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My boyfriend's mother died on Saturday, and I'm going to the funeral tomorrow afternoon. I want to avoid being rude, but I also don't want to mislead them. Any ideas of how to manage?
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2007-10-01 16:02:34 · 30 answers · asked by NHBaritone 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Respect their views and just nod when they say that she's in Heaven now.
A funeral is not the place to get into a discussion about how you disagree with their beliefs.
2007-10-01 16:05:25 · answer #1 · answered by Pangloss (Ancora Imparo) AFA 7 · 14⤊ 0⤋
My Dad died in August and my whole Family is religious. A funeral is not the place to discuss ones beliefs like that. Even though the religious tend to. People are hurting and you will end up in an argument or something unpleasant. Better to just nod your Head. You dont have to agree, just dont say anything at all. Especially when its not your own Family. I am atheist and i would be quite upset if someone started an argument with my Family at a time like that.
2007-10-01 23:09:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband of 20 years died 1 1/2 years ago. I am a Christian. His girlfriend that broke up the marriage was there. His VERY out of the closet gay daughter was there (she was one of the pallbearers) All our kids were there that hated the girlfriend, who insisted that as his "life partner" she should be in the immediate family section where a wife would have sat and they had to sit by her. The gay daughter's "wife" was there. I sat on the second row with the "extended family" group. Believe me, none of these issues were as important as the grief we all had and the funeral was no place to bring any of it up. A funeral is a place to grieve and say goodby to the one you love. Period. It is not a place for anything else. Thank you for caring enough to ask. You are a good girlfriend to that young man.
2007-10-01 23:24:59 · answer #3 · answered by ganna 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a Christian so of course I believe that there is an afterlife- however let me tell you, even if I wasn't and went to a funeral of someone who did, I would never voice my opinion about that then. It would not be appropriate, the day is not about what you believe, but about supporting your BF and his family, don't you think?
2007-10-01 23:43:55 · answer #4 · answered by AdoreHim 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You smile and nod and seem agreeable, regardless of what your personal beliefs are. That is NOT the time to educate people as to your beliefs.
Besides, what is so wrong with someone telling you that she's happy at god's side? Remember, they are saying that to comfort you,.and the mean well.
My mom in law died this last Christmas, and while she wasn't christian - none of the family were - many people said similar things and we were all agreeable and thanked themfor their well wishing. After all, that's what they believe and their frame of reference. No need to anger anyone.
Saying anything but "thank you for the kind thoughts" IS going to be rude. So for that day, keep your beliefs to yourself.
2007-10-01 23:09:39 · answer #5 · answered by Cheese Fairy - Mummified 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Cut the afterlife out all together... whats relevant is that the person who has passed will live on best in the memories of those who loved them. When someone says something like "Well they are in a better place, now" or "They are in heaven" etc just nod your head and say "They will also live on in your memory" or something along the lines of that. Thats what I do.. to me what matters the most is the memories you have of the people in your life.
2007-10-01 23:51:12 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly + Eternal Universal Energy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when conversing with Christians i just use words like 'heaven' as symbolism. Even if you don;t literealy believe in all of there non-sense you might find that its possible to understand there religion from an artitisic/creative writting perspective.
Just think, if i were inventing a religion wouldnt i mislead these fools like this and speak as if its the best thing in the world that the mom is dead because shes in heaven. Lets celebrate!
2007-10-01 23:12:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi. I am a Christian, as such I have found in the Bible that the dead are concious of nothing. Feeling this way I have been in the position you refer to, like when my Grandmother died, and people wanted to comfort me. In general it depends on the time and place. If someone has the time and interest to talk, and mentions her being in heaven, I may engage them in a conversation on my beliefs.
That said, if I am a funeral for someone who believes differently, I find sentiments such as "At least they aren't suffering anymore" work well.
2007-10-01 23:11:21 · answer #8 · answered by Ish Var Lan Salinger 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Nothing, many people take comfort from knowing that their loved one will go to heaven. Even if you don't agree it would be better not to say anything. Think of it like telling a kid there is no Santa, You feel there isn't but why cause a difficult situation? Good question though; it shows you care.
2007-10-01 23:09:31 · answer #9 · answered by thrill88 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It would be pathological to get into a debate over theology vs. athiesm at a funeral. How old are you? If you can't smile and agree with someone at a public gathering, you should stay home.
2007-10-01 23:23:08 · answer #10 · answered by A Plague on your houses 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I generally avoid funerals. Who wants to fawn over a corpse? Yech! Talk about morbid.
Just stick with something like, "I'm very sorry for your loss." It's a non-religions statement, and most likely true. Leave discussion of your own beliefs for a less somber time. Unless you want to cause a scene, which personally I'm all for!
2007-10-01 23:18:01 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋