Career or Children?

Question

Would you leave your job and become a full time mother and housewife? If you did not already have kids

I am getting married in four months and I have avoided the children topic with my fiance` because I have had mixed responses.

Including women who believe it is their duty to stay at home to raise children and cook, clean etc.

And others who believe children are a nightmare and put their careers first having a childless marriage.

Is it wrong to choose having a career rather than having children? If I chose that would I be selfish? Is it a woman's duty to have at least one child?

Answer 1

Not only would I, but I DID. If leaving your job to be a full time mother is a option, it's a NO BRAINER!

As to not having children, that IS a honorable decision. To many people are having children due to status, or pressure from family. You and your husband are the only people to decide weather or not to have children. Don't allow anyone to persuade your choice.

Good luck

Answer 2

Career OR children? It doesn't have to be an either or situation. You can do both if you choose!

I am currently TTC my first child with my husband, and have not thought twice about whether or not I would continue to work after having a child or children. I believe that with teamwork between parents, you can raise happy healthy children with two working parents and provide the time and attention they require. I also believe that SAH parents (don't forget stay at home dads!!) do a great job and I give them a lot of credit for what they do!

If you truly do not feel like you want children, then don't have any. Just make sure your fiance is okay with that before you two get married!!! That conversation really needs to be had before the ceremony, and not after. I don't believe at all that it is a woman's duty to have children. In fact, we have lots of kids who need guidance and love, and I love the idea of fostering. Still, if the only reason you don't want kids is because you feel you would have to give up your career, that may not be the case. I know it is not the case for me.

Good luck in whatever you choose!!!!!

Answer 3

I really can't understand where this misconception came from about it being 'selfish' to not have children!
Let's face it, having children is actually the selfish choice, they don't make the decision to be brought into the world, we do, not that that makes having children wrong, of course!

I think that if a person truly doesn't want to have children, then the worst thing they can possibly do is have them. Of course people do have unplanned pregnancies, and most times they end up extremely happy that they had the baby, but basically, if you really really don't want children, I don't think it's wise to plan them. If what you're talking about, however, is career vs children, then of course you can have both. Contrary to the opinion of some people, it's perfectly ok to work and have children, and it does not make a woman a bad mother. It doesn't necessarily have to be one or the other, career and family can co-exist. It's just about balance, and doing what you feel would be right for you. The one thing I would strongly urge you to do is talk to your fiancee. Something as big as children and family needs to be discussed between the two of you, and you absolutely need to make sure you're both on the same page, otherwise it could mean the end of your marriage later down the track. So have a chat to him, and do some soul searching, and think about what you really want, both as an individual and a couple.

And just remember, women are people with hopes, dreams, goals, successes and failures. We're not breeding cattle, and we don't have a 'duty' to do anything!

Hope this helps :=)

Answer 4

You really must talk with your fiancee before you get married about the child topic. He could truly be wanting a child hon, and since it's never been brought up, he could possibly feel that you feel that way as well. It is not a good idea to wait until after the wedding to drop the bombshell.

To answer your questions...I'm stay at home mom of 2 boys. My husband loves it, I love it, and being with my kids is the best thing I believe any mother can do for her children. I have however had a job before and had the day care and such, but just my preference I want to be home w/ my babies.
It is NOT wrong to choose a career over children. You are not being selfish at all, and it is most certainly not a womans duty to bare children. It is supposed to be something wonderful not a duty. Please talk w/ your fiancee though. It would be so much worse to wait until after a wedding to bring up this topic.

Answer 5

I am not a mother but I am a daughter to my mom so all these are hypothetical.

Probably on the first few years, I would devote myself to being a good mother to my child. Childhood memories are important and parents better be on it. How parents relate to children especially when they are still on their "forming" stage are very critical and may affect the child in the long run.

A career is likewise important however your kids wouldn't be kids forever, right? So take a risk and learn to balance or do some trade off. Make sure having kids is what you really want.

And no, it's not wrong to have a career first rather than have children. If a career is more important for you at this time, then go for it. Take your time. It would be tragic to have a child and realize later on that you're not yet ready for it. You have to be prepared if you're going to settle for motherhood. And it's definitely not a woman's duty to have at least one child. =)

Answer 6

It is only your "duty" to NOT have children if you do not want them and do not feel that you would be the best Mommy ever. Children are not for everyone and if you cannot or choose not to have them, you are not being selfish - only wise to realize that it may not be for you.

You must discuss this with your fiance prior to marrying - If he wants children and you do not - this is a deal breaker. Youmust be honest with each other.

I chose to get married, have a child and then leave my career. It has it's ups and downs but it is the best thing I have ever done and would not change it for the world. BUT - that's what is right for me.

Think long and hard before making such a serious decision - It seems like you are trying to sort it out now.
Good luck

Answer 7

I have chosen my career. I am 30 and have never felt the biological urge to have children. Unfortunately some people think it is my duty. I have too much respect for children to have a child out of 'duty'. People say that you will always love your own, but I am not prepared to take the risk. I also have been advised by doctors that I am at very high risk for post-natal depression (various reasons). I love children, am a great godmother to one and sponsor 2 children. I am really sad that some people, even ones I know have children because it is expected of them - how unfair and selfish. I excel in my career, have a wonderful marriage and may even consider foster care in the future. But I don't want a child of my own.

Answer 8

Do not get married until you have talked to each other about this very important life choice.

Neither choice is selfish or wrong. But, both are important. And both may leave one of you two feeling like you were cheated or feeling unfulfilled in your lives.

If it is important for your fiance to be a parent in his life, then you have to decide if it's something you want to do with him. If not, you should free him up to find someone who shares the same life goals as he does.

Who knows, maybe he would be happy being a SAHD. Maybe that would work for the two of you. But, you should not go into marriage without having decided what path you want to start on, as a couple. Things may change over the course of the marriage, but you've got to communicate & treat each other with respect.

Answer 9

Well.... I am married (3 years and a half) we do not have children, I work full time and I go to school full time.... I have not yet received my first degree (AA) but I will next year. With my husband we talk about children (is always better to talk about than get surprises, especially before marring your fiancé) my determination is the following; If I get pregnant I will still work and go to school. I will change schedules, instead of school at nigh time I will take same hour from work to go at day time (mornings) I will work only until around 4 so I can be with my children... I know it is a lot of staff all together, but everything is important... If you do not have a career what future you are going to give your children????

Answer 10

No on can make you have a child. You just need to be 100% sure that you don't want them. You are not selfish at all, a lot of people now decide to not have children.
I have a great career and it never entered my mind to quit when i had my kids. I take my hat off to stay at home mummies, because I could never do it 24/7. EVER!!
You really need to talk to your future husband about this, because children may be something he really wants. Compromising is the key!
All the best

Answer 11

You are certainly not obligated to have children. Seems like you're leaning towards that. To me, that's really a responsible decision if you are not sure about what to do. Just look around at how many women have children that they have no business having because they don't want to and can't take care of them. It's not selfish to put yourself first, like most things with women, you're damned if you do, or damned if you don't so you've got to make the decision for yourself and who cares what other people think???