How do I stop resenting my parents?

Question

I don’t scream at my parents, and I’ve never hit them or hurt them physically. With my dad, I never shout or yell at him, but I have sometimes with my mum. But I almost always feel resentment towards them, because they don’t let me do things that I want to do and they always look at my computer, check all my emails, and try to get into my myspace, yahoo profile, messenger contacts, etc…and they don’t let me have any privacy for myself. They even listen into my phone calls with my friends quite often. So normally, I’d take all the phones into the room that I’m ringing and shut the door so that they can’t listen in, but now they’ve banned me from doing that. They’ve made a new rule that the door must be at least half-opened and I must not take any phones into the room or unplug any phones except for the one that I’m going to use to ring. And I just feel so uncomfortable.

I actually don’t mind my parents listening in to my phone calls or checking up my myspace, profiles, blogs, etc…but when they do, they always have some sort of correction for me. They tell me to delete a certain friend or take my photo off (it’s not a bad photo) – they basically don’t approve of anything that I do, but I don’t do anything bad! I’m taking an accounting course next year, but I’m hiding that from dad because if I tell him, I’m afraid that he’ll tell me not to do it, coz he hates accounting. I’ll be finishing year 12 the end of this year, and I really want to go to uni next year, but they don’t allow me because they say that I’m not mature enough, but I’ll be 17 next year! And the next minute, they say that I’m the best child in the family and that they’re just trying to protect me. I don’t expect them to let me stay on campus. I don’t mind if they drop me off at 8:30 am and pick me up at 3 pm, but they still wont let me go.

And every time I see mum and dad (especially), everything becomes tense…I can’t say one word or one thing that THEY THINK is wrong. And anything that I say to my brother in dad’s presence, my dad wants to know exactly what I said if he didn’t hear what I said properly…but why? I’m talking to my brother and he shouldn’t be involved. I don’t want to leave home, because my 2 older sisters did, and now they’re in a big mess…I don’t believe it’s right for me to leave. My parents don’t beat me up, so that’s fine. But now I’m feeling this resentment for them all the time, and it seems that I just cant forgive them for what they have been doing to me. I want to forgive them, but I cant. And anything that I say or do wrong to them...like if I disobey something that they told me to do…I just cant go up to them and say I’m sorry. I can say it to anyone else…my teachers, my brother, my friends, my aunties, cousins, uncles, relatives, etc…

but I just can’t say it to my parents even though I know I have done many wrong things to them. I don’t even appreciate anything that my parents have done for me. I know they have done many good things for me, but I just cant appreciate them for it, because of this resentment. So can anyone help me please? What can I do to overcome this? Any help much appreciated. Thanks.

Answer 1

Hey vicky,
You have 2 older sisters....?

I think you should tell ur parents about giving u a bit of privacy and tell them that you feel suffocated by what there doing. I know that's proberly either been tried or not an option, but allot of kids run away for this exact reason cause there parents are being over protective.

Well I suppose u could all ways leave home once u've finished school and stuff there's a good chance ur not going to end up on the streets or become a drugie lol. And there are good christian family's that would proberly let you stay with them it you needed to.

well hope that helps and love you heaps!!! :)

Answer 2

Okay... you have a year and a half before you can legally move out. Your parents are smothering you and the control trip is driving you nuts. You want a little privacy. They don't want you running off and getting pregnant or whatever.

I'd say you need family counseling because their control trips stand to drive you to rebellion... the opposite of what they want.

I would suggest getting a little part-time job after school just so you can get out of the house a little more. You could then afford your own cell phone... get a pay-as-you-go plan at Radio Shack or some place like that, so the cell bill won't show up at the house.

Answer 3

I hope this is good advice for you. I would ask them out to a neutral place like a park or restaurant. Talk to them without anger, if possible. Tell them that overprotecting you, will not give you a chance to live as an adult when the time comes, if that is your feeling. Ask them to give you a chance to prove to them the good values they taught you. Begin now by showing them you are responsible. Perhaps by your second year in college, they may relax the bit that they have through your teeth.
I had almost the same experience when I was in high school and my father did not want me to have a boyfriend. The boy and I only kissed, because my mother raised us well and expected us not to have sex before marriage. My father never trusted us, but we did not give him any reason for it.
Maybe your parents were raised as strict as mine and they're afraid you will get in trouble somehow. Have the talk and tell them how sad and unhappy it all makes you.

Answer 4

Don't take offence to this however possibly you will have to check out counselling or speaking to any one thoroughly approximately the way you think. Also, when you meet the proper character you're going to slowly start to be see you are not as ****** as you consider. If you desire to be a well lover/father you're going to be. Stay constructive and do matters that make you completely satisfied. Try to make your sister detect the reality

Answer 5

THEY are worried silly about you. My third daughter did all of the above and we ended up spending all her college fund $90,000.00 to help her get off drugs. Do you have any questions?

Answer 6

My own daughter that is 15 probably feels the same way about me at times.

Perhaps it will help to know that it is Very hard for us as parents to tell you no,and to do the things that we do that invade what you feel is your privacy.
But when we weigh that against our not doing it and what could happen to you if we don't, we have no choice.

We know we have only one chance to give you a good start in life. We also know from our own choices, good and bad ones,that you spend the first 20 years of your life making choices that you will have to live with for the next 20 or more.
We try to spend as much time as possible teaching you how to navigate in this ever increasingly dangerous world.

Unfortunately, about the time you need it most, you want it least, because your friends are more important to you, and you want to spend more time away from us.

We want you to be aware of the dangers out there directed at the inexperienced.
To give you a couple of examples from the area I live in.

One young man, 18, died of alcohol poisoning because when he passed out at his friends house where they were drinking and he became unresponsive they did nothing. The parents of one of the friends was upstairs, but because they did not want to get caught for having alcohol illegally,and be questioned about where it was from, they left him to sleep it off, then they upon waking up the next day and finding their friend dead, took him to an isolated place and dumped him.

To be fair they probably would not have known what to do for him anyway, IF they had recognized he needed help.
But because of peer pressure, and not wanting to get caught and their Inexperience, they now live with the knowledge that they contributed to their friends needless death. In addition they were criminally charged.
In another instance, a 16 year old girl was a party at a friends house with her boyfriend,who was drinking. He was drunk, and insisting that she perform an act of sex right there in front of all their friends.Of course she refused.He pulled out a gun, that no one knew he even had access to, and shot her in the face killing her.

I live in Utah. Not New York, or Chicago or L.A. but "safe" Utah.
When you go to homes of your friends and your parents don't know if your friends parents are responsible,we have to worry every minute you are out of our sight, not because you are going to do something wrong, but because you may not recognize the danger you may be in. We don't know if there is a loaded gun in their home or if they supervise their child. Some parents of my daughters friends cannot be trusted,because they are too busy trying to get a date. They have willingly dropped their kid off somewhere they don't know and just left with no idea as to when to expect their child to return home nor do they care. Other parents don't want to believe their child could ever lie to them and don't even question them about where they are going and what they will be doing.

Too few parents care as I have seen first hand and as a result they have allowed their one opportunity to give their child a good start in life to be squandered.

We love you, we hate to hurt your feelings, but if I have to choose your feelings being hurt or your life being forever changed in a bad way,I'll hurt your feelings every time. And in time you will come to appreciate how much you were loved.
I only wish my own parents had given me that much care.

Remember they love you and are only scared for you. It comes off as not trusting you sometimes, but is not a matter of not trusting you, just your inexperience, and that of your friends. Please bear with us and keep talking to us.

Communicating your every move, and your own fears and your hopes and plans for your future go a long way.If we know you have a goal that you are determined to accomplish, it gives us something to help you focus on. Then when you want to do things, we can ask how that may or may not help you reach your goals,if we see a possible setback ahead.

We have lived longer and suffered the consequences of our own mistakes.But the world has gotten much more unforgiving of a careless or carefree moment. You couldn't get H.I.V. or shot in a driveby,and yes we have those here too, or carjacked. Teen on teen violence is through the roof as I'm sure you are well aware.
Domestic violence between dating teens was unheard of as we were coming up. No internet sexual predators,either.Meth was not prevalent like it is now.
We have had to educate ourselves, as we are trying to educate you, and we are playing catchup.You already know some things more than we do.But do you recognize the need to let us know and tell us when you are in over your head?

I hope you can better understand how they really feel and why, and can forgive them for loving you a little more than you might like at times.You ARE a good kid, that is why they are working so hard to keep it that way.

Answer 7

you can't