Is it okay to ask one of my students to be a flower girl?

Question

I am a first grade teacher getting married in June (after school is out). I really want a flower girl in my wedding. I am wondering if it would be appropriate to ask the parents of one of my students if their daughter can be in my wedding. I am concerned that it might seem unprofessional. I am also concerned that it might be seen as favoritism or cause jealousy among the other girls in my class (although, since the wedding isn't until school is out, I think the parents and I could keep it a secret from the flower girl until the school year is over -- that would greatly minimize the chance of other kids finding out or being jealous).

I do have one other option. My cousin has a little girl who will be about 2 1/2 or 3 in June. The downsides are that she is rather young and I have only met her twice, so it wouldn't be quite as meaningful to me to have her in the wedding.

What do you think?

Answer 1

Yes, it would be fine to ask one of your students to be your flower girl. I think your plan of keeping it a secret is a great idea, and you should follow it. Make sure you and her parents keep it from the other kids AND their parents.

Your cousin's little girl is a little on the young side, but it really depends on personality. If she takes direction well, and she doesn't mind be stared at by a lot of people, then she will do just fine. If she's shy or rebellious, it wouldn't be a good thing. Another idea is to have her be led down the aisle by one of your bridesmaids, then dropped off at the front to her parents. I wanted my niece to be in my wedding, but she was only 2 1/2 at the time. I knew she wouldn't go down the aisle by herself, so I had my sister, who was my matron of honor, walk hand in hand with her down the aisle, then at the front, she handed her over to my parents. Everybody loved it!

Answer 2

well she hasn't been around for you to meet her too many times anyway right? I think you should go with the cousin's little girl. It might be when school is out but if you live in the area it will not be kept secret. You are very right to wonder if it willcause jealousy, it will, or be viewed as some sort of favoritism, which it will. It would not be the most professional move you could make anyway.

My daughter's small son was the ringbearer when his parents finally married. He was 2 and a half and not completley reliable towalkd down the aisle.
I walked down the aisle with him As mother of the bride I was to be seated last we just changed the order a bit and the ringbearer went down the aisle first with his grandma, the mother of the birde. She had to young cousins as flower girls but they were both 5 and well ready for the responsibility but the 2 year old was afraid to go down the aisle alone at the rehersal so we knew something had to be done because if he would not walk when the church was empty we knew he would never do it with a church full. Everyone though it was a grand idea to include him and this way he was not any sort of disruption. so many people took that picture and it is one of my most cherished memories.

Answer 3

Baaaaaaad idea on so many levels. First, as a teacher, you have to maintain a professional distance with your students. Even if the wedding is after school is out, the invitation to participate and the planning is during the school year. You absolutely cannot have that kind of favoritism in the classroom. What are you thinking?

Beyond that, a wedding should include people who are close to you, not just a collection of roles. I think it diminishes the wedding to just stick some little girl in a role that has no meaning for her or you just so things look nice. You surely do not have the kind of close relationship with this student that would be called for here.

Either forgo the flower girl (honestly, you can get married without one) or ask a family member to do it if you must have one.

Answer 4

Asking a student is not only inappropriate but why would you want a stranger in your wedding party? A 2 or 3 year old is too young. Trust me, you don't want one. They always get shy, cry, misbehave or do something to keep everything from going smoothly. Not to mention that at every wedding I have ever been to the flower girl took attention away from the bride and other bridal attendants during the processional and guests were so busy saying how cute the little girl was and laughing about her behavior that the bride coming down the aisle was an after thought.

Answer 5

Here is an idea. I saw the photo shoot for a teacher who had ALL her students in her wedding! (She got married during the school year, though.) The children dressed in their own clothes and marched down the aisle before her, then were seated together in one area. They did not stand for the ceremony. These were first graders, I believe. The photo ops of her with her entire class were simply priceless. If you were already friends with the parents before having their daughter as a pupil, I think it would be fine. If not, well, I would hate to hurt the other girls' feelings, or be perceived as showing favoritism even after the fact.

Answer 6

I don't think this is a good idea. The first grader may say she'll keep it a secret at first, but when pressured by peers, she'll probably let it out. This will undoubtedly cause a sense of unfairness and favoritism. Even when its not the case, your motives will be scrutinized whenever dealing with that student.

I think you should go with the cousin. After all, she is blood. At 3 years old, she should be walking, and should be able to follow basic instruction, given a little help from her parents.

Good luck and congrats.

Answer 7

Hi. This is a tough question. I don't think it would necessarily be unprofessional (since school will be out), but I do think it shows favoritism. I would not do it if I were you.

I suppose, if you CAN keep it a secret from all the other parents, then it might be OK....but someone might slip up sometime and then if the "word gets out".....I don't know. This will be a decision only you can make.

The 2-3 year old.....too young in my book. You can't count on them at all.....maybe she will walk down the aisle, maybe not. That is awful young.

So.....sorry I can't really help you make up your mind. Do what's in your heart. Good luck!

Answer 8

I think it would be very unprofessional to ask one of your students (for all the reasons you cited).

Ask your cousin or other relative that may have a child of appropriate age, or do without a flower girl.

Think about looking at your wedding pictures 20 years down the road.... see that flowergirl..... wouldn't it better to KNOW where she is because you keep up with your family members... instead of "oh, that was one of my students at the time. I wonder where she is now?"

Answer 9

It IS unprofessional and it DOES show favoritism. I'd personally go with your cousin, because it might be awkward for the parent's of the flower girl to hang out at your wedding if they don't know you very well.

Good luck.

Answer 10

I would as my cousin its just better to keep work and personal life seperate. And if your cousin says no the go to a friend that has a daughter but i wouldnt ask a student. To unprofessional.