He said I was the woman he wanted to be with. Now that he is home he is telling me he needs time before he is with me. I was the one there for him all the way.
People need to stop blaming the fact that he went to war. I used to think that, but all my friends tell me if he really wanted to be with me he would.
I wish I never did anything.....cause now all I have is a broken heart.
He got support, what did I get?
So....why do some of you who go over seas lie just to get what you want?
2007-10-01 15:38:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Real responses please.
2007-10-01 15:42:27 · update #1
At this point if he wants to talk to me he can call me. I am not going to keep looking like a fool because I actually care about him.
2007-10-01 15:43:44 · update #2
Forget that....It's all going to come back to him.
2007-10-01 15:45:33 · update #3
KARMA...i hope it is real.
2007-10-01 15:46:01 · update #4
He is blaming it on the fact he went to war and that he needs to get his mind right. People I know say the same thing. I am not blaming or saying everyone that goes is the same...most cases the guy is happy to be home with his woman....so that is why i am like dang. i thought it was supposed to be like that. Everyone i know is saying he is acting this way because he went to war...where as my friends are saying it has nothing to do with it...
I am just mad/sad about the whole thing.
2007-10-01 15:49:53 · update #5
i have been there for him...time after time after time...he is never there for me....so why should i continue? i don't think anyone can answer.
2007-10-01 16:04:49 · update #6
I'm not sure what your relationship was with this guy but I can tell that you felt serious about him.
When people tell you that it is the fact that he went to war then it probably is. Friends mean well, they care a lot about you and don't want anyone to hurt you but sometimes they don't have a full grasp on the situation and speak from emotions instead of from rationality.
When people go through traumatic events, such as war, they feel lost and confused. Often they feel blame for things that happened and they are afraid that no one can understand except for someone who has been through the same experience.
Try to relax, just be there for him and let him know that you still care. Don't worry if you don't know what to say, just listen when he speaks and don't make any judgements about what he is saying. Realize that it will take time for him to feel comfortible again and that he might not ever feel quite as comfortible as you want him to again.
That doesn't mean that he doesn't care. You know, down deep whether or not he cared for you when he left. No one else could possibly feel what your heart feels or what his does.
Try to get some support from women who have been through the same thing that you are going through.
2007-10-01 15:50:21 · answer #1 · answered by Twilight 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not you and it is not him. While he was in the war he saw things no one should ever have to see. No amount of preparation or training can ready you for real war. Seeing body parts, crying, moaning and death affect a person like nothing else. Also, what you cannot see on the news is the smell of death, it is horrible.
When a military man or woman leaves a war zone to return stateside (or as we say return to the land of the big PX), that is when the nightmares start, the cold sweats, the fear of being alone, the fear of being in a crowd, not being able to sleep at night because you are afraid of the dark, and not being able to sleep in the day because of the noise and the light. This is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD is one of the worst wounds to get. You have no visible scar. Everyone cannot understand why you act the way you do. You feel that you are the only person in the world that feels this way. I am a Viet Nam era Veteran. I have had PTSD since that time. I take a ton of medicine a day. I see a phycologist biweekly, go to group therapy weekly, and see a physchiatrist every two months. I have been doing this for over 15 years. Let me tell you the best parts; first I found out that their was other people with my problems and second my wife found out that the problem was with me and not her. Luckily I am treated at a Veteran's Administration Hospital and the doctors there let my wife learn about my condition.
The VA gives 2 years of free care to all veterans returning from the war. Tell your b/f that you will go with him to the mental health department of the hospital as many times as necessary. He does not know it but he needs you more now than he ever did.
Best of Luck
Bill
Capt. USAF
Retired Disabled Veteran
2007-10-01 23:27:25 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Have your friends been to war? I doubt it. Look, you need to quit being so selfish and realize that he is just trying to be ok before he is with you. Maybe he's still having nightmares, or is really jumpy and doesn't want to freak you out. When my husband came home last year it took quite a few months to get use to the culture shock. I had to help him realize he was safe (we were only dating at the time) and that it was ok for him to tell me what happened. If you cant handle that he only wants the best for you, then he deserves better. I'm not trying to be mean, but you could NEVER understand what it is like over there, and how hard it is for them to adjust when they come home.
2007-10-02 05:48:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
His prospective has changed and what was important yesterday is not as relevant today. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and if he has true feelings try to get beyond yesterdays issues. I am sure he had feelings but he has been away and grown mentally and may feel a new horizon of atitude. You need to be able to grow with him and learn about what he thinks is now important. Relating is a key factor to relationships. Support you should support him and still support him without throwing it in his face. It is a good quality and good qualities in this world so often go unrewarded but thats what separates the girls from the women. Grow up and look for some relevant answers.
2007-10-01 22:50:17 · answer #4 · answered by nsprdwmn 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You know what? You need to settle way down. You said he has only been back for 3 weeks and your yelling at him for not driving 2 hours to see you. Grow up.
The man just came home from war. Give him some room, let him have some air and readjust. Did you know they say on average it takes about 3 months for them to readjust once coming home?
Your yelling at him and pressuring him, and you have no idea what he has been through. I wouldn't want to see you either.
Mine is on his 2nd tour right now and I don't expect him to do a dance for me the minute he gets home.
He told you he needs time to get his head back together, LET HIM. There were days and days when mine would just come home and sit in silence for hours at a time not wanting to talk to anyone. Do you think I stood in his face yelling at him, "WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT ME?" He would have walked right out the door.
You need to learn empathy, understanding, patience, and most of all to zip that mouth closed.
As for the other men you said are willing to drive 5 hours to see you, then go with them if they are so special. Leave the soldier alone. He needs a woman, not a child to come home to.
Good Luck but with the way you're acting I don't see it working out.
2007-10-02 00:52:52 · answer #5 · answered by Black Kitten 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This has nothing to do with going overseas and to war. People lie all the time to get what they want. Blaming the situation on the military/war/deployment is pointless. Like your friends said, if he wanted to be with you, he would be.
He could have lied or he could have changed his mind, or perhaps he realized you weren't the one, or perhaps it's just you, or it could just be nothing.
Sorry, but just move on.
2007-10-01 22:46:10 · answer #6 · answered by contessaharridan 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It not the people fighting wars like that but that is just the behavor of some people and it could come from any direction and anyone.
2007-10-01 22:49:42 · answer #7 · answered by Kirk Neel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
AND THE MILITARY CONNECTION IS ???????????
Outside the fact he is a soldier and a MAN, this would be better posted in the "failure at romance" section.
2007-10-02 01:37:34 · answer #8 · answered by conranger1 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just see if he wants u.. if he does, he will decide. if he doesnt' just move on.. dont let guys get in the way of ur life
2007-10-01 22:42:27 · answer #9 · answered by Sophia 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry... but your friends are right.
I appreciate that you were support for him...our troops.
2007-10-01 22:44:00 · answer #10 · answered by gcbtrading 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋