I am 26 and my husband is 30...but through my job I have met many other couples of all ages and all walks of life who feel exactly the same way about adopting. Couples who cannot have children on their own will cherish and adopted child THAT much more because they had to wait so long and so through so much heart-ach to get their child. That is how you will know. ;)

Answer 8

Look its in God hands what they get you can try and make sure they are good people but sme of the worse can lie and therefore you would not know. its just trial and error. i know i had a good life much better then my siblings cause i was adopted out if i had known my mom and dad i would have been in bad shape i am sure. i had one sister that was abused big time and shes not a mess in foster care and 1/2 mind is gone so you see its just luck i guess take care.

Answer 9

If I were in your situation, this is what I would look for: a stable marriage, both in good health, financially able to support a child, willing to establish a trust fund for college education expenses, ethical family morals (ie religion), one parent willing to stay home with the baby for at least the first few years (ie not put the baby into day care), willing to work with you concerning contact you might want in the future, a supportive or at least accepting extended family (these people will be the baby's grandparents, cousins, etc.).

I'd ask the parents WHY they want to adopt a baby. What do they hope to give this child? How do they intend to make that happen? There are no "right" answers to these questions, but somewhere in the answer you should hear the word LOVE. I'd also ask What If questions: What if the child is not brilliant/beautiful? What if the child doesn't live up to their expectations? What if you divorce? What if one of you dies? Again, no right answers, but listen for an answer that shows a serious commitment to the child...a "we're in this for the duration" answer.

Answer 10

First off I admire you for what you are doing. I have 3 of my own biological children 2 boys and a girl, all are in their teens. I went against doctors orders to have my last 2 and I would do it all over again if I had it to redo. I can't imagaine the emotional turmoil you have to be going through right now. I grew up with wonderful parents My mom was a stay at home mom and she had me at 16, when she married my dad he already had a daughter from a previous marriage. Never has she ever been called our half-sister or step sister, because she is our sister. We were raised with good morals and values that my husband and I have raised our children with. When I was young my dad worked 6 days a week, he owned and operated his own business. And never once when an electric bill or any other bill got out of hand did he ever complain.He used to say all that mattered was that his family was happy and well.Mom and Dad had 6 of us children growing up, but most of the time our home was always full with our friends. And all our friends would look at our parents as a second mom and dad, everyone loved them. There was never anything our parents wouldn't do for us.My mom was the type that we grew a garden and did our own canning also, she always played sports games with us taught us to sew and was never to busy to be there for us. My dad was the type of person that stopped and changed another truck drivers flat for him in weather with a 30 below windsheild factor and he even took that off his own truck and gave it to him. And when the man asked my dad how much he owed him my father replied it could have been me. Maybe one day I maybe broke down and you will stop to help me. My dad passed away with cancer in December 1999, and that man was at his funeral as were alot of other people we had never met that he had helped over the years. We knew he always helped anyone we just never realized how much more. There is 8 grandchildren and my baby brother and his wife are expecting their 2nd next month. 5 grandsons and 3 grand-daughters and expecting another grand-daughter next month. We have a very extended family and we all absolutely love and adore children. Out of all 6 of us children I have a sister and 1 brother who aren't able to have children. My sister married and was forunate to help her husband raise his 2 daughters along with their mom. And she has 2 beautiful grandchildren now that are 7 and 5. Unfortunately my brother and his wife have been married now 7 years and his wife had had a car accident some years before marriage and it caused her to end up having to have a complete hysterectomy a year after they were married so they have been looking to adopt. They both love and want children desperately, they have their home filled with their many neices and nephews and any other children all the time. Whatever you decide to do, please request and make sure that a complete and full background check is run on the person or person's that you choose to decide to be in this little miracles life. Because people can be so deceiving, they can act and put on a big proceesion and totally be something opposite. And I know with you looking out to make sure of your baby's welfare you will make the right choice when you know and feel in your heart that it is right. Look at how they react around their children if they have any, but not just how they react but also how the child reacts to being around the parents. Or how they interact with family members and how famliy members react to them. Spend time getting to know the person or persons, if you can, also get references from their neighbors and friends, co-workers etc...of what type of people they are. I wish you and your baby the very best. And whatever you do don't let someone make you feel pressured to do so. God Bless You and watch over you and yours. Good luck.