What is it that I’m feeling?
Is it luv or is it my lonliness calling out to me?
Day or night…you are on my mind
Awake or asleep….it is you I think of
And it doesn't seem to stop…
Tell me what it is
Is it luv…or is it just my lonliness calling out out to me?
2007-10-01 20:52:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
As a poem, it's lacking.
As song lyrics, it's got a lot of promise.
As a window into your emotions, it's sweet. :-)
2007-10-01 20:55:17 · answer #1 · answered by Bat Boy Jr 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Interesting central idea, would be nice if it were developed a bit more--what does this loneliness feel/taste/smell/sound like? Third and fourth lines are dull cliches. Certainly there is a more interesting way to get across the idea of obsessing. I like the surprise of the fifth line--it suggests pain or illness where we're expecting something romantic.
Anyone who's serious about writing on this subject has got to read "First Love", a short story by Turgenev. He captured it better than Shakespeare or anyone.
2007-10-01 21:08:46 · answer #2 · answered by Houyhnhnm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love the assumption. actually something to construct on. i might write something extra introductory until eventually now hand, ought to make valuable the reader knows what the objective of the narrative is. This additionally seems extra opinionated and not narrative, so upload a splash extra in own existence adventure. This additionally seems very poetic, became that the point? If no longer, no concerns, it in basic terms flows amazingly with the paragraphs. yet while it particularly is your tried time-honored of writing, i might advise rewriting in poetic shape, just to work out which you experience works extra suited,
2016-10-05 23:02:55 · answer #3 · answered by pantano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shaking my head back and forth gave me a pain in the neck;
when next you submit another piece, I suggest "spellcheck"!
2007-10-01 20:58:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cant you figure out what is luv and what is lonliness
2007-10-01 20:57:03 · answer #5 · answered by GruX 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
honestly... although your not going to like it probably...
Grammatically its bloody DIRE.
Luv? i think not.
And should never be used to start a statement and/or sentence (very specific exclusions to that rule)
Not bad, if your 13...
2007-10-01 20:55:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why not use proper english and less dots?
It sounds like you need a boyfriend!
2007-10-01 20:55:39 · answer #7 · answered by Huang K 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
.... I'ts allright. ..lacking in a little bit of extreme skill....
2007-10-01 21:13:14 · answer #8 · answered by I Hate Dolphins 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it might be love....or ur loneliness calling u ....
y dont u ask ur heart ...it might really answer u ..
the one in ur mind might be a frend or ur soul partner....
but ask ur heart to clarify and trust me it shall answer u ....
love fills loneliness and wen love leaves it recalls loneliness ...
so y dont u ask ur heart i m sure it shall answer u
2007-10-01 20:57:19 · answer #9 · answered by sameer_billu 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ok
2007-10-01 20:55:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋