Hi I am seeking your guidance :) About a month or so ago my older sister confided in me that she had an affair. My sister and I have always been close, so it shocked me that I had no clue this was going on. She has been married to her 'high school sweetheart' for 7 years, and with him for 11 years and they share a beautiful girl together.I have no clue of what to do with this information.
Recently my brother-in-law helped me move into my new apartment. I just found out this morning that he found my journal
and proceeded to read it. Well long story short he knows.
My sister called me this morning crying, and explained how he found out. I cannot help but feel so angry, upset, confused, and nervous for what is about to happen.
I have a feeling that my parents will take this news just as hard, as they love my brother-in-law. I honestly do not know what to do. If I should tell my Mom what I know now before she finds out how he found out, or wait it out.
Any advice?
2007-10-01 10:07:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Keep quiet. If your parents find out, then you can counsel them. Unless, of course, your sister wants you to be the one to tell them.
You did nothing wrong. Your sister asked you to keep a secret, and you did. Your bil violated your privacy by reading your journal. That was his bad, not yours.
Take care.
TX Mom
2007-10-06 07:58:47 · answer #1 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my friend this is a hard situation!!! Like 9 months a go I was cut in the middle of almost the same situation, I had to much information about my sister in law and I did not what to do if tell or just wait, you know what, I waited and everything went out of the shadow, she confesses everything. Than, I decided to talk what I new to my brother in law. They broke up for like 7 month, a lot of stuff happened but, to make this story short, he forgave her and they are back together. Listen try not to get cut in the middle, because they might go back together and you will be a side. Tell your parents, is not your fault. But again, be careful they are a couple and you never know. Remember when in a couple are 3 involve one of them is to much...
2007-10-01 17:24:22 · answer #2 · answered by zulybeth v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Secrets are often bound to be unraveled one way or another. I am sure that personal journal was not intended for your brother-in-law so its not your fault he found out about your sister's extra marital affair. It is understandable that you feel upset, confused, nervous (maybe some guilt) but you just have to help the couple resolve this issue. Do tell your mom what you know so she can also help in resolving this issue. I am sure your sister is devastated BUT she has to accept the consequences of what she did. The skeleton is out in the closet and you can not change what has already happened.
I am sure you sympathize with both your sister and brother-in-law. Let them talk this over as husband and wife....if they ask help from you/your mom/your family then do interfere in a good way. What your bro-in-law needs right now is some assurances that the whole family does not tolerate infidelity and that you are unhappy with what your sister did.
Let them both understand that this is all in the past and that your sister has to ask forgiveness from her husband. I am sure neither your bro-in-law nor your mom can condemn you for not telling - its just but normal that your loyalty is with your sister.
But I would suggest you make an extra effort to make amends with your bro-in-law. He doesn't deserve this and I believe you owe him an apology.
2007-10-08 08:48:01 · answer #3 · answered by addicted too 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ahhh sweety how i am sooo sorry that you have to go through this. family members just don't see in the moment how certain wrong decissions can end up hurting and possibly to tear down a family.
i think the best thing you can do is stay out of it. i know that she's your sister. but, no matter what you can't help her now. she made her bed and now she must lie in it.
if she comes to for consolling give it to her. she is your sister always. but, you your self can not take on the burden that is not yours.
you love your sister i can tell. but, does she return that sisterly love. i think she does. so i think that she wouldnt want to harm you by putting her burdens on you breaking you down.
now that the husband knows and you love them both. try not to sway to one side. just be nutral.
your sisters husband might forgive his wife. but, i really believe that if you and your mom and everyone gets in the mix it can cause more harm then good.
thought she is your sister. her husband is her family. she and he are going to have to work this out. it's not an extended family problem'
so just be there for her and support her. if she asks for your advice tell her that you love her very much. but, don't codle her by saying it's all his fault or "oh, no sis you did noting wrong. you were feeling lonely so you had no other recoarses. that sounds like hob wash but sisters will say what ever they have to to make each other happy.
you will be doing her a favor by telling her that she was messed up for doing this. but, at the same time just stay detached. only give oppinions if asked. and answer in a kind not accusatory way.
well good luck
2007-10-09 03:29:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, your brother-in-law is wrong, and nosy. He should never have read your journal. That said, he did, and found out. There is a reason this happened, and personally I believe he was already knowledgeable of the situation. The real dilemma is that your sister is now in the position to blame you for her actions, which is unfortunate. Mend the relationship with her, and forget the rest.
2007-10-08 13:58:09 · answer #5 · answered by R. W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is up to your sister and brother-in-law to break the news to your parents if they want to.
I have a suspicion that he knew something was going on. Why else read your diary. That was an invasion of privacy.
They have to work it out. You can be there for them but don't interfere. Your parents will find out if your sister want them to.
2007-10-07 23:41:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now that it had happened and found out,what both of you should do is honest and talk with this man. I heard of a story like yours.It caused a terrible result.So you should think and handle it seriously. Let your sister bag his husband's forgiveness and do as a wife do.
2007-10-08 21:28:24 · answer #7 · answered by Jason w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't do anything, this isn't your news to tell. I'm sorry that they found out through you (in a roundabout fashion) but you don't need to feel obligated to tell anyone.
They both went where they should not have gone . . .
I'm sorry that you got caught up in the midst of it!
2007-10-01 17:12:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes....butt out completely!!!!! This is your sister's problem and she should handle it herself. Let her!!!! If you get involved any further, trust me-she'll blame you for something and it will all come back on you. So stay out.
2007-10-01 17:15:07 · answer #9 · answered by Barbie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of it you dont want to be in the middle!
2007-10-09 16:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by Cassie O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋