Ok... My husband and I got married a year this December. No one was present but our son and 2 witnesses. His parents were told but didn't come, Well all of a sudden...his mother is ranting and raving that she was NEVER told of anything, never invited nothing..well we know better but she's an alcoholic and doesn't remember anything anyways...but now she wants to us to renew our vows FOR HER. We are not willing and telling her so and telling her that a BAR is not a place we would ever consider simply does not work. Telling her to back off does not work either. She truly believes that we should do this for her...and that I need to learn to "roll with the flow".. I think she should have gotten ride of the booze bottle and shown up for her son (which would have been the first she'd ever done anything for him) Short of losing her on my mothers 300 acres of wooded land...what can we do?
2007-10-01 08:37:05 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
she should have gotten RID of the bottle not ride it, lol which would be quite hilarious!
2007-10-01 08:38:39 · update #1
Suggesting AA doesn't help. She proved that alcohol is more important his whole life, and she's made it so she isn't allowed around grand kids as well. I forgot to mention that. Thanks for reminding me.
2007-10-01 08:50:09 · update #2
simply tell her that you are not going to do it and that you do not want to hear anything else about it. my mother does things like this to me every once and a while and i have to tell her no and that's it! i feel bad that i have to get upset with her to get my point, but good lord! sometimes enough is enough. you shouldn't have to do anything that you don't want to. especially when it's your marriage and not hers. however, since it is you MIL, your hubby is the one who should really be insisting that she lay off with this whole thing.
2007-10-01 08:53:18 · answer #1 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no use trying to reason with an alcoholic. And you will never win an argument with an alcoholic. You have to realize that it is the illness talking, not your MIL. Even if you did this for her, it would not help - she would not see the logic in when she is sober, so it is not as if this renewal of vows would shut her up.
The best thing is to just keep handling her the best you can at the time. She is your husband's mother and she does have an illness. Be there for her if she ever wants to try recovery. If she does not ever want help, then just protect yourself, your husband and your child from her.
It is very hard to have an alcoholic in the family but it can be handled well if you try hard. My grandmother was an alcoholic and I did not even know about it until my father told me when I was an adult. She died when I was 19; I never saw her drunk and my parents handled it so we never knew anything was wrong when we were children.
2007-10-01 08:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy - Don't do it. Maybe down the road you will renew your vows on a significant anniversary (like 10, 20 year) and she can be invited to that. Your husband should be the one dealing with her, not you.
Another idea - Maybe your husband should give her an ultimatum - Like if she goes to AA and stays sober for one year, you will renew your vows for her.
2007-10-01 08:44:54 · answer #3 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can tell her just what you said here
get rid of the booze, go to rehab or AA and show up for events.
2007-10-01 09:10:59 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋