Okay, I'm curious. In our church, we are encouraged to get married in the temple as soon as possible and have our families.. Of course, within the bounds of love and respect, we sure aren't supposed to get married to the first returned missionary with a libido. Okay, so let's say I'm in love with this guy, and he's on a mission, and won't be back for one year, four months and 12 days. (lol. See, I'm completely objective here.) Lets say we dated in high school and broke up cause dating in high school doesn't make sense when he's just gonna leave. Its been four and a half years, and I still have feelings for him, so i want to see if there's anything to it when he gets back. I don't want anything serious, so I date casually for a while, waiting for him to come home. I don't mind, and I will change my mind if neccessary. Does the church frown on this? Should I be looking to get serious, or is it okay to wait for him? Lets say I wouldn't even ask if I wasn't sure he felt the same.
2007-10-01 08:10:37 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Hypothetically speaking, of course.
2007-10-01 08:15:57 · update #1
Trust me, I know all about the church not making stands on everything,(which i appreciate) but I kinda want to know if I should say something to the others, cause if the church is cool with me waiting then I can tell the nosies to stuff it. But if not, then I need to defend my choice....hypothetically. lol.
2007-10-01 08:40:57 · update #2
That's not true, I read *something*, (a talk or a book) that says that you should get married and have children "without delay". I remember it like I have the book in front of me, it goes on to say that you shouldn't let want of earthly posessions delay your having a family... Oh, I wish I could remember it, I'll find it and do nother question on it.
2007-10-01 08:54:28 · update #3
I said I would date and change my mind if I wanted to...........
2007-10-01 09:09:07 · update #4
I don't see a problem here. Sounds like you have things well in hand.
When he comes back, you can pick up where you left off, or start over, and see what happens. Unless you meet someone you like better before then. Or, perhaps he IS the one for you. Actually, I think anyone under 21 is too young (give or take a few).
2007-10-01 11:09:04 · answer #1 · answered by mormon_4_jesus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend your time enriching your own life, or I guarantee you will have no connection to him when he gets home. Sure, do some dating, and marry someone else if the right person comes along, but don't "wait"for someone. This isn't the church's stance, this is just common sense. Waiting implies such a state of non-growth and if he is spending two years learning and growing the way a good missionary should, then he will want very little to do with someone who has stayed exactly the same over the past two years.
Another thing. The Church does not encourage people to get married in the temple as soon as possible. Only the culture says "as soon as possible" The church teaches that we should marry the right person in the right place and at the right time. Nowhere in that statement is the phrase "as soon as possible" Many people have made themselves quite miserable by assuming that "as soon as possible" was the rule, and they got married too soon, too young, or simply to the first person who asked.
2007-10-01 08:43:35 · answer #2 · answered by alwaysa(ducky)bridesmaid 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't know that the church has a stand on it. I do know a few things though.
D&C 58:26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.
I think this is appropriate in this case. It means think for yourself, don't expect the church to make every decision for you.
Here is something else- It seems like in the For the Strength of the Youth pamphlet, the youth are encouraged to not steady date until the girls are out of high school and men are home off their missions. I know that I also taught lessons to that affect when I was in the YW presidency.
Keeping that in Mind- If you are not Steady dating before his mission, then why would you wait for him?
2007-10-01 08:23:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
1. The LDS church isn't that strict on relationships. basically, it's a good idea to date people that has already been on missions. Not much strings on this one. I have a high school Sweetheart that I've been dating since my junior year in high school. She is willing to wait for me when I'm on my mission. On the same note, it's a good idea to take your time in the whole relationship business. It doesn't HAVE to be a big rush.
2. What does your heart tell you?
2007-10-01 08:17:01 · answer #4 · answered by Captain Galactic 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The church does not have an "Official" stand on this subject.
I would personally suggest that you move on to the next guy. If you havent been picked up by the time this dude comes home then maybe look at it again.
I would hate to see you waste your life away hoping for something that may not become...
2007-10-01 10:45:50 · answer #5 · answered by ASE Master 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A nice cliche to start you out.... (Cliches are cliches because on some level, they're true!)
The man who comes back isn't the same person as the boy who left....
My best suggestion- Date, have fun (law of chastity, and all...), keep up on your own spiritual development (Institute?)... But don't take yourself out of the social scene... Do you really think when he comes back he'll want to be with someone who stagnated?
Ok, then- Go! Date! Have Fun! Grow! Learn!...
If, when he comes home, he calls, make it a fresh start. Like I said at the beginning- he won't be the same person.
2007-10-01 09:38:00 · answer #6 · answered by Yoda's Duck 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok.. I have a story for you. I graduated from high school and started going to a singles ward (is this at all cliche yet?). I met a guy that was getting ready to leave. We sorta decided I would wait for him, but that I shouldn't put myself on a shelf and just wait. I needed to go have fun, date, meet people and decide if it was right for me. If things changed while he was gone, then that is what was supposed to be. If I was still not married, or seriously dating someone else when we got home, we would see how our feelings were for each other then. I wasn't too excited about this at the time because I thought that he FOR SURE was the guy for me.
Well, a few months into his mission, I was called to missionary committee. They paired us up in "companionships" with one boy and one girl together (I think it was wishful thinking on the branch presidents part, but hey... I'll finish this thought in a minute.). I was paired with a guy that I just knew wasn't my type. He was a little nerdy (or so I thought then), and I was used to the more jockey guys.
Well, he came to speak at my moms ward one sunday, and I was there for something else, and I told my mom that he was my comp. Well, her and my best friend at the time talked me into asking him out. I was a little bit leary about it, and didn't really want to date anyone. I finally gave in and called him. We had a really good date, but he was really shy. He didn't ask me back out, so I thought we would just be friends. No harm done right? Well, two months later, he asked me out. We started dating and now we have been married for 11.5 years!!!
The point of this story: If I would have put myself on the back burner and wouldn't have taken the advice of the guy I thought I loved, I would have missed the best thing that ever happened to me. OH.. to finish my thought- at least 4 couples that were paired up as comps ended up getting married. Maybe the branch president was onto something!!
Just remember: Guys change so much during their missions. They grow and learn and come back so much better then when they left!! Don't put yourself on the back burner, especially since you don't know what this guy really feels for you. You don't have to date seriously, but at least go have fun, meet new people and experience life. That's what this time is all about! Take if from someone who has been there: Somethings are worth waiting for, but don't let that someone special slip by because you thought you were in love with someone else.
The guy I waited for came home and I went to his homecoming. It was a little weird, but we both knew that it wasn't right. He got married less then six months later to a girl he had known before. It all works out in the end, and last I heard of him, he was in the army and going to school.
Good luck with your decision and don't feel bad about dating other people! The church says that you should take it easy and go on lots of dates until you know for sure who the right one is. Take that advice and find a group of friends to hang out with. Go on group dates, or say yes to the guys who ask you out. If nothing else, it will be fun and give you some good memories.
2007-10-01 09:03:08 · answer #7 · answered by odd duck 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The church says to do what you feel is right in terms of waiting or dating.
Only you know your feelings on this matter. Some girls wait. Some say they will wait, but of course end up dating and marrying someone else. I knew a couple who she waited for him and as soon as he got back she went on her mission and he waited for her and now they are happily married.
This is a personal decision you have to pray about and decide for yourself.
2007-10-01 08:16:20 · answer #8 · answered by cadisneygirl 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋
don't put yourself in such a big rush to get married. you don't want to put yourself in a position of 'what if-ing' after you're married. take your time to decide who you want to marry.
and in the mean time, date as much as you like -- it will help you gain a greater understanding of what you want in a spouse and what you don't...
2007-10-01 08:22:13 · answer #9 · answered by strplng warrior mom 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I don't know but if I was the girl's father I'd damn sure be there when the "missionary" arrived. lol
2007-10-01 08:27:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋