Ive been saving for a house for about 4 years. I met her and we decide to get married. She does not want to live in a house I want because her kids will have to change schools and she says its a crappy neighbor hood.. I dont see a problem with that since they are not passing the majority of their subjects. About 1 year ago she recieved several thousand$. I said " hey if you really want to get a house try saving some of that and ill come up with the other half. Well she doubled in salary since then and spent all she had on nothing. She is not willing to sacrafice having the best cable , constantly eating out, etc,etc,etc. to save a few bucks. she says "i want to to spend $180 on my cell bill if i want. BY the way the house is a 3 bdrm 2 full bath, .25 acre that needs minor repair. I can definitely afford this house its about $90,000 less than other homes ive looked at. An i anticipate maybe spending anothe 5000 to get it goin good. I just need some advice
2007-10-01 11:00:25 · 10 answers · asked by JACK C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
iI suppose I should mention I do live on my own and have my own bills, pay for my own food pay for my own house, my cars . I am very independent. not to mention i help her with other bills. The schools are better, there is less crime.
2007-10-01 11:28:29 · update #1
By the way Had nothing to do with spending her money
2007-10-01 11:30:23 · update #2
I dont think you should be maryying this woman, But thats just my opinion.
2007-10-01 13:13:50 · answer #1 · answered by Ethan's Mama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At only a year, I wasn't ready to get married either- even if I had been pregnant. I do not believe in getting married just because of the baby- leads to bad relationships and divorce. I would stick with the course just as if the baby was not coming when it comes to the two of you. How are you confused by this being the 3'rd time this year you've been pregnant? After the first time you should have used some protection (and don't give me the Catholic line- most do use BC or condoms now). You were trying to get pregnant to trap him- and it didn't work. The funny thing is we can all tell you what we think and in the end, you will do what you want. I hope all works out well for the three of you.
2016-05-18 04:51:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but I think your in the wrong here. Moving her children's school IS a very big deal, even if they aren't doing well. Also, it seems like the neighborhood is "run-down", she may be afraid that her children will make the wrong sort of friends. These are not things you can just dismiss
I also have a hard time believing that you didn't go out to eat with her, or watch the cable, etc, etc, etc. I'm pretty sure you had something to do with the spending of that money.
This is not the house for you just because you can afford it. If your wife doesn't like it, and isn't happy, then this isn't it. You have to find a home you can compromise on.
2007-10-01 11:24:26 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Please, don't think I'm criticizing. I'm just in a thinking mood tonight...I think the two of you need to sit down, with a neutral party, if necessary (i.e. minister, financial planner, marriage counselor), and come up with a plan. You will need to decide together where you will live, thereby deciding what school her kids go to. Depending on the age of the kids, it can be incredibly traumatic to change schools. You'll also need to compromise on the type of cable, are you going to consolidate cell phone accounts into a 'family plan', etc.
The two of you have some big decisions to make, and I'd recommend not waiting until after you're married. You may decide the one or both of you is too inflexible to actually get married.
2007-10-01 13:45:38 · answer #4 · answered by Asked and Answered 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not to burst your bubble but this is a huge red flag. Money is one of the top causes of divorce. And if she isn't willing to compromise on her lifestyle choices to build your future together -- this suggests a very tumultuous marital relationship with much of your conflicts likely due to finances.
The second red flag that shows another important difference in your priorities is the fact you're willing to put her kids in a school district that is in a bad neighborhood. I'm sorry but even if her children aren't that academically bright -- a child's future is way more important than a house. I would feel that way about my children.
Premarital counseling, as others have stated, is much needed here.
2007-10-01 17:54:36 · answer #5 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You think it's okay to move her kids into a bad school district (for any reason)? Sorry, but it is in the children's best interest to be in a good school.
And she thinks it's okay to squander money and not save.
I don't think you guys are compatible. You're not adequately taking the kids' needs into account. And she does not handle money appropriately and does not want to change. That should be a dealbreaker, even if you were factoring in the kids' needs.
2007-10-01 11:48:22 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um, my advice is to NEVER marry a person unwilling to compromise.
Also it doesn't sound like you really care about her kids, either. Perhaps marriage would be the worst thing for the two of you. Buy yourself the house (you obviously want it) and look for a more compatable mate.
2007-10-05 10:30:23 · answer #7 · answered by chaosfrog81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First things first, you need to put her kids first too. What's best for them is best for you and your future wife. Don't go putting them down. There are many other houses to buy but it needs to meet everybodys needs and make sure it's in a good school district.
2007-10-01 11:17:30 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if she isn't going to move there, and you're going to marry her, that isn't the house for you. It sounds as if she's very selfish, from the way you describe her. Also, dismissing her children the way you did isn't very good, either.
2007-10-01 11:06:28 · answer #9 · answered by melouofs 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Premarital counseling sounds appropriate here. If you are already having this many problems, well, maybe she is not the one for you.
2007-10-01 11:35:29 · answer #10 · answered by brwneyes 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋