My 21yr daughter, Jackie, attended College A for 1yr before deciding to move back home and attend another school for several reasons. We went all out when she started attending college A (had banners, clothing, stickers etc) and after she left, all was thrown out and it was never spoken of again. Our 18yr didn't mention it last year when she was applying. Now, our 17yr daughter is currently looking at colleges and loves College A, but is afraid to apply because she sees it as "Jackie's school" and doesn't want to hurt her sister’s feelings. I know it would make Jackie upset on some level and I do care a great deal about her feelings, but at the same time I want my 17yr daughter to choose and apply to schools that she loves and not rule out a great opportunity just because it didn't work out for someone else.
Any ideas? What would you do in my situation?
2007-10-01 14:25:21 · 8 answers · asked by Jen Y 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Are they pregnant? HAHA. sometimes peoples answers just crack me up...
I was in a situation very similar to this not long ago. I dropped out of "College A" my sophomore year and transferred to another school because I was overly stressed and the work load was above my level. I was the first to go to college so of course my parents went all out-had sweatshirts, College A Parents t-shirts, bumper stickers etc. The following year my step brother was looking at schools and considered College A, but wasn't sure if he should because I had dropped out. He did end of applying, getting in and attending it and I was pretty upset at the beginning. I felt horrible, like I was being replaced. That when my parents wore that stupid shirt that said College A Dad/Mom, they were now supporting him instead of me. This of course was not true, but it took some time to realize it. My parents equally supported us both during our college careers. I never heard them compare me to him when College A came up or mention that I had dropped out. During my step brother's Junior year, I actually went up to visit him.
Given a little bit of time, I'm sure you eldest daughter will realize this just as I did and see the happiness of her sister wherever she chooses to go next year. I'd also remind your daughter once that this is her future and she should apply to the colleges she believes will lead her to a good future.Just because it didn't work out for one person, doesn't mean that it won't work out for another. If that means applying to College A, then she should do so. If she decides not to for any reason, that is her choice. After all, the college you attend doesn't make your future. It's what YOU MAKE of college that does.
Good Luck =]
2007-10-01 15:02:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Obviously something seriously wrong happened while your 21yr was attending this school which makes the entire family feel as if they cannot talk about it or go back to it.
You really are caught in the middle and it's because you're the mother of both parties. No one want to see their children get upset or be uncomfortable with something. I guess because I'm an outsider, the choice is clear to me.
Your 17yr daughter needs to pick the colleges she likes without any biases. Right now my oldest is looking at colleges and she REFUSES to look at the colleges her father and I attended. That's her choice to do so, but at the same time, she is missing out on looking at 2 colleges that could very well be good choices for her. Explain to her that this is her turn to pick and decide where to go in the future and just because something happened to someone close to her there, doesn't mean it shouldn't be considered. If she doesn't want to apply that's her choice, but make sure she's making this choice for a better reason than "My sister dropped out of here."
As for your 21yr, I'd explain to her that this is her sister's choice. Let her know that no ones going to look down apon her because she dropped out and the 17yr is choosing to go there. No one is going to compare the two. Maybe having her sister attend this college will ease some of the issues she's obviously still angry/upset about. She's most likely still going to be upset about it, but give her some time.
I wouldn't force the two to go see the college together or to talk about it with each other. If they want to, they will.
Good Luck :)
2007-10-01 14:54:23 · answer #2 · answered by Carrie R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would take your daughter to go see college A and ask Jackie if she'd like to go along. Maybe going back would help in some way. It sounds like whatever happened at this college to your oldest daughter had an impact on the whole family and you're all iffy about going back. When I was younger my brother was in a car accident at his one intersection. After that, no one in my family drove through it, but my girlfriend ended up living right next to it and well...i had to drive through it to get to her house.
Someone has to make the first step. If you 17yr daughter wants to attend this school, she shouldn't feel bad in anyway when it comes to applying. Jackie needs to understand that what's done is done. If her sister wants to apply and attend, that's her decision. No one is going to look down apon her because she dropped out of it. No one is going to be comparing the two sisters when it comes to the college. It's time to move on and let the next one try her luck.
I'm guessing this is something that has already been discussed between the two parties, so I wouldn't suggest pushing the "talking" option.
2007-10-01 14:42:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should encourage your younger daughter to apply to the schools that she chooses, and not to worry about what her sister feels. College is too important to worry about what someone else feels because of their own experience.
Every college has different things to offer a student, and depending upon the field of study, one college might be perfect for one and not for another. The same thing is true for personality. One person might fit in perfect at a college, while another might not flourish or succeed at the same college. It is all very individual.
I think you should have a talk with Jackie, and explain what is going on with her younger sister. Talk to her about how important it is to her to apply to this school, and that she really would like to attend. Ask Jackie how she feels about this, and take her feelings "under advisement". But I will tell you that only a selfish, immature individual will make a huge deal over such a thing and wish to withhold such an opportunity from their sister. I hope that is not the case here.
Good luck.
2007-10-01 15:21:49 · answer #4 · answered by volleyballchick (cowards block) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let your 17 year old talk to Jackie about wanting to go there and see if Jackie may surprise you and be glad her sister wants to go to the same school, or she will find some reason that Jackie left that school after only one year. On the other hand, make sure that the 17 year old doesn't want to go there only because Jackie did not make it at that school.
2007-10-01 14:37:58 · answer #5 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
contemporary President of america, Republican, 2d technology of a so-referred to as "dynasty" Commander-in-chief of the army, military, Airforce, and Marines. chief of the Iraq-Afganistan Coalition. Landowner interior the State of Texas, former governer of the state, veteran of the Texas Air-national guard.
2016-12-17 14:41:51 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your daughter and yourself need to grow up..
life is life....
She chooses a school herself for the simple fact, BECAUSE she wants to go.. not because her sister went... and you should be making this clear to her
and another thing.... are they pregnant? because i think your in the wrong category...
2007-10-01 14:43:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe the tried is what's true
2007-10-01 14:34:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋