On June 11th, 2006 my youngest brother died in a motorcycle accident. He was the 3r4 of 4 siblings. I am the only female among these. The sibling who'd have preceded me was a mid-term, terrible miscarriage. The oldest brother is 8 years older than I. Here is the unfortunate problem. Ever since my youngest brother died, my mother has developed a strong resentment for me. I think it is because I'm female and she preferred her sons to me. I can not even really discuss this issue, nor tell her I suffer from what I feel it is an uncalled for behaviour which I can not repair.
This Oct 30th, will be my mother's birthday . . I have never failed to give or send her a gift.
However the last time we talked, only a few days ago, she told me she wanted me to stay away, and hung up.
I've bought her some birthday presents because it's not in my heart to leave her out, no matter how harsh she's now to me. I DO still love her, no matter what. What would you do, if you were me?Send the gifts anyway?
2007-10-01 19:45:48 · 15 answers · asked by skydancerwi 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
yes i would, perhaps your mother is suffering with stress and is feeling resentment and guilt for what happended to your brother. perhaps you are the stronger one out of your family so she feels she can push this on you and it will be ok. she should see a doctor to deal with her stress and to learn to mourne in a healthy way. loosing a child can never be an easy thing to do.
i would send them regardless, i would not stop reaching out to her as deep down she does love you she just does not have any idea how to cope with her loss. keep reaching out to her, speak to your brothers and discuss an intervention. she needs to see someone who can help her. i hope this turns around for you, she is lucky to have you to love her unconditionally.
2007-10-01 19:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
One of the stages of grieving is Anger. It sounds like your mother is angry, and you just happen to be the unfortunate one she is directing her anger at. Could this be cultural as well? I know you want to respect her, but at the same time, I think that you should still send the gifts as a sign of your love, and that the doors of your heart are still open. If you really were to walk away from her, she may end up feeling more abandoned than she already is. I am sorry for your loss.
2007-10-01 20:20:42 · answer #2 · answered by sterlingsilverrose82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
send the gifts anyway, and a card, keep it simple, just put something like "thinking of you" or something like that. This is a hard time for all of you and everyone deals with grief in different ways, your mother has lost a child and is enveloped in grief, but you too have lost a sibling and need her support, during this initial grieving process you are all dealing with this in your own way, but who knows what tomorrow will bring, once she is over the harsh rawness of all of this, she will turn to you and need you, as you will need her, so, hard though it is, try to keep the things you can "normal" like birthday presents etc, she may not feel like celebrating, but one day she will take comfort from the fact that despite your grief, you thought enough of her to send something that showed you were thinking of her, the very best of luck, to all of you
2007-10-01 20:44:54 · answer #3 · answered by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went through a time when I did not get along with my mom.
I still gave her gifts for birthdays and special ocassions. I did that because no matter what the problem, I still loved her and wanted her to know that.
It is hard knowing you might not be treated quite the same as others in your family, but I believe the love is still there. Parents don't always realize what they are doing and how it effects others.
2007-10-02 02:25:57 · answer #4 · answered by Alright 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow my dad did the detailed equal factor. Except he dropped us over a females. He might take some time while it was once easy to him. Pay cash while his new spouse might permit it. Except my dad did not simply drop off the face of the planet he moved to a different nation. My dad could also be the equal method. When I inform him I believe harm, allow down, rejected, deserted (my mum is terminally unwell so it made it slightly tougher) he conveniently answered "good I understand i would have performed higher however what is performed is finished". I allow him understand I'm no longer doing this not more. I began off by means of telling him I do not desire to look you, I do not desire none of that, no longer till you begin being extra constant. Phonecalls to begin with. That method you recognize what is predicted and also you gained;t set your self up for unhappiness. Let him no, guarantees, cash, apologise, your phrase. None of that's going to difference the truth he help you down over a interval of those years. Tell him he demands to construct your believe. And your no longer going to allow him again on your existence that handy. Also allow him understand that is it. You burn your bridges this time and it is performed. That's what I did with my dad. I instructed him precisely what I anticipated from our dating this time and set the foundations. Things look to be going well. His been plenty extra constant then he has been within the cross, and I believe he realises that I'm grown now and I've come to gain knowledge of to not anticipate any factor from him. Unfortuantly your emotions are going to nonetheless play a function in it however you'll make a decision simply how so much and the way quick your going to allow him again into your existence. Good good fortune.
2016-09-05 14:29:36 · answer #5 · answered by mish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send the gifts anyway. Sounds like she may still be grieving over your brother, Give her time (all she needs) and always be there for her no matter what she says or does
2007-10-01 19:51:44 · answer #6 · answered by snakefinder41360 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would send the gifts, and I would respsect her wishes about
staying away and give her time to think, I feel like she is hurting really bad inside,and all we can do for someone is be there when she's ready, continue to pray that God will ease the burden,and give her wisdom that she has you also.
I know you are feeling terrible in this situation,but everything is possible with GOD . I am praying for you and your family
2007-10-01 20:28:30 · answer #7 · answered by HEAVENLYTREASURE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar predicament...although my problem involves my sister...we dont get along very well....we dont talk...although i send e-cards to her family during their bdays...
my sister celebrated her bday a few days ago...so i sent an e-card...i have yet to receive a thank you note from her...nor has she bothered to read it at all (i tagged the card, so i would get a note that she opened it - but she hasnt)...i felt really bad...
there is nothing we could do if people dont like us...we cannot force them to like us...of course it hurts...especially because they are our family...so i think, like me you should just send her the gifts...if she doesn't like them or she fails to say thank you...its okay...at least you did your part and nobody can blame you for not trying to be closer to your family...at least in your heart you know you did your best to patch things up and you wont feel guilty about it...
2007-10-01 19:57:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well done, you have your head in the right place. I get the feeling that you understand why she feels the way she does towards you. I say send the gifts to her reagardless.. it still makes you a good person & perhaps it will show her that. At the end she is still your mother & things will get better if you persist, even if you die trying!
2007-10-01 19:51:22 · answer #9 · answered by Claude 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get another relative to get your mother into counseling/therapy. She is having grieving issues and needs help.
In the meantime, stay away, as she asked, out of respect. If you wish, get her a card and have a relative deliver it. If she refuses it, save it for when she is better.
2007-10-01 19:53:22 · answer #10 · answered by Greenman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋