I am amazed by the amount of answers justifying brides' nasty behavior by saying "it's her day." Just because it's her wedding day, does not give her the right to treat family and friends with such total disregard to their feelings. Yes, within limits, she can make the choices about her wedding. But she should not blatantly ignore the feelings of and alienate loved ones for her own selfish whims.
I know I'm gonna get a lot of flak for this question. Bring it on!
2007-10-01 11:01:35 · 29 answers · asked by ds37x 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
For the few of you who think this questions has something to do with my own personal experience: Nope. Not at all. I've been very fortunate in the weddings I have been involved with. Always wonderful friends and family who treat loved ones with respect and consideration. And I was the bride 23 years ago. The help and input from my friends and family were extremely valuable. It's just a question based on all the answers that are posted on Yahoo! Answers with so many people responding (no regard to who or how it hurts) "it's your day, do what you want." I also don't buy all that "it's a stressful time." That is no excuse for trampling the feelings of others.
2007-10-01 14:30:28 · update #1
I'm totally with you. I wish I had a dollar for every time I've typed "Advice along the lines of 'It's YOUR day and you should have everything YOUR way' should be ignored. Your responsibilties to family members, wedding party members, and your guest should far outweigh any desire to wallow in self indulgence."
2007-10-01 11:09:40 · answer #1 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You're lucky that you had a family and friends who were supportive of you. Not everyone has that. Some families create drama, stress and make unrealistic expectations of the bride. I think your perception is skewed due to your personal experience but there is some truth to it.
The bridezilla type shown on television is what you're thinking of. And you know what? Selfish people make selfish brides. When someone gets engaged their integrity and maturity doesn't shift overnight because of the ring on the finger. It's bringing something out that already exists within the person.
On the other hand some brides are in the opposite end of the spectrum and they try to please everyone around them. Some change their wedding date 5x consecutively to please in-laws, others allow themselves to be manipulated into inviting way more guests then their budget allows -- it's for these brides that the phrase "it's your day" is geared towards. Not the selfish dictator types because let's face it ... those women don't have a problem getting what they want anyway. It's never okay to behave in a disrespectful or nasty way. You need to make the distinction between the title of bride and the actual person.
2007-10-01 17:39:54 · answer #2 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I an kinda torn right now because i am a bride right now trying to plan a wedding and it is not easy.Some one will always have some thing to say about any decision you make.I don't like this dress .no i wont ware flats. etc ext.
But there are women and some men who go to far. If you watch the show bridzillas then you know . But also you can only take some much then you blow up. A bride had a picture in her head of what her day will be like .When you start changing it hurts.
Now somethings the bride and groom do have control.
Where it is held
What the bridal party wears
flowers
cake
food etc
Now a bride has gone to far if she is trying to control
What color your hair is
how much your weight is
etc.
There are something that are just a given and they show respect
covering tattoos
shaving your legs and arm pits
making sure to have your hair done and do make up (Pictures last forever)
2007-10-01 13:18:55 · answer #3 · answered by movievixin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's posts about selfish, perfection-demanding, over-zealous, and cruel brides that make me thankful I eloped.
I know it's their wedding day but it's also the groom's wedding day. And trampling all over everyone emotionally or expecting people to cater to one's demands is just weak. I understand wanting everything to go off without a hitch but reality dictates otherwise. If some of these brides let go of perfection and went with the flow they'd be much happier and less stressed.
If your wedding is causing too much stress and forcing you to become a witch with a capital B, then you need to cut back and re-prioritize.
My husband and I got married in Las Vegas where we live this past weekend. Although we were scheduled for 6:45 p.m., we didn't even get into the chapel until 7:20. In the end, it was perfect for US. I cared more that I was finally married to him than how things went.
Perhaps the Bridezillas can learn a lesson or two from those of us who eloped. Much calmer, virtually no stress, and fun besides.
2007-10-01 11:36:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ah yes, the bridzilias. It is so sad to see brides take this wonderful time of love and change it into a nightmare! Nightmares from the Altar would be a good book title. I have seen many many families torn apart due to a brides demands. It is never in good manners, taste, or call it what you may to take this day and change it into a complete show. I've done hundrends of wedding, my fav's are the simple, sweet, unasuming full of love, park or back yard weddings. It seems that the more expensive the wedding, the worse the stress, behavor, self centered the bride can be. One wedding was to include the Rose Ceremony, however the bride was more intrested in getting to the reception than getting married! She did not order roses for this element of her ceremony. Come time for the Rose Ceremony, there were no roses she wispered to skip it.....nope I had them pull a rose from the arangements on the altar and continued the ceremony. After wards, her mother in tears....thanked me for "forcing" my self upon them. lol no forcing needed, it was a request from her great grandmother to somehow include it, the bride had no idea. Beautiful ceremony, very selfish bride.
Brides need to come back to reality, yes it is their day.....but they need to remember that the very people they are hurting are the ones who brought them into this world, friends who have carried her through all sorts of lifes troubles. Friends and family are the foundation of life, more so in marraige, to alienate any of these is a great mistake that can take a lifetime to repair. Chaplain Debby
2007-10-01 20:06:10 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People that justify plain selfish, rude and immature behavior with a "it's your day" remake, are immature themselves.
Unfortunately, that psychotic behaviors have been glamorized on TV with shows as bridezilla, platinum weddings etc. giving bride-to-be even more encouragement to be self indulgent brats.
The truth is that a wedding is everything but about the bride and groom, it's an opportunity to show all of your friends and family what you are made of and to show your manners and courtesy to all people that you know.
It's easy to be obnoxious to others, but it's of a few to be a real lady.
Good luck
2007-10-02 02:34:10 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to give you "flack" where would you get that idea? All I wanted to say is that I think this is stemming from something non-related to posts on a website. I think maybe it has something to do with a situation more personal to you. You sound very mad and bitter and I'm not sure why but you must have a good reason. I'm a bride, I put my foot down when it comes to what I want in my wedding. It is my day and I wont let anyone else tell me I have to do things their way but I would never let it get to the point that I hurt the ones I loved. Certain instances like a MOTB wearing all white to the wedding I would tell her "no" it isn't to be mean it's how things are done when it comes to these things. However I've been working for 4 months now on BM dresses and none of my BM's agree on one so I haven't picked one out yet because I want them to feel good about the way they look in it and be happy.
I understand sometimes brides can seem like totally different people. Especially when it gets super close to the date but you also have to consider that the bride is very stressed out. She has more on her plate at that moment than anyone who hasn't gone through that can imagine. So if you know a bride who's been mean. I'd just try to keep in mind the stress on her right now. Take her somewhere relaxing so she can take a break from it all...then IF you have something to talk to her about she wont feel like shes being attacked. This is all assuming that you've had problems with a fussy bride. I hope one day you're the bride you want to be...Good luck!
2007-10-01 11:25:36 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. B <3 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
It has never, ever been ok for brides or grooms to be selfish dictators, ever, that is just rude. Yes the family should be taken into consideration, yes other people's feelings should be taken into consideration. There is a polite way of not accepting people's advise, there is never any reason to be rude about it. If someone suggested something that we did not want for our wedding we thanked them for their advise, said we would consider it and if we didn't want to use their idea then we just didn't use it, we never insulted people or were rude to them. It is ultimately the bride and grooms choice in how their day goes, especially if they are paying for it, but I firmly believe that they should deal with this in an orderly and mannerly way
2007-10-01 21:13:39 · answer #8 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The other day, someone was asking if it was okay if:
*she had a Chinese buffet
*carrot cake
*certain colors
The response was of course, "it's your day, do what you want." Usually that chorus is in response to the bride doing something that doesn't hurt anyone: should she wear a veil, a full-length gown to her second wedding, etc.
When brides around here want to commit social faux pas' such as asking for money in the invitations, people around here come down on them like a ton of bricks. And when brides expect parents to pay for their wedding, people around here shoot down their sense of entitlement and tell them to pay for it themselves.
Some things are on the border: Should she have her sibling in the bridal party, complete say over the bridesmaids dresses, etc? That answer could go either way: the bride has the right to total say in these things, but it's diplomatic to factor in the wishes of others to a degree.
2007-10-01 11:39:34 · answer #9 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Mother Culture has pretty much ruined weddings. Parents pretty much have ruined their darling daughters. Let's face it, a lot of moms are really vicariously doing " Their wedding".
I think it's ridiculous to spend 25-50 thousand for a wedding. I have seen plenty of marriages done and over with before Dad has finished paying off the wedding bills.
Guess I am old fashioned but no one has a "right" to have a huge expensive wedding.They also don't have a right to act like a spoiled selfish child on their " big day".
2007-10-01 21:26:36 · answer #10 · answered by Ret. Sgt. 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree. They only get away with it because the people around them allow it. I was at my nephew's wedding over the weekend. Several of my family (about 30 of us) drove 11 hours, some flew, everyone took off work to be there the day before, paid for a room, etc, etc...which we didn't mind at all. We wanted to be there for him and my sister and his new bride...until she acted like a total *****...she actually "SHUSHED!" us! my siblings and cousins, when we were laughing and trying to have a good time at the wedding that SHE made unbearable for everyone. She was so unreasonable no one helped her get dressed before the wedding! She never acknowledged us or the fact that we came all that way or that my SISTER paid for her wedding because her parents' refused! She didn't come to the tables and make the "rounds" either! To top things off, 50 of HER relatives who RSVPd "yes" didn't show! My sister had to pay for them anyway, of course. I'm not talking a rinky dink reception...it was held at a beautiful hotel...
My poor nephew...(although I blame him for not standing up to her... )
Love is blind, but not deaf and dumb!
I say put an end to the bridezilla era!
2007-10-01 13:40:51 · answer #11 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋