Shotgun wedding = A case of wife or death.
What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching his a*s... and the other is a chimpanzee.
The reason I turned down an extramarital affair is because my wife found the key to my gun cabinet.
My wife tends to leave well enough alone. Unfortunately, things are rarely well enough.
What is most embarrasing thing that can happy to a man?
Running into a wall with a h*rd-on and breaking his nose.
My mother-in-law told me exercise helps her burn off the calories. I told her a flamethrower would be quicker.
Why do men wear hair gel and aftershave?
Because they're often under increasing pressure from a society which over simplifies the process of ascertaining ones worth and attractiveness by reducing someone down to individual physical attributes OR is it because they're ugly and they smell bad?
Why can't little girls fart?
They don't get a**holes till they're married.
2007-10-01 23:36:49 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
What's the similarity between a man and an uppercase Q?
They're both big fat zeroes with little d*cks hanging off them.
Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mother-in-laws.
A person receives a telegram informing about his mother-in-law's death. It also inquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies, 'Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.'
The wife wants to try the m**sionary position. She's on top while I'm in Africa.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals."
2007-10-01 23:38:02 · update #1
Man: "If I could just see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Why do men talk so dirty?
So they can wash their mouth out with beer.
How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
Nobody knows. It's never happened.
Why did God create women?
He realized he made a mistake the first time.
What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60?
Four men watching a football game.
What do you call a woman without an a**hole?
Divorced.
Why do so many women fake org**ms?
Because so many men fake f**eplay.
Why did the tribes in Israel wander the desert for forty years?
Because even back then, men wouldn't stop to ask directions.
What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so she can vacuum.
2007-10-01 23:39:45 · update #2
very funny
but y do u always make fun of women?
2007-10-01 23:47:16 · answer #1 · answered by Thas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hilarious, but unfortunately, too adult for the 13 year old audience, that is allowed here. You need to invent some of these "slightly too risque" for Cracker Jacks....like
How can you tell the sex of a chromosome? you pull down their jeans.
How is a man like a Ball Park frank? He plumps when you "snookem"
2007-10-01 23:45:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Funny! 10!
2007-10-01 23:44:53 · answer #3 · answered by cats 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Rolling Stones
2016-05-19 00:03:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are so funny that I would have to stuff my mouth with a hanky to stop laughing out loud.
2007-10-02 00:18:33 · answer #5 · answered by Marcus M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha ha very good especially the 2 mother in laws ha ha ha
2007-10-01 23:39:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very Very Funny lol
2007-10-01 23:38:52 · answer #7 · answered by Sparky 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hehehe You rock
2007-10-01 23:39:42 · answer #8 · answered by spick&span 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Quite a bit of brain storming. Funny...... lol!
2007-10-01 23:53:41 · answer #9 · answered by Sharp Shooter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't call them oneliners - but funny it is!
2007-10-02 01:44:51 · answer #10 · answered by Nova 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋