I know that this is entirely dependent on my fiance and I and our relationship, but I figured I'd just see what people thought (that plus I've hit my limit for answers for today). My fiance and I are in our mid to late 20's, stable promising careers, and both know that we would like a family. How long after our wedding before we start a family? Do we spend some time being newlyweds, or proceed towards parenthood at the honeymoon? How long after the first til the second?
2007-10-01 09:26:25 · 18 answers · asked by ZombieExpert 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Also, which comes first, baby or a new house? We already live together in a mid sized apt and both own investment properties, but are also thinking of getting a 4 BR house in the suburbs.
2007-10-01 10:00:49 · update #1
It depends how long you have been together and if you want to have some honeymoon time for yourself.. My husband and I got married just short of 5 months of being together, have been married for almost a year and a half now and I am 5 1/2 months pregnant with our first. We just needed some time for us getting settled together and work towards a more stable future for our family. We want our second child relatively close to the first one, probably around 2 years apart, just because this arrangement would be best for our situation. We don't have a house yet but are going to buy one when we relocate in May..
Again, it completely depends on how you feel about it and what your plans for the future are; how many kids you want, how far you want to proceed in your careers, are you thinking about relocation, etc... The way we planned our family is just the best solution for us..
2007-10-01 10:45:56 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup, that's right, it depends on you entirely. Just as an example, my parents dated 2.5 months before they got married, and they started "trying" for a baby after 6 months of being married; I was born 9 months later. I guess, they really wanted to have kids! I, however, feel that I can wait forever; I just don't have a desire to have children. I really enjoy the relationship my husband and I share, and I'm in no hurry to bring a screaming, demanding entity into it. Where I come from, people tend to have babies very shortly after marriage, almost right away (the mentality is that you get married to have a "family", so might as well start a.s.a.p.). Here in the US, the trend seems to be to wait at least a year or two. I think waiting is a great idea, but then I don't want to have kids to begin with. So it is really up to you guys.
2007-10-01 10:01:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every couple makes these unique decisions on their own terms. Do what is right for you.
What is hard to sometimes comprehend is when infertility hits, like in my case. We got married after 6 years of dating at age 26 & 27. We bought a house a year later. So we figured that it was time to start a family. Well, after 3 miscarriages, 3 years of trying, and infertility treatments, I finally became a mother just before my 32nd birthday. Did it work out as I planned?! NO! Just another perspective to think about. Everyone else was easily getting pregnant and having kids- why were we struggling?
But you do what feels right for you and your soon-to-be-wife.
2007-10-01 10:28:16 · answer #3 · answered by Sharon F 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think couples should wait at least 1 year before starting to try. Many of my friends were married in their 20's and all but one of them got divorced. They were sure it would last forever, but it didn't. Now they are remarried and so thankful they didn't have children with the first husband. Not to mention that you will never be alone again until you are in your 50's. Enjoy some time together as a couple getting your home together, traveling or whatever it is you love. We waited 5 years to have kids and don't regret it at all. In fact, I wish we had waited a little longer.
2007-10-01 09:43:11 · answer #4 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its worth it to spend some alone married time, enjoy the magic of being a newly wed, you can never get that time back and it really is amazing, even if you've lived together before you married, everything changes once those rings go on your fingers and you really get to know the person you have married in those first few years.
My mother always says that once you buy the house, the baby isnt far behind and only in one case in the people I know has that not been true. Get your house first. Speaking as a mom of 2, babies are EXPENISVE, get your living situation in order first, otherwise you are likely to never get the exact house you want because you will feel bad spending money on yourselves after the babies come.
2007-10-01 11:30:18 · answer #5 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Buy the house first and after you are settled in the house then you can start trying. I would say wait about 3 to 5 years after the wedding to start a family. You can get a room ready in the house when you feel like that you are ready to have a baby.
2007-10-01 10:16:13 · answer #6 · answered by Heidi T 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can answer this for you.
We're getting married in November and will be trying in July for our first child. We're in our 30s, have great jobs and are completely ready for parenthood. We have some friends who got pregnant on the honeymoon. Some regret not having that "newlywed" time and others love the fact that they're parents. So it's all up to you.
2007-10-01 09:42:13 · answer #7 · answered by Peace 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it is really up to you. But I would wait.
My fiance and I get married in 10 months. We just bought a house in the suburbs. We were on an emotional "high" when we got engaged and we decided to adopt 2 kittens. We then found out that we had no time to ourselves. The 3am fighting and 6 am meowing and scratching left us tired and frustrated. These are just Kittens. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if we had a child in the mix. Just wait. You will be happier.
2007-10-01 11:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by Bride2Be 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some people choose to have children straight away, others choose to wait a while, this is something you will need to discuss with your other half. I'd rather have a few years (at least 3-5 years) to spend time with my husband, travel a bit, have holidays, save money, buy a house before we consider family.
2007-10-01 22:54:26 · answer #9 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I dated for a year before we got engaged, and while I was planning our wedding earlier this year, I got pregnant. It was such a happy, but unexpected, surprise! We had always planned on starting our family right after we got married (it was something we talked about from the beginning). Many people will tell you to wait and enjoy each other, but depending on how long you've been together or even your own personal preference, starting a family right away can be a wonderful thing.
It really is up to you, but if it feels right, go for it! They say there is never the "perfect" time to have a baby...!
2007-10-01 09:41:58 · answer #10 · answered by Elle C 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋