Should both parents disciple their children? or Just the Father?

Question

My husband and I are taking care of his sister's (my sister-in-law) children while she is away for 5 months. We have no children ofour own. The children have different fathers. Each child of course have his own personality. It's been hard on us and the children. One requires a little more disciple then the others. (Her middle son went off on his teacher today because he could not do something he wanted to do) Should my husband be the only one disciplining him or should I also share in this responsibility. I feel because I am not their mother, my sister-in-law would have a problem with me disciplining her children. What should be done? Also what oter ways of disciple can you use. (he's had his game boy, the TV taken, staying in his room, standing in the corner, his favorite movie taken away, spanking) nothing bothers him. He is only five and he cares about nothing. His grandmother told me that even this summr he got angry while with her and he turned over a table. What can be done?

Answer 1

Maybe his own mother could consider taking some action to help him with whatever emotional problems he has.. because he has some!! It's obvious!

Meanwhile, it's your home, and you really should have a say in what goes on. Maybe you and your husband could get together and have a talk about it, and then tell the kids that they must abide by your rules, and you will both be looking after them.... they should not be able to walk all over you, no.

That poor little boy... i am sure you think it's a nightmare having him, and it does sound like it. You might ask him to sit down at the kitchen table and ask him if he knows why he acts out? Maybe he will tell you, or think about it? You could let him know he will have more privileges if he chooses to behave. I think he'd understand that.

And i hope his mother attends to his emotional needs when she comes back.. it's not fair for the kid to go around angry all the time... take care and good luck.

Answer 2

Since the children are with you both for 5 months, it will take the both of you to discipline this child. He needs to know that he will not get away with anything with either of you. It will take him some time to realize that when you say NO, you mean it. Taking away things that he likes is the best way to go. I would also make him apologize each time he misbehaves. Your sister-in-law left her children with you in your care and she should understand that they will be taught to obey. If she has a problem with this, she should not leave her children with other people. They are your responsibility right now. These kids may be used to getting their way with their mother, but the world does not work that way and they should learn it. Keep up the discipline, he will catch on sooner or later.

Answer 3

Both parents need to share in the dicipline and show that neither one of you is "meaner or nicer" than the other. You need to be a team. I don't think you should be spanking someone else's kids. That just seems wrong to me. Im all for spanking, but not when the butts aren't your own kids. Try a different strategy: Try having fun with the kids. Keep their minds and hands busy with fun activities. Make setting the table a game, cleaning up toys a race, etc. Reward them when they do something good, like saying please and thank you, etc. They have a lot of pent up anger about their mother being away Im sure, and they both have different dads, it doesn't seem like a good foundation for them. Get them laughing and having fun. They will then trust you and like you. You will be their friend. And eventually...they will open up to you. And you can be there to help. Good luck! They need you and your husband.

Answer 4

Because you also care for them, you must have some control and power. If you don't, you will be at an extreme disadvantage with the children.
I strongly suggest you watch Super Nanny or get her book. I would never spank my own children let alone someone Else's but positive reinforcement and time out really work and are the cornerstones of her teaching.
What ever you do, you both have to be consistent and back each other up and be active.

Answer 5

OK, lets examine this closely: To take care of your parents is a form of honor- this is the first of Gods promises that show a reward. The second verse, of Luke 14:26 shows that God wants a love for him thats so strong that the love you have for your family seems like hate. Now thats a very strong love For better understanding of the word of God? Take the verse you're interested in, and take the preceeding 4 verses and the following 4 verses or so, so that you DON'T take items out of their context. Also, use a modern translation- Jesus Christ never spoke english, he spoke Kone' (Pronouced "Coin-A") Greek- which roughly translates as "street greek". I would suggest using a New American bible, a New International Bible, or something similar. I would avoid the King James (The one you're using) because compaired to modern sources it has some errors in it. The "Living Bible" isn't a bible but a pharaprase- and a very poor one at that! Good Luck

Answer 6

Well, part of the problem is that he's living in an adult's home who's afraid to discipline him.

He's a child in your home and under your jurisdiction.

Yes, you need to discipline him.

He needs to obey the rules of your home.

Spanking is my least favorite of the things you mentioned. Keep reducing his privileges and freedom. Be consistent.

Since he seems to being dumped off on other relatives by his parents there may be other things going on, like major abandonment issues.

So, when he misbahaves, deal with it right away, firmly and consistently; when he doesn't, try to develop a relationship with him.

As much as possible, use natural consequences (he has to live with natural results of what's he's done, make it right, etc.) Where that's not appropriate, rather than jumping from punishment to punishment, try to be consistent.

Seek professional advice.

Answer 7

We don't believe in both parents because of the double jeopardy scenario. With us, it's either who is home at the time or it's based upon the severity of the incident. No need to get punished twice when one parent is just as capable. I say this because when we were kids our mother use to hit us in the head and face and then when our father returned he would march us to the basement and use a hose on us. Only the boys got this treatment, the girls were excluded always, simply because they were girls. That's what our mother says.
Needless to say, we don't spank. We have a much more productive form of punishment that is actually beneficial to our children and doesn't involve hitting.

Answer 8

this child was left in your care so until they leave you are a mom authority figure. if you are the one there when one of the children misbehaves then you need to deal with it right then and there. the old saying "wait till your father gets home" does nothing to teach a child anything the punishment has to be now and fit the crime. as for the child that went off on the teacher i would contact his mother (this is a touchy subject so you will need her approval) and ask her if you could take him to talk to the school counceler. this child sounds angry and angry is diffrent from a bad child. he doesnt sound like he knows how to express his emotion.

Answer 9

Both parents or caregivers in this case need to show a united front when it comes to expecting the rules to be followed. I have my children do PE type things for punishment like sit ups, or squatting against a wall with your knees at a 90 degree angle. If your SIL has a problem with you disciplining her children then she should have let you know that in advance. I would guess she is at her wits end with him and would welcome any suggestions for punishment that will work. I would suggest the mother have him evaluated by a physician.

Answer 10

You both should definitely have authority with the kids. That's the most important thing, is that you're both consistent. They'll know a rule is a rule, no matter who they go to.
Also, it's your house, and by her asking you two to watch her kids while she's gone, it should be known that it's YOUR house they're coming into, and that YOUR rules apply. It's kind of unfair for you to change around your ideals for the kids, when it's a big favour your sister in law asked for.