I think I'm being abused, but I don't know what kind or if I am, its not physical, I just need input...

Question

My mom likes to yell at me alot! I have two other sisters and she dosn't yell at either of them. She makes me do alot more chores, and I don't deserve it, yet she finds reasons for making me do it. Another thing is that my Parents are divorced and she has very hostile feelings toward him, and lucky me, I have his eyes. So, sometimes my mom gets really worked up about something he did or she gets really stressed out and starts yelling and blaming me. I'm 18 and I've been told hundreds of times " what the hell is wrong with you". I'm a really good kid, I go to school full time with a full ride scholarship. She actually recently got a Boyfriend and while I was in the hospital she called him and told him, but didn't call my own father, then she persisted to yell at me in the emergency room,calling me selfish, and saying I was ruining everything because I said something about the fact that she told her bf and not my father. the other day she told me that I was emotionally abusing her, Con't

after she told me that I was emotionally abusive, I asked why. She said its because I yell at her all the time. But thats only because I don't like to take the crap she says to me, so half the time its me defending myself the other half its me explaining myself. But her telling me that hurt, and she told me that I do it to everyone, but I don't.... I know I don't.... I'm one of those people that sits and thinks about what they are going to say before they even consider saying it, I'm constantly worrying about what I say and how it will be perceived.

This isn't new, Its been going on since I was young. so its not adult against adult, she has been treating me this way ever since my dad and her got the divorce.

Answer 1

sounds like you're the one being emotionally abused.
Let me just say though, how proud I am of you! You are in school full time and a scholarship! That's so fantastic! Keep your chin up and work hard, soon enough you will be able to move away from home, able to support yourself and create a life as you see fit. There is NOTHING wrong with you!
I am sorry to hear that your family has had to suffer the repurcussions of a divorce. My family recently started going through that and it hasn't been easy on any of us kids. However, I like to look at it like it's life experience. There is something that you can take from all of your mother's hostility and use in your own life. As negative as it seems, there is some positive in it. Perhaps you will never treat your own kids like this because you will have experienced it first hand.
Have you tried to sit down with you mom and talk about some of this? You may want to try and get her to go out somewhere public (which will actually reduce the chances of her spazzing at you). Just say "mom, I'm sorry you've had to suffer so much and I'm sorry that you are not happy but you are really hurting me. I want a good relationship with you, after all you are my mother. Some things just need to change between us and I'd like to talk about some of those changes."
Level with her about how you are feeling, explain to her how you feel it's affecting you and discuss how you can change it.
I wish you the best of luck!!!

Answer 2

Sweety you need to keep clear of your Mom for awhile. Are you close to your Dad? Let him know what's happening if you are. I know it's hard cuz even if she treats you like she has you still love her and are giving her the benifit of the doubt but now it's time to stand on your own because you are being verbally abused. This has got to be taking a toll on you and you don't need it because you are 18, in college,you have a full ride which means you must be a good student and you don't need her to be putting you down because pretty soon it will be affecting your performance in school. There's something you have to do though-the next time she does this to you walk away, say nothing, because if you do it will lead into a shouting match and will go nowhere except to give her something to use against you. Check with the college you are going to and see if there is some sort of counseling you can check in to. You really need the perspective of a professional. Take care of first and foremost yourself. Keep a head on your shoulders and worry about your future plans to help make you a better person than she is.

Answer 3

As we grow up, be us parents or children, it seems we tend to forget the main issues right in front of us. We are growing up, not just the young ones but the older ones, too.
What happens in EVERY household or family is that as children grow they are becoming adults. Many parents have a hard time with their children making a life for themselves and resist the changes. This creates conflict. Outside influences like divorce or other emotional trauma can cloud the issue and escalate the level of the conflicts.
We must remember that when we mature their comes a time when too many ADULTS are living too close to each other. One group (parents) have the right to control their house, making and enforcing the rules. Those rules don't always sit well with the new adults in the house. They are ready to make their own way and they need to create their own life, home, environment.
When my father and I lived together we wanted to kill each other. Three years after I got my own place, we were best friends. The abuse, if you choose to define it that way, was mutual. My actions and words were just as abusive to him as his seemed to me.
Something to think about.

Answer 4

its verbal abuse hon. Get away. she may be pissed once you leave thats probably be because she wants someone to yell at shes taking the divorce out on you. If you dont have anywhere to go than ask your dad if you can move in your 18 so she cant do anything about it. As well just keep a eye out on your siblings afterwards though cause she may start taking her anger out on them when you move out.

Answer 5

Your Mom is really bitter. She shouldn't be taking it out on you, but you sound smart, so you already know it's NOT your fault. If you can get into a dorm, I'd do it. Hopefully someday she will wake and have the decency to apologize, but don't count on it, because she needs help to realize she's wrong.

If you need alittle help to get into an apt or dorm, maybe your Dad would give you alittle assistance.

Answer 6

Can you live with your dad for a little while? I think it would be best if you could get out of your mom's house for awhile, maybe forever. She doesn't sound like a very stable person and it sounds like she needs some conseling. It sounds like she is dealing with some things that she doesn't know how to handle so she takes them out on you. Try to find another place to stay so you don't have to be around that.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are being emotionally abused. Best situation is to get away from your mom. Sometimes that changes things for the better.

How about moving in with your dad?

Answer 8

Get away from her. If you have a full ride, move out and stay in the dorms or get an apartment. Yes, you are being abused. Not in a legal sense, but that is abuse. Get out now.

Answer 9

Yes. This IS abuse of the psychological kind, which is just as bad as any other kind of abuse. The sooner you can get out of there the better. Your mother seems to be in VERY SERIOUS need of help from a mental health professional.

Answer 10

You're 18 so move out ASAP. If you can't afford it by yourself then get a roommate. No one deserves to be treated like that. Good luck.