my 5 yr old son says he hates my fiancee he refuses to do what he is told by my partner but only when i am around when i am not there he is good as gold how do i get them to get on better when i am around as we are gettin married this month
2007-10-02 00:08:50 · 8 answers · asked by claire j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is easy to understand that your son sees you as the 'head of the house' in his mind. Your fiance is only second in command, therefore is not in command unless you are absent.
You do not say how long you have been together. Your son needs more time to bond into this new relationship. If he also has contact with his bio father, then it starts to get confusing for a 5 year old.
What ever you decide to do- keep it simple- don't over complicate the situation by trying to have lengthy in depth discussions with a 5 year old!
2007-10-02 00:45:05 · answer #1 · answered by Rev. Deb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your son might have some abandonment issues... he may feel the fiancee is "taking you away" from him... your love, your affection and your attention.
he may feel jealous and left out of the equasion.
your partner isn't responsible to tell your son what to do or for discipline -- YOU are, as the parent when you are around...You and your fiancee probably need to get together on this... and talk about discipline and your child. Right now, he is feeling left out, i'm sure...
I don't think 5 year olds understand the concept of being told what to do by someone who isn't a parent.
You really need to reinforce your love for the child... spend time with him, just the two of you. A couple of hours a week, going to the park or out to lunch or playing a game, even baking cookies together might help. When you do things together, your focus is on him, and he needs that. It's the little things my kids remember now that they are both adult men.
I was married to a man who wasn't the father of my kids... my younger son acted out, too... i took on the resoponsibility of discipline when i was home... if my husband was around, then i made it clear my husband was in charge.
Also, the three of you could do things together (even play a simple card game), where your son is the focus...
Maybe you could find some books in the library on this subject for help? Or, if it doesn't change in time, consult his pediatrician or doctor.
Take care and congratulations on your wedding... you're not alone with this "issue" and i know it's difficult, hon. I hope you get some good answers here.
2007-10-02 01:59:47 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and explain that you do not love him less because you have your fiancee in your life, you love him more because you are happier with having two people love you instead of just one. Tell him that if he accepts your fiancee's love, then he have have two people love him too.
It is all about jealousy. Make sure too, that he understands that your fiancee is not trying to take the place of his father, just to be another friend in his life.
Also try to include him in as much of your activities as possible until he feels comfortable with the situation. Whatever you do, don't give him extra attention when he acts poorly, give it to him when he acts good. Children will take attention anyway they can get it. It is up to you to give it at the proper times.
2007-10-02 00:18:15 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is fighting for your attention. Or, your fiance is different when you are not around. It could be that your fiance is spending more time with him when you are not home, and this is why he is acting out when you are. Try doing family things to where each of you can give him plenty of attention. Once he sees that you and your fiance are together for the long haul, he will come around. When he disobeys your partner, punish him, also, let your partner punish him when he disobeys him.
2007-10-02 00:16:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think this is a normal behavior of most kids... jealous of the new love of their mom.
assure your son that you love him so much and that having your fiancee will make you both happier as a family as a whole
also i hope your fiancee who is more mature and older has to adjust and be flexible on the situation and of course building trust, respect and love is gradual from the part of your son.
2007-10-02 02:04:34 · answer #5 · answered by HOPES 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him eventually he will grow out of it he'll hate you to if you force him to like someone. Just let him he'll eventually make the right choice wither that means liking him or not
2007-10-02 01:04:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a dominance thing,he is trying to rule you through bad behavior
2007-10-02 00:30:32 · answer #7 · answered by John S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is upset that you are replacing his parent... you should give him some time... you can't rush these things.
2007-10-02 00:19:46 · answer #8 · answered by Kay d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋