Gossip questions for Christians ...?

Question

Okay, so I have some questions about gossip. My question is in two parts.

I feel like the Lord has really been teaching me about gossip for the last few years. At work and places like this, I try really hard not to gossip. I work with a lady who sits right in front of me who I really like a lot. Unfortunately, she also gossips a lot about the people we work with. I rarely if ever participate in an active sense but I do listen. The main reason I listen (besides fleshly reasons, because I confess it is 'fun' to listen to) is because I have no idea how to ask her to stop without making it seem like she can't talk to me period. Do you know what I mean? It's not that I don't want to stand up for what is right but I don't know how to say stop without her feeling that I'm so self-righteous that she can't talk to me about anything.

Part two: If I talk to my husband, my best friend and my mother about things that have happened at work or wherever (continued) ...

... is this gossip? Like if someone has hurt my feelings or my boss has upset me or just whatever, should I not be speaking about this kind of thing? At least for the moment I'm not really gossiping at the office, but I don't know how to never talk about people at home, ya know? Not that that's the only thing I talk about but how far are you allowed to go in terms of talking about what is bothering you, and how much should I be censoring myself? When is it crossing the line over to gossip?

Thanks!

Answer 1

About the first question you said:

"It's not that I don't want to stand up for what is right but I don't know how to say stop without her feeling that I'm so self-righteous that she can't talk to me about anything."

It is important that you set healthy boundaries for those around you. It seems that God is convicting you of just listening to this gossip. This person has a spirit of gossip and God is trying to protect you from it. It is a sin. If she were talking about her adulterous affair, her thefts, her murders, would you listen or would you tell her you are uncomfortable listening to this type of thing?

What does the word of God say?

Proverbs 17:4, "A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue."

YIKES. That's an indictment against anyone who would listen to gossip.

Godly standards ARE an offense to those who do not yet know the truth. This is unavoidable. We do not have to apologize for our standards just as you are not expecting this lady to apologize for her standards--just not include you in this activity. Honestly, you won't miss the distraction this causes and if she really is this full of gossip it is best not to talk too much to someone like this as you will end up being the one gossipped about!

On to the second question:

You know, one of my favorite verses in the word is--

Proverbs 11:22, "As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion."

We need to learn discretion. As we use Godly judgement and we pray about matters before discussing them with ANYONE we can ask God to show us if this is something we should share with anyone else.

Because God lead me through this process as He is leading you--I found out that as I committed the matter that was on my heart to God in prayer the desire to discuss these issues lifted.

As an amazing result I was now seeing Jesus as my friend--the one whom I could always call upon and trust to keep my confidences, the one who would never fail me, never give me bad advice, never count it as a fault against me. Sharing burdens with God first released me from the bondages of (or) the need to (or) the compulsion to "over share" with my spouse, family and friends.

I also found that if I absolutely needed to discuss an issue with someone outside of God that I could trust God to give me the wisdom in how to share it. I asked God that he put the words in my mouth and the right spirit in my heart as I shared with those I believed God would want me to discuss such issues with....

Praise God, He is working in and through you.

Ask God for a spirit of self-control and just don't talk about ANYTHING to anyone for a few days and only call upon God in prayer and see what happens! (This can be called your "talking fast"...) It may amaze you how many times you are tempted to talk about someone else!

May God Bless You--great question!

Answer 2

Gossip is just some one trying to make them selves look all important because they think they are telling you something that only they know about. It also makes them feel like they are better than that person. Gossip, whether it is the truth or a lie, is very destructive. And once it starts it can snowball, and really hurt a lot of people. That is why a Christian should just let some one know that they are not interested (even if the flesh tells you that you are). I just tell people that I don't want to be rude, but I don't really know what the situation really is and I prefer not to discuss it. That may sound rude, but its not. You are just stating the way you feel about gossip. As far as telling a loved one about your day, it is not gossip. It only turns to gossip if you say, guess what so and so told me about our boss today.

Answer 3

Having had a lot of experience in an office situation that was rife with gossip, the best way is to simply not participate. If someone were to try and gossip to me, I would simply, but nicely, tell them that I simply don't do that. It usually worked. However, if they insisted and continued, I simply walked away - evidently they did not understand I was serious. Once they knew I was not going to involve myself in office politics or gossip, they stopped.

If you are talking to your husband to tell him about your day, not gossip. If you are talking about the people and their irritating habits, gossip. If you are talking about a problem with which you would like some help, not gossip. If you are talking about a problem just to relieve some pressure knowing it will go no further, not gossip. If you are talking about a problem just because you want to talk about it, gossip.

To me, gossip is when you speak about someone in a negative way that has no positive outcome.

Answer 4

I have seen gossiping handled in a couple of ways. Once a patient began to talk to me about the personal life of a community leader that I had previously worked for. When I realized where she was taking the conversation, I just said with a wink, "You know, there are some things that I just don't need to know, and that's probably one of them." That was the end of that, and she didn't take offense at all.
In another case, our pastor had been preaching for months (intermittently) about gossip because it was so prevalent in the town where we lived. She suggested that if we would refuse to listen, people would stop gossiping -- at least, around us. One evening several people were talking after church when one lady started, "I just feel so sorry for (a person's name) because her husband . . . . " Without exception, each of the people in the group slowly walked away without a word, and she was left standing alone with her juicy story.
Confiding in a friend or spouse isn't gossip if you aren't discrediting the person you are telling about. Be sure that the person you share with is one who will keep your confidence.

Answer 5

I do not consider talking out my problems with my husband or mother or best friend a form of gossip...... We all need human fellowship and sometimes wisdom that comes from other people..... When speaking to the few people I trust , I am mainly seeking guidiance and wisdom on a certain matter, or maybe even just venting a little..... I ask or vent, pray and wait........ I too am against gossip, tho at times I do fall into that trap...... and as for the lady at work, I suggest that maybe during a quiet time, after work, that you sofly explain to her how you feel about gossip... telling her that you feel quilty and that you would NOT want to be part of hurting others, by them finding out they are being spoken of behind their backs, and that maybe some of the things you two talk about may not be the FULL story........ try not to point the finger at her, try not to make her feel quilty or embarrased, just point out to her YOUR own feelings........ go in peace...... God bless

Answer 6

When someone starts to gossip you have a couple of choices,

1. You can listen and tell "yourself" you really don't want to hear it (but as you said, it is fun to listen to it- so that would be a lie).

2. You can excuse yourself and go to the rest room or get a drink (anything to interrupt the conversation) and then when you come back, change the subject.(that way she won't get the idea that you DON'T want to talk to her at all)

If you do this enough she will start to get the idea.

TALKING TO HUSBAND OR MOTHER-

Yes, you and your husband are one, you should be able to talk to him to help calm yourself and get it out of your system.

As long as "You" don't turn it into "gossip" just tell him what hurt you and why and don't get yourself built up where you are saying "AND SHE DOES THIS AND SHE'S DIVORCED AND......" you get the idea? that has nothing to do with why YOU are hurt.

Answer 7

Well, first let me address part two, for it is the easiest. Your husband and you are one. Unless your husband has a problem handling what you say to him (whether it be that he has a problem with gossiping himself, or he wants to hurt anyone who hurts you, etc.), you should feel free in confiding anything to him. You are not one with your mother or your best friend, however, and should be much more careful when talking to them. It is okay to tell them about some things that happened at work, etc., but names should be left out. Also, if your friend or your mother knows any of these people, you probably shouldn't say anything at all.

As to the person at work... This is a more delicate situation, since I assume the person at work is not a Christian, or if they do proclaim to be, that they do not go to your church and you do not have a Christian sister/sister relationship. Since this is the case, you really can't tell her that you feel it is inappropriate for her to gossip. It's really not your place. However, you need to find a way to tell her that you are uncomfortable hearing the gossip. You might try to avoid using the word "gossip" however, when you talk to her, to try to avoid her feeling like you are "judging" her. However, I would use your own discression on this point. You might just tell her that you really don't feel comfortable talking about others, and that you have been afraid of telling her, because you don't want her to feel like you are being judgmental. If she eventually decides to not talk to you anymore, you have to be okay with that, although you should do your best to make her feel at ease around you.

Answer 8

Wow! That is so weird! For the last few days I have been wondering exactly the same thing! I mean, when it comes to gossip, how far is too far? I know that women tend to talk about other people, that's part of our nature. But are you allowed to say ANYTHING negative about other people? Is it ok as long as it's not bashing them or revealing something that they told you in confidence? Sorry, I know I'm not answering your question, but I was wondering too.

Answer 9

I would tell her quite frankly (after a period of not responding) that if she has been noticing that you have not been paying much attention to her when she talks about others you can say that something has just happened that involved you yourself gossiping about someone and you have determined not to participate anymore (if she presses you for the incident you can tell her it is private and you don't want to talk about it). This way it's you that has the problem and not her and also she can stop at least trying to involve you without clamming up on other things.

Answer 10

Gossip - if they gossip to you - they will gossip about you &
If you gossip to someone they too will think you will gossip about them.

Good way to lose either way.

Gossip is talking about someone for the purpose, consciously or unconsciously, of harming them.

Envy, jealousy, fear, social or personal is usually behind gossip.

Gossip is in opposition to God's will, if we knowingly gossip to tear down another to point out flaw. It may be that a person is doing exactly what they need to do to learn something God needs them to experience. Who are we to judge?

First, go to God if something is troublesome.
Spouses are best friends and partners by bond before God. Who better to discuss something which bothers us than with our partner?

There are father, mother, sisters, and brothers,and pastors.
We know who is closed mouthed in our circle of close others that we can talk to if something bothers us. If we go to several it might be gossiping.

Answer 11

As for the lady, I'd politely ask/tell her that gossip simply makes me uncomfortable.

I think one of the greatest characteristics of gossip is that its spread with malicious intent. Just venting or unloading on someone isnt necessarily gossip, but when it crosses the line into simply 'did you hear this?' or 'lemme tell you what happened' just for the heck of it, then it's probably time to stop.