Every time I meet a potential suitor, I am asked the following question: "Why is a woman like yourself single?" Then they like to ask questions about the last relationship I've been in.
It makes me very uncomfortable because I've been single for almost 5 years. On the surface, it appears that I have it going on: graduate school degree, attractive, independent 20-something woman. It becomes a huge turn-off if I admit that I have been alone for that period of time as if something must be wrong with me. It hurts a lot because I've had my own struggles, tried to overcome them without the pressures of a relationship and I would like to find the right man for me. However, I feel that this is one of the problems keeping me back. The longer I am single, the more likely I think I will become an old maid.
What can I do to diffuse these kind of questions about my relationship past?
2007-10-01 10:24:38 · 11 answers · asked by Fly girl 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are not obligated to tell anyone everything! Be coy and mysterious telling them only the bare minimum of information leaving some things to their imagination. Only let them know what you want them to know and keep the rest to yourself. As far as having been alone for those 5 years, I would play that off as being busy with your career and having a strong independent side to you. I find it smart that you are able to get along so well in your 20's without thinking you had to have a man. No doubt you have been more able to do some of the things you really wanted to do in life and without having to deal with the "restrictions" some overbearing mate would have implemented upon you otherwise. Why worry about a life-long connection at this point in your life anyhow? There will be plenty of time for that after you have spent more of your own quality time following your dreams and finding adventures that fulfill your dreams. Enjoy all of this because often, a relationship will put a stop to you having that much fun with living your own life. Do everything else you want to do in this life first, then perhaps you will find time to worry about getting serious with a life's mate. Otherwise, you may find you feel that life slipped away while you were busy serving others and that you wish you had spent more time taking care of yourself. Keep you chin up girlfriend! You are a long way from being an old spinster! Live your life to the fullest while you can!
2007-10-01 11:35:20 · answer #1 · answered by froggsfriend 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just say that you've been focused on your education and getting your career started and didn't want to have to choose between a relationship and getting started on your career path. Now that your professional life has settled down, you've got more time to devote to a relationship.
I doubt anyone is turned off by you being w/o relationship for the last 5 years. You just haven't found the right suitor yet.
2007-10-01 17:35:21 · answer #2 · answered by Fester Frump 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im alot like you. Ive been single for the past 6 years by choice. Ive dated, but nothing serious at all.
I make it a rule that when a woman brings up my prior relationships right off the bat, I end the dating process right there. That tells me she either wants to see if im hateful or still stuck in love instead of just figuring it out on her own.
2007-10-01 17:29:57 · answer #3 · answered by Rick R , Super Duper Samurai 侍 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that your past is your past, private and all and that you want to move forward. You are unable to move forward because you allow the suitor to question you on a very vulnerable matter. If they are interested down the road you can then answer them. Until then, tell them if they really want to know about your past that the present and future need attention first and then the past will come out to play.
2007-10-02 14:41:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say: "I have not been in a serious relationship for the past few years because I have been working on becoming the person I wanted to be. Now that I am in a place where I am comfortable with myself, I am ready to be in a committed relationship."
2007-10-01 17:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by astralpen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best policy is to be truthful, without divulging too much information.
Just admit that you had a very bad relationship several years ago and you chose to concentrate on your education and career. continue by saying that you don't feel comfortable discussing it at this point. Tell him that through achieving your goals, you have moved on in life and are ready to find someone special.
Any guy who really is interested in you for more than sex would be considerate of your feelings at this point and wait till you become much closer before inquiring in to your difficult past.
Rememeber though, once you find that special person you become close to, you will owe it to them to tell about your past if you reach the point of engagement and/or living together.
Good Luck :-)
2007-10-01 18:13:12 · answer #6 · answered by Captain Jack ® 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be honest, but honest in a way that gives the amount of information he disserves. Sounds like you spent a lot of time focusing on your career and education how about telling him that you haven't dated in a while because you focused on your education. Hell what I would do t meet someone who is educated rather then the painfully ignorant woman that seem to be in my track record, I personally hate feeling like a know it all just because the girl is a know it nothing.
2007-10-01 17:31:30 · answer #7 · answered by silencetheevil8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confidence my love. You will find someone. Don't let it get to you. I been single for years, but that's because no one I have met meets my standards. Read my profile. Maybe I'm the suitor your looking for. Lol.
NYPR69
2007-10-01 17:35:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your name implies that you are DELICIOUS.
find a pleasant answer like, i was busy doing....
or , i dont know ....
give such answers and dont be embarrassed .
this attitude will make a potential suitor move on from questioning matters to enjoying your company.
2007-10-01 17:31:18 · answer #9 · answered by Moonrise 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm...that's strange. usually a good guy wants a girl who's not recently on the market because of drama and rebounds. maybe they're all jerks.
2007-10-01 17:29:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋