marijuana use what kind of parent does this make me ?

Question

I am a parent of three children two teenagers I have always used marijuana however i can no longer hide it from my children they can smell it my point is they know. I am now faced with my daughter using it i have grounded her and put her on drug testing what kind of parent smoke it but punishes her child for doing it . I have her in a program so she is tested often. I am soooooooo ashamed but at the same time it is a lifestyle choice that i made. i dont do this in front of them I give my whole life to my kids i am a good mom but i feel guilty as hell and my daughter says you do it mom what can i say except i do but you can"t .

Answer 1

Well, as for all these peoples who say you are a bad mom...thumbs down!! Just b/c you smoke or have smoked or continue to smoke does not mean you are a bad mother! Do you love your child unconditionally? Would you do anything for your children? Do you provide for them? Do they have your emotional support? That is being a good mom! Love your children and don't degrade them or make them feel less! That is a good mom!

I personally understand where you are coming from. I also understand where people are saying you are a hypocrite...well, you are. But, you know what...it could be worse. Your child could be going and sleeping around or she could addicted to some other type of drug. Have you ever done any other type of "drug". Sorry if I use it in quotes, but, I don't believe pot is a drug. Crack is a drug, coke is a drug, alcohol, nicotine....pot is an herb. It's a natural grown weed. Anyways, I want you to know that you are not a bad mother. Sit and talk to your daughter and tell her why you do it (relax, habit, whatever) and explain to her why you shouldn't of started and why you don't want her to do what you have done. You will not stop your child from doing something. When they are that age and you try to take something away that is only gonna make them want it more. Be open and honest with her and let her be the same with you. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 2

Hi. It's obvious that you're going through a difficult time right now, and all I can tell you is to keep holding on.

Look, addiction is addiction. It is very hard to come out of a habitual usage of marijuana, but you really need to do it. Think of your children right now, how are they feeling?

I am thirteen, and I know I would feel horrible if my mother felt the need to use marijuana. I would feel like it was somehow my fault and that she needed to escape from the world because the one I was giving her wasn't good enough.

And your daughter is right. There is no logical reason for you to tell your daughter to quit if you do not do it yourself. Think about this: why do you want her to quit? The answer is; because it is bad, and it is habit-forming, and you do not want her to be in the same situation as you are right now when she gets older. However, by doing drugs yourself, that is precisely what you are encouraging. You know that drugs are bad for you, and you don't need anyone to preach to you about that. You know your right from wrong, now the next step is to put that into action.

I know that the quitting process will be TOUGH. But the best things come from hard work.

If anything, think of your children right now. Your daughter is a TEENAGER and she is on drug testing because she followed your lead. You need to step back and analyze the effect you are having on your children. How would you feel if your mother did drugs?

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can tell her that will convince her to stop. The only thing you can do is quit yourself.

You are not a horrible mother, you just made some bad choices, but these are FIXABLE. It is never too late to turn your life around. All you need is the proper love, support, and help from the people around you.

Obviously you care about your children or you wouldn't be asking this question. So if you care enough to ask for help, start caring enough to quit doing drugs.

It will be one of the hardest things you ever have to do, and it will have the most rewarding result.

Stay strong,
I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

We'll if you want to get the most insane feeling of your life some it out of a bong. It's a lot smoother so you won't cough as much and the feeling is crazy compared to a joint or pipe. When you do it make sure you are with some friends, got some good munchies, got some netflix, and a comfortable spot and it's literally the best thing in the world. I earn you when you do it you will feel really weird like out of this world. You feel tall and when I was watching a movie you basically laugh at everything. Me and my friend always get the same feeling. When we are watching a movie we both thought for sure we have saw that movie before and we thought we new what was going to happen next but the next day I watched it again and it was totally different. When your high it feels so much more fun. If your not panicking ( trust me don't i did the first time and freaked out) it's the best thing in the world.

Answer 4

Well your on the right track. Children do what they learn. you need to make a deal with your daughter. ok Ill stop if you will. put it in writing and both of you sign it. Your right in saying that you do it isnt right. thats just being a hypocrite. It will be hard to quit if its become a way of life for you. I dont smoke pot ecause I dont like the way it makes me feel but Ive had friends who do and it does controll their lives. ohhh when can I get away from my kids so I can get high. sneaking into a back room while your children are in the front room watching tv. Quite honestly, they have probably known youve done it for a long time. both my ex husband and my husband smoked. I honestly dont see why anyone would want to sit in a daze and smile all the time weather they were happy or not. good luck and I really hope you can make a new life choice to stop getting stoned.

Answer 5

You have absolutely no credibility for telling your kids not to use marijuana. If you were attending drug counseling yourself or trying to give it up, then maybe you would have a leg to stand on.

At this point you are nothing but a hypocrite. Grounding your daughter and putting her on drug testing when you are still actively using leaves you with zero credibility and will ultimately harm your efforts to be a parent in other areas.

You either need to give up pot and set a drug free example for your kids, or accept the fact they may choose the same lifestyle you have chosen.

Answer 6

You can't be a hypocrite.

Personally, I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't want someone else to do. And I wouldn't ask anyone to do something i wouldn't. Because of this philosphy of mine, it has been years since I have gambled, drank alcohol, smoked, or done any illegal drugs. I figured if I didn't want any kids of mine to do it, little cousins, or nieces and nephews, then I would have to not do these things as well.

If you are going to smoke marijauna, how can you tell your children not to? Don't expect them not to do it, if you yourself are going to do it. it makes no sense at all to get mad at them for the very same things you do.

I know a few alcoholics and I have asked them, why do you drink so much? Some of them have told me, "cause as a kid I used to watch my parents party and get drunk all the time."

So you can either contribute to the cycle, or end it with you. Kids are a product of their environment.

Answer 7

It is not your job to base your expectation of your children based on what you do in your adult life. If these are the expectations you hold for your daughter while she is a child then that is exactly what you need to reinforce. I do not think that it should be any of her business what you do...YOU are the adult...she is a CHILD....it is your job to see that she makes it to adulthood responsibly and well functioning.
You may want to consider the role your personal choices have played in her eyes...but don't back down now.........you need to stand tall!!!!!
I do believe that if you want to make a true impact on your child.....then you should attempt to quit smoking pot yourself....this way she can see that there is another way to entertain herself. Drugs and the acceptance of drug use , no matter how large or small will always impact your children....so re-think your current choices and you may want ot reconsider. But still do not back down.....I know you want what is best for her and that is why you need to stand tall

Answer 8

when i was 15 (i'm 26 now) my boyfriend smoked pot a lot- he had been doing it since he was 13. he found his parent's stash one day. anyhow they did not know that he smoked and he did not know that they smoked. it was actually kinda funny. they had told me that they wanted him to smoke for the first time when he was 18 and they wanted him to do it with them. of course it was a little late for that...

at some point during my college years, my dad found out that i was smoking pot. i thought he was going to rip my head off, but instead all he said was, "don't get caught - it can ruin your life" he is a cigarette smoker and i think he realized that although not illegal, it's no better for your health to smoke cigarettes.

you didn't say how old your daughter is, and i wouldn't recommend this if she's under 16, but maybe instead of having her drug tested and grounding her you could agree to only smoke together. that way you would know that she is smoking okay stuff - not mixed with anything else - and you won't have to worry about her doing it on her own or with not so good people. and also you don't have to worry about her getting caught by the police. last time i checked if you get arrested for it, you can be ineligible for financial aid for college. if smoking pot is something that she is going to do, the most important thing is for her to be responsible about it. eventually you're not going to have any control over if she smokes or not.

but i will say this. i have had quite a few friends that smoked with their parents, and they were generally a lot closer with their parents than lots of people.

by using the double standard that you can smoke and she can't, it seems very likely that you are damaging your relationship with her. she may not trust you as much, especially if you tell her you are quitting - she doesn't have the ability to make you get drug tested but you can have her tested.

BRING ON THE THUMBS DOWNS!

Answer 9

I have nothing to say as everyone here has terrific answers. So my suggestion read them over and over until it really sticks, and get yourself some help also. Your children are a lifestyle choice you need them more than marijuana don't you????

Answer 10

She's right and you've been a crummy role model to your kids.

What can you expect from your daughter? She grew up in your "lifestyle."

You are NOT a good mom. Good moms don't show their kids how to get started with drugs. Good moms don't let their kids see them high. Cigarettes is a bad role model, but they don't lead to the big things--bigger, wilder, higher drugs that will destroy your daughter's life. Tell me, where will your daughter get money to pay for her crack habit?

If you love your kids like you say you do, you'll quit the weed, and make a pact with your daughter to quit the weed with you. Go to the dr. for medical assistance if necessary. But if you want your kids to be healthy, well-adjusted adults, you have to quit this, and quit it now.

TX Mom
not an expert